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April 7th, 2006


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04:54 pm - Thinkin' about women
I spent my lunch hour sleeping out on a bench in front of Baker. I was, honestly, truly, totally going to study up on amulets for my presentation at Desert Magic. . . One can never know enough about a subject like amulets.

Instead, though, I spent my hour lying on the bench, snoozing and daydreaming. I daydreamed about lots of things, but none of the things I daydreamed about were related to my amulets workshop, even though my "pillow" was a copy of the Greek Magical Papyri in Translation. (We're praying for osmosis here.)

These daydreams were, I think, entirely related to women: ones I know, ones I'd like to get to know better, and ones I just don't know enough about. Then, of course, there are the women that I cannot stop thinking about. I imagine some of those women might be surprised at how much I think about 'em, what they mean to me, and how they mean it. :)

When I think of my friends, most guys walk into my mind, hang out, and leave. Girls, well, they hang around and make themselves comfortable. I should explain that better some other time.

It doesn't help that I saw someone I wish I'd asked out 8 years ago today. That's probably the central reason for the thought process.

But for now, that particular bit of information is staying under my hat. I'm very busy at work. (Fortunately, true to form, everything after this sentence was written before I came to work today, though some editing has been done in the few minutes of downtime I get.)

I find it hard to discuss my interest in dating, in looking to go out with people, especially in a public forum like my LJ, which is notorious for getting interesting (and amusing) responses that contradict what I think the best course of action is. But damn the torpedos.

I'm not willing to settle, but I'm instead looking hard at some specifics, and will be looking at them as I date around a bit.

The most important thing, of course, is just that feeling, that knowledge that yeah, that's the girl for me. Whether I figure that one out immediately or years later doesn't really make a difference. I refuse to "cast off" any person merely because there wasn't something deep & meaningful at first sight. I've learned too well that all women are special in some way, and I've known girls before that were "for me," but nothing happened, and I've known girls who weren't "for me," and things happened that I didn't even want to have happen.

Akin to that, It would be nice if I knew that there's a future, something tangible, that feels fated and certain. But so long as I can pretend that there's one, I'm happy with that.

The following things are a sort of weird "checklist" that isn't really a checklist: it's things that I want and need in my next relationship, but I'm not sure to what extent any are "make or break". . . These are just things that seem logical to me. Some are things I want in the girl, and some are things she needs to understand about me.

  1. She's got to be someone I can take places and knows how to act in polite society, but also knows how to be downright silly and fun and even childish. She should be equally at home at a formal black-tie dinner and playing in the mud. She also needs to go from one extreme to the other when it's really important to.

  2. As a sort of corellary, she needs to understand that sometimes, you can't change things and to act on that: If one of her $300 shoes gets muddy, I'd expect the other shoe to land in the mud right along with it and a mischevious smile to play across her lips.

  3. She needs to realize that even in long-term relationships I'm shy enough that I won't make the first move often: I'm reactionary and perhaps overly polite most of the time.

  4. Correlating to that, it should be noted that I'm unlikely to make the first move with any woman. This is a conditioned factor that I am unlikely to overcome in the near future: I tend to match interest with interest, rather than display it outright. Thus, I cannot be expected to raise the bet, to make a move with no precedent or request from the other party. (I should note, though, that I respond very well to a direct request whispered closely in my ear.)

  5. Realizing that something humorous or amusing is the way to my heart is the first step in getting there. There must be a sparkle of play and fun in her eyes, or I won't find myself interested.

  6. I don't deal well with the attitude, "I'm tired of this game, and I don't want to play it any longer." I deal much better with, "Well, that was fun. Let's try this next!" Huizinga's spoilsports need not apply.

  7. There is, of course, my devotion to ADF and my deities: they take the primary seat in my life. Everything else has a tendancy to become insignificant to me. Rather than getting pissy, I need open communication about it. I don't ever mean to neglect someone, but I'd be lying if I said it didn't happen from time to time.

  8. Expecting me to change my relationship with any other person or thing will result in me walking away. Simply trust me to be honest, and you'll always get that. My friends deserve to get the same friendship that they always got before.


Sounds like a lot of things, honestly. But it's not so demanding as it first looks. On most of those things, I'm remarkably flexible, and they're all open to discussion. And I'm not really actively looking, right now, for someone to spend the rest of my life with. I'm just sort of . . . looking. In a very casual manner.

There's a lot out there, and there's a lot of new things to see and experience. I've enjoyed my experiences thus far, all told, and expect that I'll continue to do so.

Damn, it's hard to post this. And it's poorly articulated. Sorry.
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: "Gypsies in the Palace", -JB

(19 comments Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:qorinda
Date:April 7th, 2006 09:07 pm (UTC)
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I don't deal well with the attitude, "I'm tired of this game, and I don't want to play it any longer." I deal much better with, "Well, that was fun. Let's try this next!" Huizinga's spoilsports need not apply.

Heheh. I think that sums up my relationship with Avery better than anything else I have heard or come up with. We are all about the adventure... and what is the next one.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 7th, 2006 09:11 pm (UTC)
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*nods* It's all about finding a new game to play, not stopping the games altogether. :) I like the way that bit was articulated, personally. :)
From:perlgirlju
Date:April 7th, 2006 09:18 pm (UTC)
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And it's poorly articulated.

I don't think it is. Besides, it sounds more honest when it hasn't been polished...
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 7th, 2006 09:57 pm (UTC)
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I'm always going for the honesty :)
[User Picture]
From:mayden_dor
Date:April 7th, 2006 09:27 pm (UTC)
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hey you think it's too late to get in the air conditioning with you at desert magic? can you give me that guy's email address again? it might be too late but i'm realizing that if i can't handle eugene's 70 degree and sunny weather well it might be best for me to be in a/c at least a little bit... :)
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 7th, 2006 09:41 pm (UTC)
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*nods* I'll IM it to you.
From:ceolnamara
Date:April 7th, 2006 09:27 pm (UTC)
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Well, rules and boundaries are important. I expect that people who are close to me respect my boundaries. I think that's a very important rule. of course, understanding that boundaries evolve is important, too :)

I don't see how anyone has the right to get into your business over this, anyway.

Lunch Tuesday? The Union?
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 7th, 2006 09:48 pm (UTC)
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Sure. Remind me Mon. or Tues. :) Love to hang out for a lunch with you.
[User Picture]
From:rfunk
Date:April 7th, 2006 09:51 pm (UTC)
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When I think of my friends, most guys walk into my mind, hang out, and leave. Girls, well, they hang around and make themselves comfortable.

Not identical, but reminds me of my own mind. We should compare notes. :-)

And your eight-item list doesn't sound like so much compared to others I've heard. Most of them seem rather common to me.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 7th, 2006 10:04 pm (UTC)
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It's possible that I evict the guys, but I'm not sure enough about that to be certain :) We ought to compare sometime. Could be very enlightening.

I generally think so, too, about the list. It just seems that my Adventures in DatingTM seem to cause more issues than anything else. :)
From:weavingfire
Date:April 7th, 2006 10:06 pm (UTC)
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It doesn't help that I saw someone I wish I'd asked out 8 years ago today. That's probably the central reason for the thought process.

You know, it kills me that you didn't go up and talk to her....or did you?
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 7th, 2006 10:09 pm (UTC)
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Me? Shy little me?

I didn't have to. She jumped into the elevator with me. I was held captive by the doors! Trapped like a caged tiger! I had no choice but to make polite, yet nervous smalltalk! It was horrid! And I'd used my last bullet to save McQuaid from that lion, so I couldn't save myself the pain!

*grins*

Sorry I got carried away. Yeah, I talked to her. Alas, her floor was 3, mine was 5 and we were both late.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 7th, 2006 10:39 pm (UTC)
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so long as muddy expensive shoes made it in, I'm happy.

That's what real, true love is made of.
[User Picture]
From:3starsinmyeyes
Date:April 8th, 2006 12:03 am (UTC)
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Expecting me to change my relationship with any other person or thing will result in me walking away. Simply trust me to be honest, and you'll always get that. My friends deserve to get the same friendship that they always got before.

i think you are awesome for realizing this. alot of people don't

and no this isn't alot of things to request, I actually feel the same about most of them, its inspiring me to put together my own list :D
From:fred_smith
Date:April 8th, 2006 01:12 am (UTC)
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Those are all pretty logical things. Reminds me of a list I meant to make a while back.
[User Picture]
From:sparkliedragon
Date:April 8th, 2006 02:50 am (UTC)
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I dunno...ruining a $300 pair of shoes is asking a bit much. That could be the poor, logical side of me speaking. On the other hand, making a drainage ditch into a mudslide when wearing less than $100 worth of clothing is lots of fun.
[User Picture]
From:creature_tamer
Date:April 8th, 2006 03:54 am (UTC)
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I daydreamed about were related to my amulets workshop, even though my "pillow" was a copy of the Greek Magical Papyri in Translation. (We're praying for osmosis here.)

Diffusion... osmosis is only with fluids. ;) I had a high school Biology teacher who would get very animated and emotional about that for some reason. He was particularly outspoken against that famous Garfield poster where the cat has stacks of books strapped to his body and the caption reads "I'm trying to learn by osmosis."
From:red_sput
Date:April 8th, 2006 05:08 pm (UTC)
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I try not to think about women anymore. It's too depressing and I don't have time anyways. Maybe I can try again in a year. Overthinking about them never really helped me anyways.

Hope you had a great weekend.
[User Picture]
From:erienc
Date:April 9th, 2006 11:16 am (UTC)
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good and bad if this is true then it need to be said :)

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