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April 19th, 2006


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09:45 am - Nothing to see here, really.
It's funny, but I've never felt so sick and had nothing wrong with me.

I've been nauseous since the end of the weekend, and had to force myself to eat. I don't particularly like the taste of food right now; it's all fairly bland and painful to think about, even. I've also been staying up way too late cuddled in a blanket, checking email at odd hours of the night and watching The Legend of Zelda in between checks.

I still kinda shake every so often, kinda like I'm suddenly cold, even though the weather is beautiful. Other times, I shake like I have no control over my body. I can't even type most things correctly: I've been in conversations over IM recently that have been so full of the wrong words, weird typos, and the occasional freudian slip that I know I'm not actually thinking clearly about most things (thought there's one thing I know I'm clear on).

It's an interesting experience, to view the way my body reacts at the moment. I've found a couple ways to put off the symptoms, but none last very long. Rational thought, at the moment, is doing the worst, I think because rational thought doesn't really work for this. Forgetting about things only works for about 10 minutes, and then I'm right back to it. Staying physically busy works to some extent, but the moment I stop, I'm back to the nausea and the shakes.

Yeah, it's obvious I'm worried about something, but what exactly it is doesn't belong in my journal right now.

This weekend is Trillium, and I admit, I'm a bit worried about how that will go. I leave tomorrow for that long-ass drive to the middle of nowhere Virginia. I'll have a lot of time to think, which can sometimes be dangerous. It's a good festival, though, and there will be people there that I really want to see and hang out with. I wish I had the gumption to go through the Buffett Ritual stuff, but I haven't, not really, though I've been working on the music. It helps to sing certain songs.

But, I'm willing to experience this, willing to take it. For as long as it takes.
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: curiouscurious
Current Music: "Distantly in Love", -JB

(46 comments Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:angelofastheny
Date:April 19th, 2006 01:54 pm (UTC)
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In regards to Trillium, since you spoke of it, is it possible to register for one day at the door? I'm actually going to be in Norfolk, VA on Friday and might be able to make it with a bit of planning on Saturday.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 19th, 2006 01:56 pm (UTC)
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According to the front page of their website:

Saturday (Daytime) Adults $20

So I'd guess "yes".
From:ex_acousticd43
Date:April 19th, 2006 02:09 pm (UTC)
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I'm sorry you're feeling less than mediocre. I guess it'd be greedy of me to say that I hope I do get a chance to see you at Trillium tomorrow if nothing else. And as always, if you just need some random stranger to hang out with, you're welcome at my camp.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 19th, 2006 02:19 pm (UTC)
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And of course, you're welcome with us, as well :)

You'll see me. I have a lot of people to see :)
From:latexpussy
Date:April 19th, 2006 02:14 pm (UTC)
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Just... breathe. I am so proud of you.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 19th, 2006 02:17 pm (UTC)
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I'm trying. Believe me, I'm trying.

And thanks, babe. You picked a good time to be able to show up in my IM window. Means a lot to me.
From:bloodlikerain
Date:April 19th, 2006 02:23 pm (UTC)
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worry and stress can kill ya, be careful.

Hopefully the weekend will help.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 19th, 2006 02:51 pm (UTC)
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The weekend can't hurt, but there's only one thing that can help, honestly.
[User Picture]
From:mzwyndi
Date:April 19th, 2006 02:27 pm (UTC)
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I've been nauseous since the end of the weekend, and had to force myself to eat.

I still kinda shake every so often, kinda like I'm suddenly cold, even though the weather is beautiful.

If you were a girl, and you also thought coffee smelled bad suddenly and found you got woozy after a hot shower, I'd ask you if you were pregnant.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 19th, 2006 02:46 pm (UTC)
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Given all the sex I've been having with latexpussy, I'm probably having her love child.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 19th, 2006 02:54 pm (UTC)
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Don't worry, I'm not sick. I know the root cause of it.

And I'll have something to trade for that bottle. Never fear. It's coming home with me :)
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:ariansdreams
Date:April 19th, 2006 03:51 pm (UTC)
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*hugs* I hope everything works out.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 19th, 2006 03:52 pm (UTC)
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One way or another, it will. :) No worries.

Man, "no worries" is wonderfully easy to say. . .
[User Picture]
From:rfunk
Date:April 19th, 2006 04:23 pm (UTC)

Trillium huh?

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Damn, I was hoping there might be an opportunity to chat in Columbus this weekend.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 19th, 2006 05:57 pm (UTC)

Re: Trillium huh?

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Yeah, I'm afraid I've been called away to sing some Jimmy Buffett tunes in a ritual context.

They totally don't know what they're getting into.
From:weavingfire
Date:April 19th, 2006 05:40 pm (UTC)
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It will all work out.

What doesn't kill you and all that...
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 19th, 2006 05:57 pm (UTC)
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isn't trying hard enough?

:)
[User Picture]
From:hearthstone
Date:April 19th, 2006 06:10 pm (UTC)
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I hope things improve soon. It's good to know what physical stress reactions you're prone to, helps identify problems when your conscious mind is ignoring them.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 19th, 2006 06:13 pm (UTC)
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*nods* I'm very interested in my body's reaction to various things. It does help one identify and act on issues.
[User Picture]
From:tanrinia
Date:April 19th, 2006 06:52 pm (UTC)
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that sounds like the flu we had a couple of weeks ago. :(
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 19th, 2006 07:51 pm (UTC)
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Trust me, it's not the flu.
[User Picture]
From:autumnfey
Date:April 19th, 2006 08:21 pm (UTC)
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Sitting far away here in Vermont I can only speculate, but know that I am thinking about you. And the fact that you say "But, I'm willing to experience this, willing to take it. For as long as it takes." says a lot. I hope it works out well for you, suffering will make the reward that much better.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 20th, 2006 06:29 am (UTC)
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I know, and thanks.

I have a strange habit of actually *enjoying* suffering.

Strange how that seems lost today. This is downright painful :)
From:ceolnamara
Date:April 19th, 2006 10:20 pm (UTC)
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All will be well, no matter what.

The drive will be brilliant fun, because I'll be there.

Randomly, any chance I can convince you that a side trip to Ohio Savings Bank is a good plan?
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 20th, 2006 06:23 am (UTC)
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Find out where the nearest one is. Preferably in an easternly direction
[User Picture]
From:creature_tamer
Date:April 21st, 2006 02:25 am (UTC)
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Yikes, didn't get a chance to check LJ until now. Hope you're doing better and are able to enjoy the festival.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:April 24th, 2006 01:51 am (UTC)
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I did enjoy :)

The ailment isn't physical, it's emotional. Distraction helped, and so did some very, very good friends.

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