November 29th, 2006
|08:40 am - From the LGSP Journal last night|
I came home on Tuesday night and went straight to my altar. Something wasn't adding up, primarily centering around a discussion on ADF-Liturgists.
Sometimes, I find myself drawn into a discussion, and on occasion, my sense of play overwhelms my sense of reason. I don't think I'd want it any other way, but I found myself that night channeling the play into an arena with rules that didn't mesh with the game I was playing.
So I turned it into prayer.
Distancing myself from a conversation that quickly became weirdly emotional and strangely irrational allowed me to see that the rules I was following (have fun, don't be overly serious, back things up with evidence, and don't feel attacked) were not the rules of the game I was in.
So I took my game to my altar. I entered a reality where opinions didn't matter, where no one got upset, and where people could find humour. That's the world I always pray in.
Part of the issue, of course, is that I want to show the world how things are from my eyes. I like my eyes, they're great and they view things in a unique manner.
"Your argument isn't important," I want to say. "You are." This is because when I pray, "My prayer isn't important; I am. Your hearing my prayer isn't important; you are."
Sometimes, we get so caught up in what others are doing, we forget that we ought to just pray about it.
So I stood in front of my altar, and I prayed. I prayed for myself, my friends, and my family. I prayed for ADF and for its members. I prayed to and for the Kindred.
The prayers weren't elegant, or even really well spoken. But I realized as I stood there that all the arguing I do in my life, all the silly positions I take, and all the dumb things I say: none will matter.
But this prayer. . . it matters.
And I prayed longer.
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: "If the Phone Doesn't Ring, It's Me", -JB
Well, I did mention the specific email list, and there's really only one thread going on now :)
That sounds like a difficult argument. Religious politics and debate is always fun. Thats why I avoid e-groups. When stuff happens there with the groups I'm in, I jst get someone else to tell me and end up happier.
Not really "difficult" so much as "strange". When it took the turn from a regular argument and became weird, I just went to someplace not weird: I went home to prayer.
Worked out nicely.
I'm not entirely certain that the "weird" is external to me, though it may be, from your indication. I saw this as going from "Weird inside" to "normal inside".
And anyway, the world is pear-shaped, according to Columbus.
|Date:||November 29th, 2006 03:33 pm (UTC)|| |
Re: Weird, wyrd, or both?
The photo with Flash is totally better.
I spend a lot of time reevaluating. I always have, but I find it more. . . noticeable on an external basis at the moment.
Curious how it works, no?
Interestingly, I did a very similar thing.
You should go down to the river soon, too. Just feel the temperature out there; it's like the river is singing to you.
The prayer helped with the circular nature of the argument, for me.
Try it? :) That's about all the advice I can give.
I don't think I've prayed elegantly in a long time (assuming I ever did, since it's not really my conception of elegance that matters).
No clue about the list thing - however, I imagine the subscriber list of ADF-Liturgists has gone up since 0840 Eastern time.
Prayer very much matters. I went to my prayers tonight with a very heavy heart, and my heart's not quite so heavy anymore. But, beyond any effect I may have felt today, it's just a really good idea.
You've got a gift for working seriously but not too seriously. I'm sure what was bothering you won't bother you for long. ;-)