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August 29th, 2008


10:10 am - Discordians on ID, the lost Principia, and the JFK assasination!
Years before Creationism became Intelligent Design and began to fill the heads of our children with unscientific rot that masqueraded as science, Discordians were fighting the good fight against ID with their own myths and stories.

There is a copy of the Principia Discordia in the JFK Collection from the HSCA. It was placed there because one of the founders of Discordianism, Thornley, was investigated as part of the conspiracy to kill JFK (by virtue of having served with Oswald and writing two books on him. . . one of those books being written before the assassination).

It's an old edition, one that contains the myth that was supposed to precede Starbuck's Pebbles in the Principia, but was somehow left out. This edition is something like the Dead Sea Scrolls or the Nag Hammadi library of Discordianism, and I'll bet that very few of you even knew it existed. Honestly, almost no Discordians had ever seen these writings until the HSCA files were declassified in 1992, and it took a few years beyond that for Rev. [info]drjon to dig it out.

Even the title is different. Discordians, of course, know their holy book as "The Principia Discordia: Or, How I Found the Goddess and What I Did To Her When I Found Her". The title of this version of the Principia is, "The Principia Discordia: Or, How the West Was Lost."

For those interested, though, please take a few minutes to peruse the complete scan (minus two pages that simply do not exist) of this original~ish Principia Discordia.

And, because we *all* need to read the original myth that went along with Starbuck's Pebbles that debunks ID in a religious context. . . read on! )
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: [mood icon] satisfied
Current Music: "Take Another Road", -JB

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August 15th, 2008


11:27 am - Making a Special Triptych
Last night, I spent a couple of hours making something that I'd like to share with everyone: a triptych.

Now, because this is me, you know this is not going to be just any triptych. No, I created a triptych based on one of my favourite myths, a sort of little portable Pagan shrine or altarpiece.

My triptych is the story of The Original Snub.


For more, including a picture detailing the items on the panels, read on. . . )

Why, yes: this little triptych will be for auction at Summerland next Saturday.

Not preregistered for Summerland? Get Pre-Registered! Today is the last day to pre-register!

Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: [mood icon] amused
Current Music: "Smart Woman (In a Real Short Skirt)", -JB

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July 25th, 2008


10:33 am - Discordian divniation . . .
I've recently gone back to looking at the rune dice I have, and am looking at the next Chronarchy.Com update with the possibility of selling them in the near future.

I should point out, though, that everyone already owns an amazing divination tool: Discordian Dice Divination.

You take a six-sided die and roll it. Depending on the number you roll, you compare it against the below chart to determine what the outcome should be:

1Think for yourself, schmuck
2Think for yourself, schmuck
3Think for yourself, schmuck
4Think for yourself, schmuck
5Think for yourself, schmuck
6Think for yourself, schmuck


And Lo, the angel did appear before them, and spake: "Dude, who am I? Your mother?"

(thanks to LMNO for the inspiration, on another forum)
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: [mood icon] amused
Current Music: "I Don't Know", -JB

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May 18th, 2007


09:03 am - Thinkin' about "stuff"
  1. Asking people to think before they speak is apparently "asking people to pretend to be something they're not."
  2. I was never self-conscious of my finances until I got an email about how privileged I obviously am yesterday, and was, in fact, quite proud of how I've been handling them. I'm back to being proud, though.
  3. When I started a Grove, I didn't realize how much homework I would end up assigning myself. I just don't know enough right now to write this rite. And that's a lot of homophones.
  4. At some point, I would like to take a road trip to Springfield, IL. There's a mural on the wall of the Illinois Supreme Court that I want to see (you know, since Eris is on it . . . Well, Discord to be exact, but it's close enough for government work, and it is a government building). The more I think about it, the more obvious it is that I need to do this. Of course, I'll probably combine it with a very long overdue trip to Kansas to see the family, and maybe stop by the Protogroves in Urbana-Champaign and Kansas City for a rite or something. I hear there's also a Grove near East St. Louis now, too.
  5. My carport is clean, my back yard is shaping up, and the front yard is next to be tackled. And, it looks like I've kept my promise of clear skies tonight, at least so far.
  6. This morning, I remembered the feeling I used to have every day when I was in college, where your body feels healthy and ready to go, strong and awake. It's a wonderful feeling, and one that I sorely missed.
  7. Wellspring isn't exciting me at the moment, for various reasons. Part of this has to do with a feeling of "missing out" on last year's Wellspring and being "left behind", part is a feeling that I'm going to have people demand that I "explain myself" on things (though I don't believe that I've done anything wrong to deserve that), and part is just that I have the traditional Han Solo "bad feeling about this."
  8. I really, really miss some of my best friends.
  9. Today's Buffett Oracle:

        203. What works for me might work for you.

    Thanks, Jimmy. I have some ideas of how I want to spend an evening this weekend.

Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: awake
Current Music: "Buttermilk Grove", -JB

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December 27th, 2006


04:14 pm - Damn lyric poets always talking about the freakin' "human experience" or some shit. . .
I recently managed to re-locate the mixed Cake CD that [info]sarahdipity418 sent me once. I've been looking for it for nearly a year, and, of course, it turned out to be right where I imagined it would be.

I have realized how much I missed Cake. Such good (and amusing) songs as "Short Skirt/Long Jacket", "Building a Religion" and "Italian Leather Sofa" are songs that just don't get enough airplay.

But a song caught my attention last night.

But when you speak to her,
Her eyes light up,
The music spills right into your cup.
The minstrels play and the waitress brings ice.
There are pies on a carousel,
Have a slice.
But watch out:
She ain't no good for you.

"Goddamnit," I thought. "Why does every lyricist and musician feel the need to speak to me directly about this shit?"

And then I went on with my drive home, and went to the zoo for the third time in four days.
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Music: "Jimmy Dreams", -JB

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October 18th, 2006


05:32 pm - Googling Eris
Googling "Eris" is always interesting.

Is it just me, or has Eris recently been busy in Ohio's elections?

Further, Eris is designed to simplify client development of games, apparently.

And, Eris Media offers a variety of production services, and "can be there to capture your wedding." I presume you need to invite them first.
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: [mood icon] amused
Current Music: "Miss You So Badly", -JB
Tags: ,

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June 12th, 2006


12:01 am - A little madness now and then. . .
I know what Lovecraft heard. I heard it, too. It spoke to me on the rocks as I stood above the Atlantic, waves breaking fifteen feet below. I heard the Call.
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: [mood icon] refreshed
Current Music: "Come Monday", - JB

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June 1st, 2006


10:56 am - A short ritual with a lot of friends, in five parts
Last week, the majority of PSA got together at some point or another to celebrate [info]_crow365__'s birthday with the Ritual of the Pentave.

What came out of the fifth night's ritual was one of the best pictures of PSA ever taken.

Pic of the last night behind the cut )
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: [mood icon] amused
Current Music: "Creola", -JB

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May 19th, 2006


01:56 pm - "Billy Clyde wasn't insane. . ."
So, today I'm meeting with [info]_crow365__ and club to perform The Ritual of the Pentave. I admit to looking forward to this, and I'm happy at its timing. It reminds me of things I've generally forgotten about.

I'm happy today, as I was yesterday. I was reading Eliade recently, working up an article about the Water Skate in Zuni mythology and sacred centers, and I came across his discussion of orientation in Sacred and the Profane, a discussion I'd never read before. I realized, when I thought of why I felt so good when I expected that I would feel fairly terrible, it seems to be because I have found orientation.

For a while, I was sort of liminal. I wasn't sure where I stood in relations to a lot of things.

But on Wednesday night, I found definition. I know who I am.

And that is a huge relief.

My Buffett Oracle for the morning is:

35. The pleasure was worth all the pain.

Whatever I did, it worked with that Oracle. . .
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: [mood icon] amused
Current Music: "The Weather is Here (I Wish You Were Beautiful)", -JB

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April 25th, 2006


10:32 am - Out with Tina, reflecting on myself
I went walking with Tina last night, and the discussion we had was mostly centered around my girl problems (which some of you know about, but most of you don't). She, of course, informed me that I was an idiot and possibly a jerk, but it was nice to talk to her about it (besides, she's more or less correct in her assessment of my situation). I missed that girl. A lot.

We don't really talk as much as most normal roommates do, mostly because I'm constantly away from the house, and the festival season is going to send me away more (I fly to Desert Magic a week from tomorrow!), so it was nice to just take an evening and spend it with her.

My relationship with Tina is one of those that I value highly, but I'm not really able to find ways to show that. I don't know what it is about our personal dynamics, but somehow, she never understood how much I loved her.

I have trouble, so much trouble, being forthright about my feelings, and it's affected other relationships as well. I was listening to the song "Nobody but Me" in the car last night, and the lyric, "Just because I took so long doesn't mean it isn't real," really caught my attention.

I'm working very hard to get more vocal, more active about things. But that's not really who I am. I'm . . . passive in general. To be perfectly honest, I'm never sure what a girl thinks of me. This may be why it's been so rare that I've managed to ask a girl out. That, and the utter disbelief that any girl could be interested in me, despite the airs I know how to put on to the contrary.

But the worst part is when I listen to that passivity even when I know, deep down, that I shouldn't, that it's not me, that it's not at all what I want.

But it's a mistake to learn from and not make again. It's an opportunity, a chance to step back and say, "Hey, idiot: you know better than that now. You don't have to repeat!"

review of Trillium upcoming
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: [mood icon] uncomfortable
Current Music: "Coastal Confessions", -JB

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April 10th, 2006


01:23 pm - Focused Intent
Today's lesson is in focused intent.

When I left for lunch, wandering down toward the Union, I realized that, while I had my copy of OL to proof, I didn't have anything to write down corrections. Too far from my office to go back and not near enough to High Street to go buy a pen, I remembered an exercise from Prometheus Rising designed to show you that reality can changed simply by believing that things could occur.

This particular exercise involved believing that you'd find quarters every time you went out on the street. By visualizing, believing, and seeking, you would notice a higher number of coins than usual, and I believe that RAW left it up to us to decide whether there actually were more coins or whether you were just noticing more of the ones that were already there.

I took this particular exercise and modified it a bit, seeking to find a writing instrument before I made it to the Union. I visualized my empty pocket having a generic writing utensil in it, and visualized writing with one.

I wasn't too picky about what kind of writing utensil I'd find: a pen, pencil, or crayon would be fine: just something I could underline and circle stuff with.

About midway across the Oval, I found my writing utensil, but I also found out just how dumb it was not to focus your intent properly.

There, lying in the grass, was a big, fat, pink piece of sidewalk chalk.

Not very useful for proofreading and marking up paper.

I gave the chalk a kick and re-evaluated my intent. Now, I wanted a pen. And I had half as much time as I did to find the chalk, because I was over halfway to the Union. So I continued to visualize and think and look.

I crossed College Ave., and as I rounded the last corner to the Union, I noticed something in the dirt: a black and grey pen with little UPS symbols in red. I picked it up, dusted it off, and scribbled in a corner of my OL copy.

And it wrote. In solid, bold ink.

I thought about my intentions, and the focus I had on them, and realized that sometimes, you need to enchant for exactly what you want, not a ballpark idea. Sometimes, no matter how little you care about exactly what you get, you realise once you have it that what you got doesn't do what you want.

So if you want it, be clear, or you simply won't get it.
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: [mood icon] amused
Current Music: "Honey Do", -JB

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March 29th, 2006


11:22 am - Notes from Creating Magical Entities workshop
There's plenty of interest, so here's what I handed out last night:
  1. A simplified handout including all the notes I was working from last night but none of the additional reading,
  2. and my modified worksheet, separated out from the main document, that clarifies the process somewhat.
Warning: remember that we chaotes aren't afriad to talk about bodily fluids . . .
Current Mood: [mood icon] amused
Current Music: "Christmas in the Caribbean", -JB

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February 1st, 2006


09:53 pm - Learning my lessons
Some people, it's said, don't believe in magic. They're constantly challenging others to show proof, or to offer something "real". Well, it's been said that asking a Chaos Magician to "prove it" might just garner the rather frightening response of "I'll see what I can do."1

And so, I offer a personal experience, just for you, from my early years working with a teacher I greatly respect.

Read more... )
_________


1 - Fra. Grand Poobah, Chaos Magick Theory

Poll #664933 Poll 15c: Reality Is a Consensus Opinion
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 24

Is this entry true?

View Answers

Yes
2 (8.3%)

No
7 (29.2%)

It is partially true
11 (45.8%)

It is partially false
1 (4.2%)

I don't know
3 (12.5%)


Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: "Traveling Clean", -JB

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January 23rd, 2006


06:00 pm - Boy, I got crap done. . .
This past weekend, I admit, I dropped off the face of the earth. My appologies. It'll happen again, but not today. I got stuff done, though. Many goals were met. . .

1. Book and pack for trip to Atlanta to see [info]erienc.
2. Take a girl to see a bad movie.
3. Dream a dream that should not be dreamed in preparation to launch Wikinomi.Com.
4. Do taxes and land a windfall refund.
5. Ask my friends what the Buffett line: "I like to be in touch with what makes me scream" means (Comment, yo?)
6. Get to the top of [info]alia_egilsson's list (which list will be left to the imagination).
7. Decide on whether to LJ whore next month to get someone to buy me a paid account for the next year.
8. Finish a paper, some reading, and a bibliography for tomorrow's class.
9. Be inspired by a Golden Delicious Apple on my desk. . . My gods, you can't imagine what those particular fruits can do to me.
10. Consider a Jungian approach to Aztec human sacrifice (even if the very thought makes me ill and completely disrespects the Aztec culture).
11. Wake up next to. . .
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: "Tin Cup Chalice", -JB

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December 2nd, 2005


08:14 am - A Note of Thanks.
Thanks, [info]deedeehopskotch, for the call last night. I'm sorry I was a tad out of it, and sorry you worried. You get a point for that.

Today dawns somewhat brightly, it seems. I expect it will be similar to yesterday.

Oh, and I got up the guts to check my bank balance: the overtime over Veteran's Day saved my ass. I barely, barely made it in the positive numbers. Had I spent more than $60 in Europe, I would have gone into negative numbers.

Moderation: sometimes it saves your ass like nothing else can.

But godsdamnit, I slept through Smallville last night. Someone please tell me it was a rerun?
Current Mood: [mood icon] refreshed
Current Music: "Volcano", -JB

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December 1st, 2005


07:03 pm - My friends talk a lot :)
Well, 940 friends entries later, I'm caught up.

Or I would be, if I retained more than about 10% of that. But I read it all.

Of course, there were certain people I retained a good deal more from. Thanks for the surprise, [info]mayden_dor. I did need that.

Today, though, has been interesting. A couple of ups and downs. You know, someone once asked me if I was bipolar. At the time, I figured he was wondering if both my feet and my head were cold at the same time.

Now, I just laugh at the suggestion. I'm about as normal as the next person.

Over the past week, it's been pointed out that my openness will get me into more trouble as time goes on. It's already led to some loss of some important things, drawn complaints, and seriously affected friendships. It's a frightful thing when plain honesty can get you into deeper shit than you can find on any farm, especially when all you're doing is trying to work shit out that's confusing you to no end.

But I realized something about the gossip that I want to have about me: I don't want any of it to come from my own mouth. I don't care what people think I've done, who they think I've done it to, or how dirty they think it was. I will, in fact, encourage you to make up stories as I always have. I simply don't want to lead them onto the conclusion through outright offering of that information.

Take those shadowpuppets, for instance: that night is one of my fondest memories, but damn if it's anyone's business what happened. Now, if you want to make up a story, feel free. I even hope to hear about it! You just aren't getting any information from me.

So some people will find things off-limits with me. I don't mind what you make up in your own mind, but I won't be party to some of it. This isn't really a change: some things have always been off limits. But it's a conscious effort for the first time in a long time. If I don't make this effort, I'm going to lose more than I already have.

(i.e. expect more cryptic posts that can't be guessed at.)

I think that the real issue is not at all that I'm worried about myself, but about the others who get hurt in the process.

And if you think I'm growing up, let me put that to rest: fuck that. If this looks like "growing up," then I'm afraid I'm going to have to call a spade a spade and tell you that you're just jaded. I'm just playing a new game, one which none of you get to know the rules to yet. I'm dropping parts that are now useless and re-emerging with parts that are useful. I will not be told that I'm "gaining wisdom with age" or any useless shit like that. It's been insinuated in the past, and I do not believe that age has anything to do with anything in the real world. Does it in my head, or your head? Sure. But the brightest stars are still in the flush of their youth. I'm not so much "young" anymore, and haven't ever thought of myself as young. Hell, I've always thought of myself as me, and I have to seriously think to figure out how old I am. The young always know their age. If you don't believe me, ask a three year old.

There's a deep anger, I suppose, in this post. I'm not sure what brought it on, but it appeared as I was writing it. I was smiling when I started, and now I have a pounding in my chest that isn't at all comfortable. I did something last week out of spite. I did another out of love. They don't balance out, and I'm not sure they were meant to. It was the first time I'd done anything out of conscious spite, and it made me feel rather sick about it. . . but I did it anyway.

I wonder who I have to get permission to post my Walking With Fire review to my LJ from? I'm reading Where is Joe Merchant?, a book I took to Austria to hand off to [info]fred_smith; I'll need to send it now, when I finish it. I'm terribly worried about a very close friend. I've written an article for OL and sent it in. I have to call Psyche, or maybe stop by her shop. I'm afraid to check my bank balance because I know what I'll find there: it'll start with a dash, and I can't handle that well. I'm angry with myself for not having trouble with my baggage when my travel partner did. I'm incredibly happy that none of this actually matters. I can feel depression tugging (I've felt it before), and I'm confident that I'll escape it this time, as I have many times before. I wish I knew the name of that girl in Paris, and I know I will if she writes me. I need to finish cleaning up my tickets for work. I need to fill out paperwork for missing extra days. I miss Tina. I'm happy without her. I don't know who I can trust, yet I know perfectly well who I can. I absolutely require the book Wind, Sand and Stars, a title I've often quoted, but never read the work it heads. I want to play a game of dominos. No, I want to win a game of dominos, one on which I've bet $346.32. I need to find someone who can make me a silver knife ([info]smithing_chick?). I also need a revolver.

Han Solo and Princess Leia stand side by side on my keyboard, and that gives me some real, solid hope.

Now, it's time for home and bed. I'm beat. Or maybe I'll watch The Empire Strikes Back tonight. There's someone I just want to be close to.
Current Mood: [mood icon] aggravated
Current Music: "Sea of Heartbreak", -JB

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October 13th, 2005


08:45 am - Pizza, Night, and a Wink
On my way into work one morning, I was sitting at the stoplight at Neil and Lane Avenues. I looked out of my window, off to the north east corner, and through the window to Tommy's Pizza.

Sitting there, at the corner table, was a beautiful woman. Light was in her eyes, but her hair was black and smooth. She was not young, but neither was she old; ageless was her age. There was laughter about her, but her manner hid it. She sat, leaning forward, gazing out the window and smiling at me.

I knew her, an old friend. Her name resonated in my mind.

Nyx.

Night. Daughter of Chaos, mother of Eris.

I watched her watch me, as she sat at the table in Tommy's. Her eyes twinkled, never leaving mine. Her long-fingered hands reached out, wrapping around a glass of Coke and brought the straw to her full, red lips. I caught a wink as she sipped, and watched her replace the glass on the table. The corners of her mouth twitched in a smile, and I watched her bring a slice of pizza to her mouth. Her eyes closed in pleasure as she savoured the taste, and the satisfied smile that graced her lips was remarkably seductive.

One more wink, and my light turned green. She was gone.
Current Mood: [mood icon] amused
Current Music: "Traveling Clean", -JB

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September 26th, 2005


08:49 am - Ah, the weekend, another chaos working, and gaining confidence in myself
(Written Sunday Night)

I've begun to spend more time on the weekends, savoring them. I'm staying up later, working harder. I'm getting things done I never really had time for before. I spent a load of time tonight working hard to get some things in order for the Grove, and about four hours today shopping and getting things in order for my presentation to the PSA on Tuesday. I got to talk on the phone with [info]romandruid, called [info]singingwren and left a message to see if I couldn't get her to give me a hand on this presentation, and tried to call [info]alia_egilsson but failed miserably to get through to her. I also read a load of DJ Conway and Silver Ravenwolf.

I spent a couple of days going through the Zohar, some works by Isaac Luria's students, and various discussions of Kabbalism. I read more Torah this weekend that I have in my entire life, and I found a touchstone phrase in the Song of Songs, one that has truly personal meaning for me, and one that makes the entire Chaos Working far, far less frightening.

The update later today will at least start the description of what's going on with this Chaos Working. As I look at it (it's on another tab on this computer), it's not finished yet, but a good chunk has been described.

Most people on my friends' list will find this entire working strange and difficult to comprehend. It begins following an orthodox Jewish cosmology, and then departs radically into a heretical branch of messianism. I'm not at all suggesting that I understand it completely myself, but I have enough comprehension (through repeated reading, studying, and making extensive notes) that I'm not at all worried that I'm over my head.

That isn't to insinuate that this is safe. I am, however, fifty percent more confident that I can pull this off than I was on Friday. The touchstone is the key to it. It'll be discussed eventually, though it is, perhaps, more arcane than the Working itself, and I can't honestly begin to explain precisely what it meant to me when I found it, though I'm going to give it my best. I wonder if anyone will understand it, as I'm not thinking I fully understand it.

I've dealt with Jewish ritual before, but this working is shaping up to be the most intense working I've ever done, in any paradigm.

And my confidence level is rising by the minute.
Current Mood: accomplished
Current Music: "Pascagoula Run", -JB

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September 22nd, 2005


12:35 pm - Devotional
The Five Fingered Hand of Eris is ever at work in my life.

It is before me
and behind me.

It holds my head under water until I can breathe as the fishes.

It flaps my arms futily until I can fly as the birds.
Current Mood: [mood icon] amused
Current Music: "Treat Her Like a Lady", -JB
Tags: ,

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10:37 am - Lifting Up the Shards
I've come up with something, a chaos working to deal with certain things in my life.

The problem is, as I plan it, it's becoming more and more clear just how dangerous it is to me personally, and my mental health in particular.

While I admit that it's quite terrifying to think about the implications of it, the possibilities and potential for growth are simply amazing.

The issue, of course, is method. How do I get where I need to go? TOPY would tell me the obvious: "See a cliff, jump off."

There is a lot of work left to do before I decide if this is something I can do, or even need to do.

I promise: there are no tentacles involved. Well, I can't say that there won't be, but I'm certainly not planning any. This is a totally different paradigm.

On a side note, I had an encounter with Eris' mother the other day, and I have a new presentation in the works for PSA or an ADF festival.

Poll #575329 Poll 9: Directions
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 46

What should be my single most central concern?

View Answers

Personal growth
13 (28.3%)

Making sure the shit don't spatter on others
3 (6.5%)

Personal safety.
6 (13.0%)

Avoiding tentacles
1 (2.2%)

Containment: CM workings should only affect the Chaote.
3 (6.5%)

Preparation.
2 (4.3%)

Jumping off the cliff.
1 (2.2%)

Personal sanity.
5 (10.9%)

Doing what needs to be done.
10 (21.7%)

Getting back what has been lost.
2 (4.3%)


Current Mood: [mood icon] contemplative
Current Music: "Burn That Bridge", -JB

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