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October 21st, 2009
09:29 am - Sometimes, prayers are more than they first seem. . . The year has come around to that odd time, where sunrise occurs during my morning commute. This makes my devotional life harder, as my sunrise prayers are often done "on the go" in one way or another. This morning, I found myself praying in the car as I drove.
I feel privileged that the prayer I speak each morning can still send chills through my entire body. This morning, as I drove down Indianola, I felt goosebumps develop from head to toe, every hair on my body standing up in rapt attention to the words I spoke.
Many would call the prayer "rote" simply because it is memorized. There is a notion, particularly within Noe-Paganism, that memorization brings a "fake" quality to the words spoken, a "going through the motions" aspect to our religion that many reject. I tend to call this prayer not "rote," but "well-loved."
The prayer is spoken differently every morning: some days, the prayer gently passes my lips, hardly louder than my breath; other days, I speak it with loud passion in a voice that reaches deeply into my soul; still others, the words roll out strongly as I describe to an unseen audience the maiden on the rim of the world, and then hush as I describe that glimpse of her and what it does to me. Each day brings a new prayer with the same words, new feelings to the oft-quoted phrases.
As each phrase passes my lips, feelings well up, images appear and dissipate, and a noetic quality settles in. The prayer brings Usas into being, casting a reality upon her, which in turn draws her reality into the world and across the horizon. There is knowledge that without her there would be no prayer, and without the prayer, I would never see her and love her in the way that I do. Because of this, it is important for me to pray each morning. For those who have not read the words before, they are:
A maiden dancing, dancing on the rim of the world. Resplendent, Radiant. I blush to see you rise from your bath the colours of the morning drip from your bosom as you open the ways for the sun. Greetings, Usas, who opens the gates of heaven.
It was not written with meter in mind, or thoughts that I might still be doing this three years later (the prayer was first written Sept. 25, 2006), but it was written when I was very attentive to the dawn. That rapt attention is what made this prayer something deeper than a few lines, and what prevents it from ever becoming rote. I never dreamed that I would pray this prayer on the slopes Mt. Olympus, or in the Arizona desert, or in the cold-and-damp Brushwood spring. I never dreamed that it would keep the fires burning on my altar so reliably, or bring me in such close contact with the synthesis of prayer and flame. I never dreamed that it would bring me a reputation for piety, or force me to rearrange my social life (my sunset prayer to Ratri, equally as deep and wonderful, prevents me from viewing movies during certain times of the year since they often straddle sunset).
This prayer speaks to and for my soul every morning, even after all this time. Current Location: Souteast of Disorder Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: "Mile High In Denver", -JB
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September 15th, 2009
01:53 pm - Accomplishments!
Yow: the past week's been a bit of a speedy run downhill!
I've brought some projects to completion recently:
- I spent some time revising and revamping the Dedicants page on the ADF members' side so that it's a lot more descriptive, and also got the "new" edition (edited, finally!) up on the site.
- After that, I completed over half of Trance 2 on Saturday night at the Midnight Flame Festival (which already has dates for next year up).
- Then, this morning I completed and published the guidebook (see the cover on the right) for the ADF Order of the Crane. Once I have a copy of it in-hand (hopefully by Thursday), I think we'll be ready to go forward with the Order itself, which is completely "done" in terms of initial development.
It was a hell of a time to come back to real life and get back to work, though. The festival last weekend was amazing, as always, and I had a hell of a lot of fun. Plus, I got to spend around 16 total hours in the car with druidkirk talking about all sorts of nifty things, both within and without ADF.
The Trance 2 near-completion is what boggles my mind most of all, though: I didn't think I'd actually manage that before October, but now it seems I will. . . and in time for the Clergy Retreat, which also means that it'll be in time to get myself initiated into this new ADF Initiatory Current.
Then, I can tie the Order of the Crane into that current, as well, at least partially.
That's motivation, really. It's also a plan.
Wow, just. . . wow. Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: amused Current Music: "Big Rig", -JB
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September 12th, 2009
03:53 pm - Crap. Crap. I now own a sarong. Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: amused Current Music: "Lawyers, Guns and Money", -JB
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August 27th, 2009
02:08 pm - Discussion from the Panel at Summerland, 2009 After discussion in my last post about the utility of the Summerland Panel Discussion, "The Future of ADF," I thought I'd post the product of my own work here. Part of what left me so disheartened was a response consisting only of crickets when I finished, which either means I had explained things so well, or the whole thing fell flat. I give it about a 50/50.
So, I thought about this for a while, and I still want to get the info out, because I feel that it's very important to provide. So here's basically what I said, in brief:
Future Plans for Clergy Training in ADF
First of all, I have to give deep thanks to Ian Corrigan, Carrion, romandruid and druidkirk for the support and help that they've given throughout the process of creating the Clergy Training Program (CTP) up to this point. Right now, for the first time since 1998, we have a cohesive set of exit standards that one can complete and have approved that will lead to full ordination as an ADF Priest. This is one if Isaac's central vision points: a rigorous, solid training program for our Priests that gives them an education that can be compared to mainstream religions.
That said, it is not necessarily on par with mainstream religious training for priests. We have a very long way to go.
Our training currently consists of outlines of exit standards: CTP Cicles 2 and 3 have complete guides available, but CTP 1 does not at this time. The guides for CTP 2 and 3 are in need of expansion into a real program, fleshed out to provide training, not just test it. Resources need to be consistently updated, and CTP 1, in particular, needs to be drawn into a guide that provides a lot of preliminary information and resource work.
Further, additional hands-on instruction needs to be developed: between videos of rituals, individual mentorship programs, and week-long (required) intensives at various points around the country, there's a lot of ground to cover. Rubrics and exit standard clarifications need to be provided.
One place that we've begun to move away from is the notion of assigning remedial Dedicant Path work: rather than finding a DP "inadequate" to the CTP training, we have started to draw on the full set of courses within ADF's various study programs and recommend additional work in order to provide further training instead of returning to old work and forcing repetition. This rests on the notion that challenging students with work that builds on previous work will bear fruit in a way that revisiting central concepts along may not. . . and will hopefully help them reinforce any core concepts that they may not completely comprehend. Remedial work is still a possibility, but it's far less likely now.
I mentioned earlier that this training program isn't perfect: it probably never will be. The original CTP Circle 1 was designed to be a bit more clergy-like than it turned out to be: this is a result of a need to pass something to get the ball rolling (it turned out that this was an excellent idea). Because of this, CTP 1 is identical to the First Circle of the Generalist Study Program, and it does not teach some skills that are probably necessary for clergy work.
To correct this, there are already plans to rebalance the CTP, to reduce the front-end weight of the academics and distribute several already-approved-but-not-required courses through the CTP in a logical way. We are patiently waiting for a few more students to work through the current program before we begin revisions, as we want to have experience behind us when we seek to revise. The current time-frame for such revisions rests at around 2011 or 2012, at which point we hope to have many more people having worked through CTP 1, 2, and 3.
There's much to do yet with clergy training within ADF, but it is a clearly evolving (and planned) process that we have going on. Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: calm Current Music: "I Will Play For Gumbo", -JB
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August 26th, 2009
03:16 pm - Summerland '09
Really, I had a great time. There were highs and lows, as there are at every festival, but let me tell ya, the highs greatly outweighed the lows.
I managed to put together my tent on Wednesday night, though it was a hell of a battle in a very humid and hot afternoon. Then, I ran off to the Dayton airport to pick up Kathleen.
Thursday morning, I got in early and took care of distributing a few things around camp. Then I settled into my workshop. It interested me that people were excited about this one: I'd gotten such poor turnout at Wellspring, and here I found that people were actually looking forward to the workshop at Summerland. Oh, such different festivals :) There's an Oak Leaves article in store with this, and I hope to get it polished over the Winter.
I ended up going to bed very early on Thursday night, as work pressure just hasn't been letting up (I got called about an issue, even though my calendar was clearly marked: "vacation," though I didn't mind too much, really).
Friday was pretty good, starting with an awesome dawn ritual and culminating in the bardic circle and auction, where it turns out that we had way too much awesome stuff to auction off. I think the best part of the evening was watching Maggie run around in a backless red dress to show off auction items. Just before the Circle, though, I had some work to do: the ADF clergy have made a standing appointment based on lunar cycles, and I wasn't about to miss it. I'm so pleased I did, too, because it led to a grand experience the next day.
And, dude, if you missed the posting about several 3CG members engaging in a Barbershop (Barbarian) Quartet version of Led Zepplin's Immigrant Song, you just click that link and check it out.
On Saturday, I ended up doing a lot of Ancestor work: writing an invitation to them for the Unity Rite, I found myself going far deeper into the process than I expected to go. The result was a deeply meaningful understanding of the Ancient Wise, who they are, and what they do. This understanding led me to draw on images and lore that, until now, had been locked mostly within my own mind, and allowed me to introduce some of that imagery to the Folk of ADF. . . if they were paying attention, I guess. I hear, though, that the Ancestors invitation went very well for the most part.
On Saturday night, I participated in a panel discussion about various aspects of the future of ADF, which was something I was looking forward to talking about, but I admit to feeling somewhat disappointed: after all the work I put into my portion, I see that very few people found value in it. People have remarked about boredom during the discussion, or that it was a farce of unimportance. To those who engaged with it and enjoyed it, thank you for making it a useful and good discussion: I've seen one or two people describe it as useful, and several people engaged positively with it during the event. I really do this sort of stuff on the notion that a single person learning a single thing is enough for me, so I'm so very pleased I did it. Still, I have a notion that the discussion might have been better served in a workshop slot that was a bit less "okay, everyone attend"-like. It might have made me feel better in the long run, and less like the work I've done and continue to do is generally not worth the time of others.
Saturday night also led to several good conversations, some of which were rather eye-opening and theologically deep. I love this sort of thing at festivals, even if I did end up missing pretty much the entire concert as a result. I also understand that I went to bed at just the right time to avoid drama (really, going to bed before 1 AM is the best way to avoid drama at most festivals, as the drinking heats up around that point and so do the arguments: it's like clockwork).
Sunday involved the taking down of many tents, cleaning, cooking (I love being in the kitchen with the Cranes) and lots of hugs. Then a collapse at home for a couple of hours' worth of napping.
Awesome festival, though, like always! I love meeting new and interesting people from around ADF, and I was so very happy to see that so many people came from so far away to attend and sorely missed the people who couldn't be there. I hope that those who came felt as honoured to be our guests as we felt to be your hosts! Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: "Bob Robert's Society Band", -JB
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August 25th, 2009
07:10 am - Barbarian Quartet & Viking Kittens See the awesome things you miss at Summerland if you stay at home?
Our inspiration was, clearly, Viking Kittens. I was hoping to get Maggie and tanrinia to be our kittens, but both said "No, no, and hell no." I would totally have bought them helmets and battle axes!
(Thanks to ravenna_blue for having the presence of mind to take video!) Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: amused Current Music: "Good Guys Win", -JB
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August 13th, 2009
11:44 am - Wow: Moving right along, it seems I look at where I am today in my CTP work and where I was just last week: I'm four questions away from completing CTP2.
I'm still struggling with the king/virgin dynamic (IE Studies 2) and the "why are deities jerks" question (IE Myth 2). I'm pending a book from the library by Maslach and Leiter about burnout (it seems to have been lost in the move from the Ackerman Stacks to the Thompson Stacks) to finish two questions in Leadership Development 1.
It is entirely possible that I could complete all four courses before Summerland, or even (if I get my book) before the "new" deadline I set for the first of them: Saturday.
CTP 2 is really the bear of the circles of study within our Training Program. It's heavy on academics and light on experience in some courses, and heavy on experience and light on academics in others. No matter who you are, you're going to hit a roadblock now and again. Being one of the first people to complete some of these courses made it worse, since druidkirk and I turned out to be guinea pigs for some pretty atrocious wording errors, minimum word counts, and repetitive questions.
Still overcoming those (annoyingly self-imposed, since I wrote most of them) obstacles has been highly educational.
Around 10:30 PM last night, I completed Ethics 1, ten questions I must admit I don't often ask myself. It was less research intensive than I expected, and more discussive of my personal thoughts and feelings. I learned a lot about myself in the process of answering those questions, too. Putting the Ethics 1 answers up is sort of like putting a naked picture of yourself up on the 'net, though: you wonder first if it's a good idea, and second who would even want to look at it?
I still have some outstanding submissions that were submitted but never reviewed, which isn't a big deal to me (though it appears that they're approaching a year of "just sitting"). I know that my work is good, and it's not like a "stamp of approval" has ever had an affect on my spirituality. Still, I suspect that at Summerland, I'll need to shove paper copies in front of the Clergy Council Preceptor and get them reviewed.
I cannot help but think though, about how impossible completion looked just two weeks ago, and how entirely possible it looks now. In fact, it looks like a foregone conclusion that I'll be finished by Summerland. It astounds me how much the simple action of re-setting my goal dates appears to have kicked me in the ass and gotten me moving.
I'm actually very eager to start on CTP3. Look for an update when I'm done with CTP 2 as to what my plan will be for the Third and Final Circle of the ADF Clergy training Program. Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: excited Current Music: "Summerzcool", -JB
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August 7th, 2009
02:45 pm - Virgins, Kings, and CTP roadblocks As I wait (and wait, and wait and wait some more) for the Windows 7 image to download to my hard drive, burn to a disk, and get uploaded to the software site I maintain, I end up reflecting on many things regarding my CTP work.
First, it seems that I'm not real good with the "King-and-Virgin" interaction in various IE cultures. Sure, there are Celtic ones, but I'm displeased by the lack of other cultures. I posted on my LJ the other day that sometimes the ADF Clergy Training Program questions are harder for me because I wrote so many of them, and this is a solid example. I'm avoiding the use of the Mahabharata as long as possible, as it's so well into the classical Hindu age of India that I don't know what to do with it. And I don't really want to talk about Math's feet all that much on the Celtic side.
This, of course, puts me in a hell of a position regarding that question. I don't really want to break down and re-gurge something, but I might have to. I think I'll spend part of my weekend reading Enright's Lady With a Mead Cup and see what's in there, and possibly pick at the Usas/Indra relationship some. If nothing else, at least it'll be more interesting and less like a bad Telemundo soap opera.
I've also noticed the limitation of another question, which asks for two examples of a deity engaging in unethical behavior. This is all well-and-good, but I think I'd intended it to read something more along the lines of "a usually ethical deity engaging in unethical behavior." Obviously, it's just too easy to talk about Loki or Eris there, and answering with either of them would sort of defeat the purpose of the question. The aim was more to examine what causes "good gods to do bad things," and I think I failed in writing that question as well as I'd have liked.
Still, some questions are coming along swimmingly, and if I can manage to stay on track, I may be able to complete two courses this weekend: IE Studies 2 and IE Myth 2. Sometimes I wonder what we were thinking when we expected that these courses could all be done in a single year. Of course, it doesn't help that we've been writing them as we go along (fortunately, they're now complete through Circle 3).
I have books on order for Ethics 1 (I hope they're good sources for the questions I need answered), and I have a notion that Leadership Development 1 is going to be a bear, as well. Trance 2 is proving to be an issue of "I just can't get started on finishing it" more than anything else, but fortunately, I don't actually need to do Trance 2 for anything. . . except the ADF Initiate Path, in which it's the last required course I haven't submitted.
Anyway, here's hoping I can get something done in the next two weekends. I'll put this out here now:
Summerland 2010 is my target for Ordination as a Third Circle ADF Priest. Everything I've been working at has been with that in mind. That's my goal. I expect to make it.
Now I just gotta get past Circle 2. Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: bored Current Music: "Smart Woman (In a Real Short Skirt)", -JB
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July 31st, 2009
01:15 pm - Many updates on life, work, and Summerland Well, I was going to write about this awesome opportunity I received today to review articles for an honest-to-gods scientific journal, but then I saw the "Confidential Please" notice at the top of it and guess I oughtn't actually discuss it.
Anyway, I've been enjoying some good fortune recently, which is a nice change. Not that I ever had particularly "bad" fortune, but right now I'm feeling good about things, and I have been for a while. I'm even getting close to catching up on old mail that's been sitting in my in-box for a while (I'm up to July 1 or so, so barely a month behind: this is progress!).
I had an excellent performance review here at work, and my boss used words like "leadership," "initiative," and "reliable" when referring to my work. . . none of those words with a synonym of "lacking" modifying them. One of my projects is also referred to as "resulting in a major paradigm shift." I have found myself wondering if it'll make any difference when raises come out (if they do).
I have struggled to figure out an ADF social networking thing, and found that the damn thing is potentially out of my ability to figure out: I still don't know how to update MySpace, though I'm getting better with FaceBook. . . and Twitter is just. . . well, it's Twitter. I think I'm using it wrong, since I haven't Twittered while in the bathroom yet, or even to tell people I was going to go to the bathroom or reported on the results thereof. I'm pretty sure that's what Twitter was designed for. Trying to maintain the ADFDruidry Twit-stream (is that what they're called?) on top of my own has proven highly amusing at times.
I don't mind being socially inept in the real world, and I care even less that I'm socially inept in cyberspace: Web 2.0 seems to be primarily driven by the notion that I am the center of everyone else's universe. It's a silly notion, and it's led me to the conclusion that Web 2.0 is pretty darn silly, too.
I've been spending whatever free time I have (virtually none, admittedly) trying refine an article about the place of clergy within ADF. This riveting and exciting piece is unlikely to interest anyone outside of my own head, but it's in progress (and appears to be coming along nicely, actually). I'm looking forward to finishing this up, actually, though so far it raises more questions than answers.
Related to this, there's talk about ADF Orders going on. For the most part, I'm still hard-pressed on the utility of them: additional structure and such. Still, I'm working with them with a new interest after a discussion with seamus_mcnasty.
The other day, I got to use a healing prayer I once wrote for a friend undergoing surgery, and was a bit surprised to see it taken up by some others. I'd originally written it for someone else, but that's why we write prayers in advance and hang onto them: so that when the need arises, we have words for when there are no words.
And the Summerland presenter schedule is now up! Yeah! I hope to see many folk out at the festival, August 20-23! Oh, and I'll be presenting at the Dublin Irish Festival on Sunday (noon, Irish Traditions stage), the largest Irish Festival in the country (and entrance fees are waived if you arrive on Sunday before 11 AM)! Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: happy Current Music: "Love and Luck", -JB
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July 13th, 2009
11:07 am - Workshop at the Dublin Irish Festival, August 2nd I've noticed that the Grove is on the schedule for the Dublin Irish Festival this year. This is a huge, huge step for our Grove, one that we've been working on for a while. Special thanks go to April Ford for making this happen for us.
In years past, we had requested to do ritual at the Dublin Irish Festival, but had not heard back. This year, we were approached by our local community and asked to present at the festival on their behalf, and it was the community that went to the DIF and asked if they could be represented by us. That appears to have been the tipping point, and we're in.
DIF has provided this time to us partially to gauge interest in having a Pagan service on Sunday morning of the DIF next year. Having the community come out for the workshop we will be doing, "Ancient and Modern Druidry: Walking in Wisdom," is important, I feel, to making that happen.
Please do come out that morning (admission is free before 11 AM) and come to our noon workshop on August 2, 2009. Doing so may bring us closer to having a Druidic ritual at DIF next year, set up on par with the Gaelic Mass and the Protestant service. Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: happy Current Music: "Natives Are Restless", -JB
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July 8th, 2009
02:10 pm - Upcoming Projects I have been, it is probably pretty clear, very un-project-oriented for the past year or so; since the revision of The Dedicant Path Through the Wheel of the Year (affectionately known as WotY), I've put nearly all major projects on the back-burner, getting very little done.
Some projects have been finished: the ADF Clergy Training Program Circles 2 and 3 are now written and complete (though my own coursework is not), and the Liturgist Guild Study Program is also very close to "presentation-polished" for the rest of the Guild to look at. These are the result of minor things I did that were helped along amazingly by others, though, in my mind.
As things have become more. . . "normal" at work recently (for a while there it was balls-to-the-wall-day-and-night-what-the-hell-is-sleep-and-you-don't-get-to-be-parted-from-your-computer sort of stuff), I feel that old project-orientation coming back into play. So, in that spirit, here are a few things that I need to get caught up on, along with some thoughts on them.
- The Fire On Our Hearth (affectionately known as FooH): This is, as many of you know, the Grove's devotional book. We intended to get a "second edition" out around April 1 of this year, and it just. . . didn't happen. Mostly (okay, entirely), this is my fault: see above. But, as I look at a July that's pretty free of festivals and compulsory travel, I think we may be able to finish this out before Summerland, which would be pretty awesome.
- The Chronarchy.Com Store: This was originally going to supplement my income (it already has, to an extent, even though it's not open for business yet), and the stock includes things like portable altars, rune dice, Discordian Furthark dice, actual elder futhark rune sets, sigil dice, Greek divination tiles, and amulets. The issue has been an inability to create the requisite stock to actually open a store (I have a sneaking suspicion that the demand will be highest when it opens, and then it'll drop off). So, materials are prepared, I just haven't managed to make enough dice, rune sets, and altars to actually be comfortable opening the shop. I'd like to manage that soon, but it really requires a weekend without distraction to make three or four sets of any of these things.
- WotY: Edition 3: Since the "new" Dedicant Path handbook came out (sort of) recently, this is creeping up the list of things I need to do. For the most part, I need to update it so that it reflects the page numbers in the "new" DP book, as right now it's still referencing the old DP book. The current WotY outline can remain, of course, but
Ian Corrigan has brought up an interesting point about it: it could be far less academic and far more of a real "working" document, with ritual texts, meditations, and deeper guidance. This concept excites me, and I honestly very much want to make it something less like a homework schedule and more like a course of spiritual study (though the homework schedule would remain). And this leads me to the next item: - An IP and CTP WotY: Recent discussions about Orders within ADF, the IP work that
Ian Corrigan is doing, and some of my own comments about things I'd like to see within the CTP itself have led me into considering a more "as I go through this" sort of approach to a new WotY for the IP and CTP. There's room for as many IP/CTP training documents within ADF as we'd like to create, I think, and the more I think about this, the more excited I become about the whole prospect. This is a real thing in my mind, something that'll happen one of these days. As of now, though, it's partially unstarted, though the notes I'm taking are already taking some shape. - The Trillium Project:
sleepingwolf and I got this started at Trillium, and we've been working to expand it. . . This is likely to be the first project I finish, as I hope to send my part off to him sometime this week, if work doesn't hit the fan again.
So, those are the current projects I'm oriented toward and bringing online. They're all contingent on me continuing to work on my CTP work, and on work staying settled for a bit, but I think they're all doable. Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: busy Current Music: "Son of a Son of a Sailor", -JB
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May 26th, 2009
10:04 am - Projects, and a small haircut. A trim, really. Wellspring [review] has me back in the swing of spirituality, I think. I've got two study programs to finish my own work on (there's an odd, sudden urgency to finishing Trance 2. . . I wonder why?), as well as numerous projects that are in a stage of complete-or-almost-complete that just need that last little bit of work to create the report. Putting the Clergy Training Program to bed is liberating, but it also brings me back around to the next project, which is the completion of the Liturgist Guild Study Program, which needs to be written.
Oh, and as some have noticed, my hair is now cut a tad shorter.
( Donation Photos )
I've sent my hair off to Wisconsin for redistribution into a wig. It's a bit odd, sending hair off like that (the magician in me cringes at the thought), but it's good hair: thick, long, and never, ever treated with any sort of chemical or dye. I picked Pantene mostly due to the fact that they accept hair as short as 8 inches, which meant that more of my hair was likely to be used. They give hair specifically to women who have cancer, though that didn't factor much into my decision: I don't really care if it's a woman or a child, or if they have cancer or have just gone bald.
I just hope that someone enjoys the hair, and that it helps get them through what they're facing in life.
And for the record, no, I do not miss long hair (I actually hated it with a pretty intense passion), nor will I be doing this again in the foreseeable future. I loved doing it once, but I don't know if I'll ever be up for another round. Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: busy Current Music: "God's Own Drunk", -JB
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May 25th, 2009
09:49 pm - Wellspring 2009: Moving Forward I have to say, as festival years go, this one seems to be the one with the best feelings and generally the best weather I've ever been involved with so far.
Coming off Wellspring now, I'm starting to see patterns: 1) This year's festivals are smaller, more intimate affairs. 2) The festivals have a different energy, one that has been better across the board. 3) I've seen things getting resolved instead of complicated. 4) Each festival is bringing us closer to resolution on particular items that are organization-wide.
I was happy to hear of a couple of particular patch-ups between people that occurred, actually, and to see some change in activity (though on Sunday night I realized that bad gossip may never go away. . . which is okay, since I created some good gossip of my own. . . ask about how I created electricity in my pants!).
The Annual Meeting was particularly good: it was nice to hear about all the things being done for ADF, as well as hearing solutions presented for issues that have been raised over and over. I look forward to completing several of the items I got to personally address, as well as many items others addressed.
Of course, it's clear to me that I simply haven't done enough with the SP's of ADF: that point is drilled back into me all the time (I actually felt that I wouldn't have anything to say when Raven asked for my report, but fortunately, he didn't ask for a report: instead, he allowed me to elaborate on changes that are in place and that will occur). As Jimmy relates from a bar stool in Captain Tony's Saloon: "There's still so much to be done." It's clear to me that we have a long way to go, no matter how visibly excited I may be about what we have accomplished.
The main rite on Sunday night was powerful and deep, possibly one of the most powerful I've ever been to. Right now, I'm ranking it around #3 in my ADF experience, with the Belenos Rite at Summerset 2005 as #1, and my Consecration as #2.
The best part, though, was the note I found on my windshield just before I left, addressed to me but really for the Cranes as a whole. It seems that we had made one member's experience with ADF brighter simply by being who we are: open, outgoing and hospitable. I'm so proud of my Grove and all we've done, and reading the note made my heart burst with pride.
I read the note to the Cranes at lunch when I caught up with them in Erie, PA. I think they were as touched as I was.
All that said, this year is a year to go to festivals: if you can manage it, please, please do yourself a favour and get to one. And if it's Summerland, so much the better :) Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: cheerful Current Music: "Tryin' to Reason with Hurricane Season", - JB
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May 2nd, 2009
08:24 am - An understanding of death
It was a sort of odd feeling, in the wee hours of the Trillium morning [review], when I came to an understanding of death and what it meant to me.
I was writing my workshop, entitled, "An Awfully Big Adventure: Signposts on the Final Journey of Indo-European Souls," and was describing the things met along the way to the Otherworld: the two fires that separate the soul and the body, the various wells and waters, the ferryman who carries you across, the dog who devours, and the king of the dead himself. Over the past few months I've been dealing with death in various ways, considering my own views on it.
I probably ought to back up for a moment: I'm not much of one to dwell on afterlives. In general, my attitude has always been one of "we don't know, and won't until we get there." This has served me pretty well, honestly, for many years, and I have never thought of a coherent afterlife theory as being a requirement for leading a religious life. I had a (perhaps very Indo-European) view that it's not where we end up in the next life that matters, but how we act and what we do in this life. Sort of an expansion of the "it's not the destination, it's the journey" notion that folk often spout out.
Anyway, as I was finishing up the workshop, I found myself putting the pieces together in my head. Using Bruce Lincoln's Death, War and Sacrifice: Studies in Ideology and Practice, I discovered that I was coming to very different conclusions than Lincoln did about what happens after death: his theory was very pessimistic; mine turned out not to be.
In the end, Lincoln responds to the IE myth by saying that there is nothing after death at all: "the otherworld," he says, "[is] nothing more than the grave."
My own response is very different. Death, in an IE sense, really means something: escape from the greedy monster of old age, escape from worry and care, an opportunity to live forever in bliss or knowledge, and (perhaps most importantly) a chance to maintain the cosmos in an ultimate way: to be bound by the Rta or Xartus in the most physical and lasting way possible, by reversing the cycle of creation and thus maintaining the cosmos.
I took my cue for this from the Rgveda, of course. . . Hymn X.16, a hymn regarding the funeral.
May your eye go to the sun, your breath to the wind: go to the heaven and to the earth according to rule, or go to the Waters, if there it is ordained for you! Among the plants to take your place with your limbs! In other words, when you die, the things that formed you at your creation are returned to the cosmos, to live forever within the cosmic order.
I summed this up some time ago in an ancestor prayer you may have seen, not knowing that I would return to it during this workshop, and find myself understanding death as a result of my writing it:
When you were born, The earth became your body, The stone became your bone, The sea became your blood, The sun became your eye, The moon became your mind, The wind became your breath.
When you passed to the Otherworld, Your breath became the wind, Your mind became the moon, Your eye became the sun, Your blood became the sea, Your bone became the stone, Your body became the earth.
When we were born, you did the same for us: You called forth the earth and rocks; The sea arose and the sun descended; The moon shone down and the winds sang. For those who come after, we shall do as you did for us When we are gone, we shall do as you did before. When I gave that workshop later in the day, I suspect a sense of my awe at the epiphany was pretty conspicuous, though I tried to hide it as best I could.
In many ways, I'm not ready to face the death of someone I dearly love, no matter how near that possibility may have just been for me, but I find myself now with a more complete toolkit for dealing with it when it does, inevitably, happen to me. Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: surprised Current Music: "Tryin' to Reason with Hurricane Season", - JB
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April 21st, 2009
05:56 pm - Trillium 2009, and a joyful return It's true that I haven't missed a Trillium in five years, but it's also true that I don't think I've ever said, "Let's get out of the sun" at Trillium, either, until this year.
Trillium is that festival, you know? It's the one that, the first time you went to it, you said, "Wow, I really need to go to more festivals, because this is awesome!" It's the festival that turns you on to the festival circuit in ADF, that kicks off a year of camping and seeing old friends and meeting new ones all over again.
In short, Trillium reminds me why I'm an ADF member, year after year. It is the closest thing ADF has to a true Spring of Renewal, and I cannot imagine a festival season without it.
Though I was late coming to Trillium this year (I arrived at 2:30 AM on Saturday morning, missing two days of the festival), it didn't at all affect the amount of joy I felt at simply being there. Met by sleepingwolf and Chris at the fire that night, we spoke for a while before I finally put up my tent (in the usual campsite) and fell asleep.
The next morning, I finished my presentation and then went out for a stroll. It was a real pleasure to visit with folks for a very extended period of time for a change, to not be hurrying to the next workshop or worrying about ritual parts. Of course, then I was asked to take the omen at the main rite, so I guess I did end up with a part.
My workshop was entitled "An Awfully Big Adventure: Signposts on the Final Journey of Indo-European Souls," and it focused on the journey a soul experiences in the "generic" IE afterlife (with culturally specific information thrown in to make it applicable, of course). I had been listed on the schedule as "Surprise!" because I had utterly failed to get valkyrvolva a title for the workshop since I'd had so little breathing time to reply to her mailings before the actual event.
I like to think that my workshop was a pleasant surprise. I know it was for me, because in writing the workshop, I came to a new understanding of death and how I, myself, see it. But that's for another time.
After my workshop, I ran into town to do some thrifting (because Trillium is nothing without thrifting, so say I!), and then came back for the main rite, where I did some divination once I realized it was my turn to do something.
At the ritual, we were also privileged to meet Margaret, a new addition to the ADF family, and a beautiful baby girl. druidkirk did a beautiful presentation of the child to the folk (don't listen to him if he tells you he screwed up), and we all got to meet her up close.
The omens for the rite were: , , and 
The bardic circle was great, with acousticdryad leading the thing. I remember the first time I heard her singing at Wellspring so many years ago (I honestly thought it was a recording of some great artist at the time), and her voice just gets better every time I hear it. She kept the Bardic Circle running smoothly and gave it an oh-so-subtle push when it started to run out of steam. The Circle itself ran long into the night, with some drumming, but mostly people telling stories about their encounters with divinity, singing a song, or telling a joke. In all, it was one of the best Bardic Circles I think I've ever been at.
Sunday morning saw me up early again, and I grabbed breakfast (an awesome fudgesicle) with druidkirk and then caught up with sleepingwolf for a project that we decided simply needed to be done. I stuck around a bit to discuss next year's Trillium (the theme will be "magic" and I've volunteered to present on "Creating Magical Entities" already), and am already looking forward to doing this all again.
I have to say, it was one amazing weekend. I'm so much more relaxed today than I was when I left on Friday: good friends, good conversation, and a comfortable place to sleep will do that for you, though.
Yeah, I wouldn't trade my Trillium experiences for anything in the world. Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: satisfied Current Music: "Wonder Why We Ever Go Home", -JB
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March 13th, 2009
01:16 pm - Helping out a friend of our Grove
seamus_mcnasty posted about this today, but I wanted to note it as well:
The residence of Roger Drawdy, his wife Kate, and 5 month old daughter Sky, was consumed by flames beginning at about 2AM, 03/12/09. They are all safe and Roger also woke their downstairs neighbors, thus saving their lives as well. All got out of the building with the clothes on their backs and little more. Three Cranes Grove, ADF, is taking donations at our site, and (since I'm the 3CG webmaster and can do this) I thought I'd make it easy by also placing the donation button here:
Roger is lead singer for the Firestarters, a band we hope to have play at Summerland this year (I think they're confirmed at this point, but don't know for sure, thus the "we hope they'll play").
If you can make a donation, it would be greatly appreciated: 100%, of course, goes to the family. I can't even imagine what it would be like to have only the clothes on my back when I had a five-month-old daughter to take care of. Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: okay Current Music: "Stand Today", - Roger Drawdy & The Firestarters
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February 9th, 2009
11:13 am - No DMF for me this year Due to a wide variety of things, including my recent promotion (and subsequent OMGNowWTFDoWeDoWeNeedToStartNOW moment regarding a project I've been trying to get started for six months now), I will not be able to attend Desert Magic this year. This is generally okay, as I had already decided not to go, but somewhat disappointing, as I really enjoy the festival, and had intended to go as early as Jan. 1 of this year.
So, if you were hoping to see me, I'm afraid I won't be able to make it to that one.
I'll send along something for the auction, though, even though I can't make it. Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: annoyed Current Music: "The Wino and I Know", -JB
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February 4th, 2009
07:27 am - 1,500: Reviewing my vocational statement ( Here is a basic timeline of my tenure in ADF. It's relevant, I promise. )
Not so long ago, I started thinking back on the work I've done as ADF Clergy, and began re-exploring the vocation I have for it.
I started down this path in college: old journals turn up statements like, "If I were Catholic, I'd be in seminary right now." I know now, looking back on it, that I was feeling a call to lead services and help others for a very long time, even before I'd graduated high school.
I remember when the Universal Life Church put their ordinations online and opened up access to the entire world. I also remember making the conscious decision not to obtain ordination in that way. I didn't make that choice because I felt it was an invalid method of becoming clergy, or because I thought it was beneath me; rather, I felt it was not the right path for me to take.
What was important to me was not ordination. It was not the powers conferred by the state or by other priests. It turned out that I didn't see ordination or priesthood in that way.
What I wanted was recognition of status achieved by the body of my chosen spiritual community.
I remember feeling shocked and somewhat embarrassed that the ADF Unity Rite I was consecrated in was so much about me. Every invocation and evocation mentioned me, with the Kindreds being addressed and asked to support me and give me strength during their invitation. I didn't know what that meant at the time, but I do now. It wasn't about the various Priests recognizing me, but about the fact that I'd done things within ADF to the point that the recognition was just right. It just came naturally to them. I don't believe any instruction for those invocations was ever given to those who participated in the rite: they just did it.
That thought, by the way, humbles me even more deeply, and makes me even more embarrassed in retrospect.
It has been, now, nearly three years since I took my oath that day, and dedicated my head, my heart, and my hands to this journey that we call ADF.
The other day, I went back to my Clergy Vocational Statement, and re-read it for the first time in over two years. I wanted to see what was still relevant, and get at why I chose to go this route in the first place. I know that I still struggle with being clergy. I know that Priesthood in ADF is still something that I sometimes question. I know that I still feel like a rookie apprentice among learned old wizards. But much about what I thought was calling me has changed.
( I made some astute statements. )
( I also made some rather. . . un-astute statements. )
A lot of what I thought would be the focus of my clergy work simply isn't the focus. The things I love to do, including the training program development, the ritual, and the simple joy of being a part of this experiment that is "Our Own Druidry," are still vibrant. But my expectations have changed so much. My own struggles with relating the GSP work to Clergy training were complicated enough: I felt untrained and underdeveloped when I started, but I have realized that I will always feel like that (and, should I stop feeling like that, I'll know I have a problem!).
The thing is, I'm a very different person than I was before my Consecration. It changed me, and time has changed me further. Despite that, some people will not see me as changed, but as the kid I was when they knew me before that ritual. Some will not see me as the kid I was before, but only who I am now.
And some, those closest to me, I think, will know the change deeply, and will understand it better than I do myself. And with the changes I have undergone, they will find that it is not me that changed, but it is my true self that emerged and began to develop itself. I know this because I am more at home with myself than I was three years ago, struggling through a hard breakup and really experiencing what it was like to be scared and alone for the first time; more at home with myself than I was ten years ago, struggling to find meaning in college coursework without a clear goal in sight; and more at home than I was fifteen years ago, stumbling onto Paganism in Caesar's Commentarii de Bello Gallico and praying for the first time to divinities I found in my Latin class.
And this, my friends, is what excites me about the prospect of Ordination within ADF: if Consecration can change me in such beautiful ways, what changes are in store for me when I am a fully Ordained Priest?
This is my 1,500th LiveJournal entry, and I want to thank those who have read this journal since 2002. My longest readers are the most special to me, and I often think about what you must have seen as you've followed this blog. Don't worry, there is much more to come. Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: indescribable Current Music: "Landfall", -JB
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December 31st, 2008
12:12 pm - Time to start planning for festivals!
 Some days, I walk arm-in-arm with a fox dressed in the clothes of a man and carrying many hidden things | I was thinking today of the festival circuit, and how it looks these days.
A lot of festivals have the same presenters, over and over again. I mean, how many times have you gone to a festival, looked at the schedule, and said, "Damn, that Michael J Dangler guy is presenting again? Don't they have anyone else?"
There was a real sense of pride when Oak Leaves published several issues without anything written or submitted by me (except a filk I didn't write). . . It was good to see the mag run on its own, without me writing articles or editing the pages on the back-end, a sort of feeling that all the work I did for that rag was worth it in the long run.
I have begun to wonder if the festivals wouldn't be the same way: what would happen if I went a year without presenting at a festival, but just went to the festivals as a participant and hung out?
I already mostly hang out at certain festivals: Wellspring rarely sees me give a presentation, and Summerland hasn't seen a presentation of mine in a few years. But then, at other festivals I have presented nearly every year: Trillium, Desert Magic, and Midnight Flame (where I, along with Skip and druidkirk, was once the entire program).
I do not mind paying to get in to festivals, so the main perk of presenting (free festival admission) isn't so vital to me as it might be for others. Indeed, as a presenter I've paid where I could, and I've never made festival admission a requirement for giving a workshop. When cash has been tight (as it often is), I've occasionally really wished that a festival would pay my way for a workshop, but I've never made a big stink about it.
The kicker to all of this is that I would really, really like to see new people given a chance to give presentations, and to see people who haven't presented in years come back and give presentations on new material. While I am always happy to fill a spot on a program (or, as has happened in the past, headline a festival bill), I really want to see opportunities go to more ADF members, even if it means I get to hear myself speak less (tragic, I know).
Maybe this is the year to do that. Maybe I just need to hang out and be there for other members of ADF: the ones who need a presentation slot in order to attend a festival, the ones who have great ideas that need to be heard, or the ones that are just tired of hearing me ramble on about things.
My festival schedule is currently: Trillium, Desert Magic, Wellspring, Summerland, and Midnight Flame. I hope to sit in the audience at as many of those as I can manage. I'll hang onto some materials and have a presentation ready to go, but I'll offer to present only as a back-up in case they can't fill their schedule or someone doesn't show, rather than snatching a good slot early-on.
I wonder if I can manage to get to a few more festivals, as well? As the Buffett Oracle sang to me this morning, "Only time will tell." Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: working Current Music: "Richard Frost", -JB
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September 9th, 2008
02:38 pm - Midnight Flame Festival, 2008
Last weekend's Midnight Flame Festival was pretty darn awesome. I grabbed some photos (okay, a lot of photos, mostly of fire, oddly enough). This entry has a short sampling :)
I really like this festival. It's come to mark the end of my own festival season, and for those of you who either are Norse or just kind of like the Norse gods, this is the festival for you. It's a heavily Norse-leaning festival (moreso than Trillium or Desert Magic, which both seem to skew that direction), and it's just a lot of fun.
One of the focal points of the festival is this pretty awesome little tradition of burning a hollow log, which gives a pretty excellent effect for several hours. You can see it below this paragraph. We sumbled the night away, raising toasts to the Kindreds, and then offered boasts, toasts, and oaths for ourselves. My own boast (carefully worded) was that the Clergy Training Program is nearing completion. Finally. There's a light at the end of that long, dark tunnel.

Flip's boast, however, was that he would submit his Dedicant Path documentation before the next Midnight Flame Festival.

Now, we get to bug him (gently) until he actually submits it!
I love going up to this festival. It's a load of fun, really. It's quiet, laid back, and pretty simple, but then, what more do you need? I'll be back at it next year.
A toast to the two Groves who host it! Current Location: Southeast of Disorder Current Mood: hungry Current Music: "When Salome Plays the Drums", -JB
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