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Terror at 33,000 feet! - Chronarchy

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May 14th, 2004


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04:32 pm - Terror at 33,000 feet!
gothicdruid asked me to bring some white gas with me to Wellspring so he could use his stove. We started talking about whether he should even bring the bottles for the gas, because of the vapor they may have in them (he's flying from California, and they don't allow flamable liquids on planes, you know). And this got me thinking.

Oh, you know what happens when I think!

So here's the news story that would probably run if Todd took a couple of empty white gas bottles on the plane:

===

"DRUID TERRORIZES FLIGHT"

"At 33,000 feet, a leader from the terrorist organization A.D.F. (whose full name is unknown because no one can spell or pronounce it) took a plane hostage today, threatening to set off a bomb on the plane. Also on the plane were 30 children from the First Baptist Grade School of Los Angeles, who were flying to Cleveland to protest what they call the "Devil Music Hall of Fame". Authorities suspect that Todd Covert, (probably an alias used for secret or "covert" operations for the A.D.F. organization), smuggled the cannisters on board on orders from his superiors, the "Mother Grove". Apparently, the cannisters had been used before for dry runs, because they had been emptied of all contents, and he had simply forgotten to re-fill them with their dangerously flammable contents. It was this small slip that led to the capture of this terrorist mastermind and saved the crew and passengers of Flight 1932."

"The A.D.F., known for it's facade of laziness, disorganization, and infighting, has been a harbour for Druid Fundamentalists for years. The "Arch Druid", a shadowy figure who goes by the terrifying pseudonym, "Skip", is the leader of the organization. He does nothing without the express consent of the "Mother Grove", which the FBI reports is a kind of "down to earth UFO cult within the larger scheme of the organization." Despite the fact that there are only 12 people on the "Mother Grove", they pretend to never reach agreement. In private, however, they reach complete consensus in seconds, because each member is under the primary control of the sinister "Skip"."

""Why the A.D.F. chose to send a "Mother Grove" member of such high rank on a suicide mission can only be speculated at this point", said FBI spokeswoman Marsha Deaver. "But we will get to the bottom of this, and this "druidic" cult of fundamentalist terrorists will be destroyed.""

"Each local terrorist cell is called a "Grove", and small cells are called "Protogroves", which seems to be a kind of euphamism for "Spawn Grove" or "Primitive Grove". Individual workers are called "Sprouts". It is suspected that this terminology is from reading too many science fiction novels by the organization's initial leader, who ruled with an authoritarian bent. He took his name from the bones he crushed on his way to the top of the organization: "Bonewits"."

===

It would have gotten more prolific, but I was called to a meeting while writing it.

Work should not interfere so.
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: "Last Mango in Paris", -JB

(27 comments Leave a comment)

Comments:


From:rubydolphin
Date:May 14th, 2004 03:44 pm (UTC)
(Link)
ROFL... that was great!

One question, though. Since he's flying in, he's obviously going to hit some kind of city and/or town before getting to Wellspring. Why not just stop on the way from the airport and pick up the gas? Is it that hard to find?
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:May 14th, 2004 04:11 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Well, you have to *find* a camping store, because most places don't carry white gas. That can be difficult if you're not from around a place.

It's just easier (and a bit more hospitable) for me to pick it up for him. It's not like it's expensive.

He *could* use kerosine in the thing, I'm sure, but that doesn't burn as well.

But thanks :)

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