Chronarchy (chronarchy) wrote,
Chronarchy
chronarchy

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You know, these rants are becoming all too common for a straight kid raised in Kentucky.

Reading in the paper today, I got mad. Really mad. There is a note that the opponents of gay marriage in Ohio "have enough signatures" to put a constitutional amendment on the ballot.

I ask, "Why has the GBLT community not done the same thing!" I offer several wording alternatives that could be put into effect:

First, there is the idea that marriage cannot be defined by the constitution:
'Marriage, as a religious institution, cannot be defined by this constitution.'
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Second, there is the idea that no one should get married:
'Marriages may no longer be recognized in the State of Ohio. Civil unions may be recognized by government agencies and private companies for the purposes of partner benefits.'
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But why not put a competing amendment on the ballot? Would that show people how stupid the FMA is?
'Marriage in the State of Ohio shall consist only of the union of a man and a man or a woman and a woman. This Constitution shall not be construed to require that marriage or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon any union other than the union of a man and a man or a woman and a woman.'
This wording, of course, is based off of the Federal Marriage Amendment. If one group's sexual choice will be forced onto another's, why don't we go with the group that has never had a divorce? Sounds 'sacred' to me.

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Of course, maybe people need to see that this whole thing is ridiculous. If that's the case, then perhaps we should try to get this amendment onto the ballot?
'Marriage in the State of Ohio shall consist only of the union of a man and a platypus. This Constitution shall not be construed to require that marriage or the legal incidents thereof be conferred upon any union other than the union of a man and a platypus.'
(Sorry, ladies. No platypi for you!)

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If it has to be all about the opposite sex, let's make damn sure they really are opposite sex!
'In order to obtain a marriage license, applicants must appear naked and submit to a full body search, gynecological exam, and test of prostate health. Licenses will be granted only to couples of opposite sex.'

(Special thanks to kittenpants for her inspiring fantasy.)

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Finally, something that will really squick 'em:
'Divorce is hearby made illegal to protect the sanctity of marriage.'
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Now, seriously, with whom do I speak to get these amendments onto the ballot? Where do I get the petition, and how many signatures do I need?
Tags: activism, amusement
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