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Ár nDraíocht Féin
Three Cranes
Chaos Matrix

December 27th, 2004

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06:34 pm - A dream.
Last night I had a dream. Apparently, this is the kind of dream you have when you can't sleep because you're in a bit too much pain. Here is what it was about:

A.J. Drew was on television. The line across the bottom of the screen identified him as an "authoritative author". Well, right there I knew it was a dream, but I've never been much for lucid dreaming, so I let it take its course.

AJ and some kid were talking about death, and the kid was showing a picture of a patient in a hospital dying. The photo was taken at the moment of death, and AJ was describing a strange, amorphous form that was hovering over the body.

"You see here," he said, "the soul leaving the body. This is one of five beings that we all have within us. This one represents who we think we are. In another second, the one that shows who we really are would be emerging. . ."

His head kept talking, but I stopped listening. Instead, I focused on doing a Chaos Working to contact these five beings. I called them up from the depths of myself, and they surrounded me.

The first was tall and lanky. Its head was larger, broader than its shoulders. It was my past.

The second was short and yet graceful. It wore a beard and carried a horn. It was my future.

The third was similar to me, but broken in places. Skin hung off its face, and it had no feet. It was my deep self.

The fourth was young and its face was soft. It tilted its head, listening and its right hand twitching, like it wanted to reach out. It was who I think I am.

The fifth was strangely similar to the fourth, but rather than tilting its head to the side, it tilted its head forward. It was who I truly am.

The air grew thick and damp, and I suddenly realized that I was in a jungle hut. It was night, and the "selves" faded. In their place came shapes of men. One man held a bloody knife in one hand, and a mass of flesh in the other.

The men spoke Vietnamese, and I knew these were VietCong. One stepped behind me and said something. He laughed hard at his joke, and cut my hands free.

I didn't move. I didn't want to. I fought back a terror, one that would force me to put my hands to my face. I fought it because I knew what I would find.

I knew the mass of flesh one man had was my face.

There were no lips. There were no eyelids. There were not even ears. My nose was a hole in my head.

I fought the terror. I calmly stood up and took a step forward. I felt pain as the stub where my foot once was hit the straw mat on the ground. I gritted my teeth, knowing that there would be no change in expression because there was no face to show it. I continued walking, precariously balanced on two stumps, listening to the laughter of the five men in the hut.

I moved into the jungle, slowly learning to balance on my stubs. The laughter died out, and was replaced with the dull beat of the rain on my now-bare skull. I shambled through the trees, intent on returning to base.

The moon rose above me as I traveled. I moved with it through the night, not stopping to rest. There was information I had that needed to get back.

Finally, I saw a light in the distance. I walked straight toward it, knowing that this was where I camped the night before with my platoon.

When I arrived, there was a fire and boxes of munitions, but none of my mates.

I heard laughter behind me, and I turned.

A small figure sat on a crate next to a small rocket. "Your friends are gone," it said. "I can get you to them."


"On this," he said, as he gestured to the rocket. "You ride it, and it'll get you to your buddies. They're on the other side of that hill, and you won't make it in that condition. The VC are on their way."

"And what do you get?" I asked.

"Nothing. Not from you, at least." Laughter came from the jungle. "Better hurry. Be sure to jump before you hit, or you're going to be in much worse condition."

I nodded, and climbed onto the rocket.

And I woke up.

Just for fun, anyone wanna try to interpret that?
Current Mood: weirdweird
Current Music: "Nautical Wheelers", -JB

(21 comments Leave a comment)


Date:December 28th, 2004 02:47 am (UTC)
OK, here goes. I work off a theory a friend taught me, that everyone in our dreams is actually ourself. You show that with the soul issue quite well. I don't know who AJDrew is, but you don't seem to have much opinion of him as a writer. Is there some part of you that doubts or critiques your own writing? It can be a very destructive little voice, but it does have things to teach us. Perhaps try to figure out why you're showing these facets of your essence to a younger self. Why is it important the kid know this?

Viet Cong... For our generation, a faceless enemy, no pun intended. We weren't the ones to come face to face (sorry) with them, we only heard stories of "Charlie" as the boogeyman. What is it about their culture, their environment, their treatment of you that makes you use them as a symbol of both authority and fear? Why do they have power over you?

They have taken your face. The face humanizes and personalizes us. Look at all the serial killers that mutilate faces. It's to de-personalize the act. The face, being the window to expression and the soul, can also be a symbol of self or even ego. Why have these figures in power stripped you of your outer self, your ego?

You're trying to find the way back to connections that are important to you, your "buddies". Part of you knows a quick and easy way to restore these connections, (your "little voice")but you may not get the results you want by doing it this way. If you don't make it back to them in a decent condition, does that mean they'll see you without your face? That you will be stripped and vulnerable before these important pieces of yourself? Are you taking the easy way out that could blow up in your face?

That's how I interpret, by showing someone where to look themselves for the answers...
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 01:29 pm (UTC)
You can always do a search for Drew on Amazon.com. I'm sure his books are there.

*grins* You and the faceless facing of faces that blow up in my face :)

I have no idea why they were VC. Heck, if anything, after having read A VietCong Memior, I'm actually somewhat sympathetic to them (don't let my dad know that, though). The only thing that might make sense is that I'd heard a lot about them from my father, but I haven't. I recall one story, and they weren't boogymen at all, but rather simply figures that don't do much but run away and occasionally shoot.

When I thought about getting back to the platoon, it was about getting them information, not about getting to 'em. Though I admit having no idea what the information was.

Thanks. Nifty interpretation. :)
Date:December 28th, 2004 03:09 am (UTC)
Freud would say it means you want to have sex. Oh, and it's your mom's fault.
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 01:30 pm (UTC)
Damn mom *shakes fist*
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 03:27 am (UTC)
dude, thats a bit messed up.
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 01:30 pm (UTC)
Thanks. That's what I thought, too. :)
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 05:19 pm (UTC)
I wish I had more dreams like that though.
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 06:05 pm (UTC)
Vivid, or just freaky?
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 11:46 pm (UTC)
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 04:16 am (UTC)
Well, I think there are two main portions of dream here, mostly unconnected IMO, though I do notice a similarity between person #3 (deep self) and you in the VC (second) dream. Also, no one will be able to interpret this as well as you, simply because for every symbol, someone else will apply their own filters to it and draw their own meanings from it. Since you dreamed it, its you who will best know the meaning of each symbol. With that said, what the hell...

For person #1, your past, "tall and lanky... head was larger, broader than its shoulders". This, to me anyway, seems to imply broader hopes/dreams (bigger head) than ability (bigger than shoulders/body). Not surprising, for a past self.

For person #2, your future, "short and yet graceful... a beard and carried a horn", this would seem to imply that you expect your abilities will surpass your body (short doesn't seem to be diminutive here). As to the horn, you'll have to interpret that. It is undoubtedly meaningful, else it wouldn't be there, but it could mean a lot of things (communication, sign of status, etc.).

Person #3, deep self, is a bit hard to interpret, especially since I don't know how "deep self" differs from "true self" (#5). I'm going to interpret it as your unconscious. In this case, it could mean a bunch of things. In theory, it could mean that you haven't listened to your unconscious; deterioration of the face could mean lack of identity, that you don't recognize it or allow it as much freedom (lack of legs) as you should. However, it could be a "normal" thing since the unconscious (in Jungian psychology anyway) is the "shadow" and thus we don't expect to find it looking pretty (since it is by definition what we are refusing to integrate).

For person #4, who you think you are, "young and face was soft" could mean that you think of yourself as young and still inexperienced (soft face). "listening and right hand twitching, wanted to reach out" could mean that you think of yourself as listening too much and acting too little (indecisive? analysis paralysis?).

For #5, who you truly are, a head tilted forward instead of to the side would mean, I think, much more willing to act, and seems pretty balanced to me (it wasn't clear whether the hand thing was there for #5 too).

As for the VC, face-missing stuff, I have no idea, though gyrfalcondruid's comment about "everyone in our dreams is actually ourself" seems like a good one in terms of trying to unravel it.
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 01:33 pm (UTC)
Very nice. I usually think of a person as a whole, not with "parts" to themselves, like here. Heck, I don't even really believe in a sub- or unconscious, just find them interesting tools sometimes.

That's what really struck me as strange about the idea of five of these things. It's not something I would usually consider.

But I like those interpretations. Always good to see an outside perspective on the things.
Date:December 28th, 2004 04:52 am (UTC)
man, my dreams are never that vivid.

[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 01:34 pm (UTC)
Mine usually aren't. If I'm having any sort of vision, I've usually induced it myself. Almost never do I have dreams while I sleep.
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 07:16 am (UTC)
I see a link between your fall on the ice and the loss of your feet in the dream. When you fell, you were alone - no one to help you, and you were afraid (at least subconciously) of not being able to walk. You were also potentially surrounded by enemies (the cars).

As to AJ Drew, I noticed that what he was saying on t.v. turned out to be correct in your dream. Maybe you're afraid that he knows more than you think he does. ;-)

Just my two cents.
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 01:43 pm (UTC)
The primary link between the fall and the dream is that the fall caused me to sleep very poorly. Had I not fallen, I'm likely to have slept like a baby and never had this dream.

Dreams are so rare for me (maybe one per month, tops) that I can't help but link the fall with the dream.

But then again, I don't remember any fear at all. Confidence that I would end up in the right reality, yes, but not fear. Yes, like a good Chaote, I'm taking credit for the fact that I caused myself to walk away with bruises. It is, after all, the only real explaination.

Wait until you hear how I made ceolnamara's cell phone appear in my car.

Something tells me that if I'm wrong about the amout of things AJ knows, I might be over-estimating :) I'd attribute it more to being a gullible bastard who believes anything he hears. Everything anyone has ever said in one of my dreams has been "true", in that it affected the dream later on.
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 02:35 pm (UTC)

A Dream

Okeedokee Michael, I'm not a dream interpretor but like you I don't dream very much either and when I do I know there's a message somewhere in there, so here's my shot at trying to understand your dream.

"The first was tall and lanky. Its head was larger, broader than its shoulders. It was my past."
I realize you say this was your past but bear with me: could this be North - Nature Spirits.
"The second was short and yet graceful. It wore a beard and carried a horn. It was my future."
East - Shining Ones
"The third was similar to me, but broken in places. Skin hung off its face, and it had no feet. It was my deep self."
South - Outdwellers
"The fourth was young and its face was soft. It tilted its head, listening and its right hand twitching, like it wanted to reach out. It was who I think I am."
West - Ancestors
"The fifth was strangely similar to the fourth, but rather than tilting its head to the side, it tilted its head forward. It was who I truly am."
Center - Yourself
Also, as to the VC, a platoon and munitions.
Could it represent either a war within yourself or around you?
Missing your face - are you having trouble seeing yourself as others see you? are you putting on a different face for different people?
Small figure saying: "Your friends are gone"
Are you missing your friends from your past? If so, would they like what you've become?

[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 02:48 pm (UTC)

Re: A Dream

Ooh, nifty way of looking at it. I like it :) Thanks.

Damn crazy dream, that's for sure.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 06:15 pm (UTC)
No worries.

Just know that LJ is evil.

Thanks for lunch, and the tour. :)
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 07:42 pm (UTC)
I knew the mass of flesh one man had was my face.

Interesting way to "lose face," don't you think? Given your patrons, I wouldn't bet on coincidence there. :) And it does pretty much synch up with what seems to be a recurring fear throughout the dreams of not really being what you appear to be (or AJ in the first case).

Incidentally, I'd say you had five dreams, probably morphing from one to the next. Also, I find it interesting that you navigated by the light of the moon on the night of a full (or nearly so) moon. I keep finding myself waking up in the middle of the night, drawn to the windows and the odd semi-daylight that you see only in the winter when there's a full moon and snow on the ground.

I'm still kinda curious about what "information" you needed to get to your buddies -- and who those buddies were... you do know, of course, that the rocket is quite a phallic symbol, and it's interesting that you awoke just as you were climbing aboard... :D
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 07:53 pm (UTC)
*laughs* Phallic symbols are only phallic symbols to those searching for phallic symbols. :)

As to the information, I doubt I recall that. But then, sometimes things get remembered later, too.
[User Picture]
Date:December 28th, 2004 10:56 pm (UTC)
Just wanted to add a personal note: I know everyone rips on AJ, and his books aren't very good, and he commercialized the Witches' Ball. But I have to say, his rituals are the most powerful ones I've ever been involved in.

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