It hit me in the driveway.
I was pissed.
And I knew exactly why.
I've been working hard for the past month, probably harder than I've ever worked before. I have various projects that I'm doing on top of the normal stuff. Here's a sampling:
- I applied to Grad School, finally, fully.
- I've been covered in work at my office, and I am currently busier than I that job has ever made me.
- I sent out 73 (very late) christmas cards (up from 0 last year)
- I've increased my work at the ADF Office
- I've proofread two issues of Oak Leaves in 3 days
- I have a couple of articles in progress for both ADF and PSA
- I have my most elaborate, well-researched presentation ever for PSA, and I'm seeing Soggoths again because of it.
- I need to re-write three different things
- I'm behind on painting Tina's room
- I'm counting on my tax return, but I can't get my W-2
- Kori, of all people, has just strolled back into my life.
- I'm sleeping three places most nights because. . .
- I have five cats, four rats, 20 odd fishes, and fifty odd orchids demanding every waking second of my attention.
- I haven't even looked at the Grove Organizer's Handbook yet, and that's way overdue
- The hot tub needs a fresh filter and a water change
- I ran out of clothes to wear and dishes to eat from
- I realized that it was the cats who have used all the dishes and I have averaged one meal per day since Tina left
- I was at work two extra hours last night to pick up some slack
- I have a liturgy to proof before Friday
- And I have managed to piss off nearly everyone I know at least once since December.
What's that? Sounds like I need to take a break? Not on your life!
Believe me or not (your choice), while it's been busy, it's also been exhilarating and fun. Plus, not everything above is necessarily "bad". Grad school, christmas cards, and Kori are all good things, and Oak Leaves and everything else I do for ADF and PSA is all one big barrel of monkeys. And we all know how much fun a barrel of monkeys is. Hell, even Soggoths are pretty darn cool.
So why the pissy mood? I narrowed it down to one thing in particular: someone told me to do her research for her.
Now, this, even, is not necessarily bad. I love doing research, and what's more is that I'll do it for any friend who asks. At the moment, in fact, I even have books on order for one friend who asked me very nicely. I have excellent access to some much-needed resources: I do work for a major university. Sometimes I can get things no one else can.
But this was different.
Instead of proving her case, she said, "You go, cite your source. Prove your side. I don't need to do the work." It was the air of superiority, the obvious talking-down that got to me.
She wasn't talking to me, of course, but it still felt demeaning. She was demanding citation more exact than any academic paper ever provides. It wasn't enough to be right. . . someone's nose had to be rubbed in the dogshit for her to finally be happy.
Do I know the answer to the question? Sure do. I could rattle it off at any time. In fact, I've known for years. Why not pipe up when the question was first presented? Because I had no source material. I do now.
But my lips are sealed. If you can't ask nicely, you can't ask at all. I've always really liked her, but even if she was right, she was dead wrong about the way she asked the question.
Sometimes I wonder: do people want friends, or do they want someone to hold them up to the light so that the world may revolve around them?
It's hard to piss me off, and it takes real work, but sometimes it happens. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm a bit busy.