August 12th, 2003


Old black magic. . .

I just drove by the place where I last spoke with her.

I hear she still complains about me. I hear she couldn't get past the fact that I wouldn't sleep with her, or even kiss her. It wasn't from a lack of desire.

She spent weeks bitching about me to a friend. He wanted her, and couldn't get past me. Neither of them could. He because she was dwelling on me, and her because. . . well, I don't really know.

I still think of her, my thoughts lingering over her wavy blonde hair, my heart skipping a beat when I meditate upon her lips. I miss her.

Some of my friends didn't like her. "Shallow" they said; "fluffy" they hollered; "scary" they whispered.

It's been a while since I wrestled her to the ground, since I touched her lips, since I lay in her bed bleeding. It's been too long, and definitely not long enough.

She still has something of mine. Can I look her up? Would she talk to me? Is she even around? Does she read this now?

She never got what she wanted from me, and I never got what I wanted from her. Most people don't understand how I realted to her, and how I wanted to relate to her. They never understood the things I saw in her: the beauty and the purity she hid so well.

I miss her now. It's a bit empty here, but she's out of my life, and beyond my reach.
  • Current Music
    Tin Cup Chalice

My deity has a first name, it's E-S-U-S

How is it that one deity can have so many bad descriptions online?

My webpage has, I think, a pretty good definition of Esus, but I'm sorely disappointed in everything else out there on Him.

Take the following description that has been copied word for word on many websites:

"(Gaul) God equated with either Roman deity Mars or Mercury. Human sacrifices to Esus were hanged and skewered with a sword. Esus is usually pictured as a woodcutter. His sacred animal was the bull."

Often, you'll see a similarly puzzling statement like this:

Esus' name means "Lord" or "Master". Esus was the husband of Rosmerta.

Where do these people get this stuff? You can tell it's all copied from some book somewhere.

I hate it when my personal Patron Deity is just given random associations that aren't elaborated on. I can see some kid Pagan who did some quick research on the 'net deciding to invite Esus to his next tea-party of a ritual.

"I want to invoke Mars and Mercury, but I'm Celtic! Whatever shall I do?" he cries in mock pain. "Ooh, I know, I'll just call up this deity, since he's the same. Maybe I'll get his wife, too!"

Ugh. I'm crawling back into my hole.

Read about Esus if you wanna use Him. He'd appreciate.
  • Current Music
    "Take Another Road", -JB