Pope Cockroach the Green, POEE,
Devotee to St. Gulik, Emperor and Lord Protector of the Lands Between State
Lines, Chairman of the Committee to Move Independence Day back to July 2,
Keeper of Souls stolen by photographs, Chief Librarian of all libraries on
the Moon, Second Assistant to the ResNet Goddess, Fifth Poet of the State of
Chaos, Excommunicator of YOU, De-excommunicator of YOU, Preceptor of the
Emperor's New Clothes Coven, Chief Hunter and Skinner of Fluffy Bunnies,
Lounge Singer at the Hotel Nirvana, Game Warden for the Happy Hunting
Grounds, and National Swashbuckler for the Nation of Djibouti.
Okay. Let's dissect this name, because it makes no sense unless you do.
Pope: Every man, woman, and child on the face of the Earth is a pope. It is the lowest rank in the Discordian Movement.
Cockroach: It fits. Don't ask me why. But I love the name, especially when combined with "the Green". It is a reference to my devotism to St. Gulik
The Green: Just because.
POEE: (pronounced "POEE") is an acronym for The Paratheo-anametamystikhood Of Eris Esoteric. The first part can be taken to mean "equivalent deity, reversity beyond-mystique." We are not really esoteric, it's just that nobody pays much attention to us.
Devotee of St. Gulik: St. Gulik is a roach. He is the messenger of the Goddess, and it is through him that you will hear her voice. Or realize it's time to get an exterminator.
Emperor and Lord Protector of the Lands Between State Lines: Ever walked across state lines? Isn't it amazing how it takes at least 20 ft. to get from one state to another? Yeah, I claimed all that land. Sorry, I was first. The "Emperor and Lord Protector" bit is in homage to the first emperor of the United States, Norton I.
Chairman of the Committee to Move Independence Day back to July 2: Did you know that you're celebrating the wrong Independence Day? The Declaration of Independence was signed (by the majority) on July 2, 1776. Your school teachers lied to you. So did your parents. There are more spots left on the committee, if you wish to join.
Keeper of Souls stolen by photographs: We all know that various superstitious peoples are said to be afraid of souls being stolen by photograph. I'm not totally sure I buy it (I've never seen the evidence), but the storehouse of souls in my basement seems to attest to it pretty well.
Chief Librarian of all libraries on the Moon: It's a very tough job, but someone has to do it. Well, someone will once the moon receives its first book for checkout.
Second Assistant to the ResNet Goddess: "ResNet Goddess" was a title that a former boss gave to herself. Or is that Herself? Anyway, she invariably called on me to do some wacky things while I worked there. She also once told me she loved me. I'm the "second assistant" because she once called me "Second to None". I'm still trying to find "None" and kill him.
Fifth Poet of the State of Chaos: Because chaotically is the only way my poems make sense, and because of the Law of Fives, which states that all things happen in fives, or are divisible by or are multiples of five, or are somehow directly or indirectly related to five. The Rule of Fives is never wrong.
Excommunicator of YOU: I'm a Pope. I can do that. Get out of my sight.
De-excommunicator of YOU: I'm a Pope. I can do that. Get back into my sight.
Preceptor of the Emperor's New Clothes Coven: This coven actually exists. It's made of the finest materials to be imagined. Not only are the members exceptionally beautiful, but only the unpardonably stupid cannot see them.
Chief Hunter and Skinner of Fluffy Bunnies: I have dealt with Fluffy Bunnies for too long to think they're good for anything but eating. Take that as you will.
Lounge Singer at the Hotel Nirvana: The Hotel Nirvana is where all enlightened masters go after death. I got hired to serenade them in their enlightenment. Like any lounge singer, though, I'm the sleeziest person there. But enlightened masters tip well.
Game Warden for the Happy Hunting Grounds: Someone has to enforce the bag limit on buffalo, bunnies, and eagles. The Happy Hunting Grounds won't police themselves!
National Swashbuckler for the Nation of Djibouti: More Djiboutian women have swooned at my wit and charm than you can possibly imagine.