March 10th, 2004


Confessions. . .

I have a confession. Well, more of a statement, for there is no shame in this.

Yeah, I read Maxim magazine. And yes, I firmly state that I read it for the articles.

I submit this month's cover girl as proof.

I mean, honestly, how could anyone find that attractive? She is, simply put, just not hot. Sorry.

Anyway, let it be known that I have passed up some very hot women in Maxim simply because the magazine was unable to produce a cool article, or even a worthless gimick to cause me to purchase it.

As an example of a worthless gimick, once there was a yellow stripe across the corner of the mag's cover, with the words, "And get this yellow stripe absolutely free!" written on it. Yes, I purchased it. There is much to be said for creativity.

Many people seem to change their opinion of me when they learn that I read Maxim. Somehow, that's icky, or perhaps sexist. But I ask them to read a Cosmo sometime and tell me *that* mag isn't creating and reinforcing a stereotype that is anti-feminist. Maxim is Cosmo for guys, but the sexism is less rampant. Okay, so maybe it's just as sexist, but at least it's *honest* about it, and it doesn't change who I am, that's for damn sure.

Plus, it's full of useful (if stupid) information, especially the "How To" section. I learned how to read palms from Maxim (an early issue), and I could even build a sauna if I wanted to. This month taught me how to train a tiger, install an outlet, and make a sock puppet. Is that sexist, or is that cool? There'a an article on the ELF (not the Erisian Liberation Front, unfortunately) and domestic terrorism. There's also one on survival (in case you get lost in such out-of-the-way locations as the woods, the snowy wastes, the ocean, the desert, and New Jersey). My personal favourite are the English to Arabic phrases that would be useful in Iraq:
"Are you alright? You look shocked and Awed."
"Hal anta bekhair? Tabdu a'laik assadma walkhoshoua'."

"Is that a Weapon of Mass Destruction in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
"Hal aslehat addamar ashamel mawjouda fee jaibek, am anka saeed Iroa'yatei fakat?"

"Lovely vest. Is that real dynamite?"
"Ya laha men basa jameela. Hal heya hizam motfajerat hakeekei?"

"Your country has vast oil deposits that could give the United States a strategic advantage ofer the rest of the world for decades? Gee, we had no idea!"
"Lebeladek makhzoon kbeer men aneft yomkenoho an yamnah alwelayat almotaheda afdalya estrateejya a'n saa'er ala'alam? Fee sanawat ala'shr alakheera!

Yeah, I know. Completely useless. But fun.


All I'm sayin', ya know, is that just cuz I'm really about 6 years old and get excited at the prospect of seeing boobies. . . Um, I mean, reading an amusing article. . .Yeah. . . doesn't mean you should form a different opinion of me.

That is all.

See you tomorrow, kids. *laughs*