December 16th, 2005


Sudden question

I use a Magic 8 Ball quite often to make decisions. Sometimes, I even quote it.

If I said I used a Magick 8 Ball, would I be more, or less fluffy? Or would I stay the same?
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    "Livingston's Gone to Texas", -JB
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Sometimes, you realize what's goin' on, and you say, "How the hell did I get here?"

"Take it from me 'cause I found
If you leave it then somebody else is bound
To find that treasure, that moment of pleasure
When yours it could have been

Some people never find it, some only pretend
But me, I just want to live happily ever after
Every now and then
Every now and then"

    -"Happily Ever After, Now and Then", Jimmy Buffett


It's one of those really amusing, really true statements, I think.

Then again, ever since reading what Desdemona said in Where Is Joe Merchant?, it's really described my vision of relationships perfectly. It's a vision I've come to pretty recently, I admit, but that quote spoke rather firmly to me.

I'm now done with Don't Stop the Carnival, and it's scary how much like Norman Paperman I am. I read deeper than the surface, and came up with a man, just like me, whose problems were a perfect reflection of mine. I may not be running a hotel on some backwards island somewhere, but watching the Gull Reef Club fall apart and come back together is like a grotesquely funny parody of my own life recently.

I wrote, somewhere around the middle of the book a small epiphany:

"Like Norman, I worried a hell of a lot until I realized the only person I could let down was myself"

I don't so much expect people to understand me. But I have an interesting exercise coming up shortly, a poll about reflection and perception. I want to see how your eyes reflect me. It's a crusade I've been on before, and one I continue to wage. I want to know how the world (or at least a friend or two) sees me, because I find such things interesting.

The poll, though may be in two parts. Please bear with me. I'm still working out the particulars.

Until then, I'm planning to read West With the Night over lunch.

I am, currently, enjoying certain struggles. Some things are worth fighting for, and fading away into the past simply isn't for me. There are treasures that I've found in this life, real ones that are more valuable than pearls, dabloons, and diamonds as big as the Ritz. And I know when they're slipping away.

Damn if I'll let it happen quietly. There are so many short stories and long laughs left to be had, you know.

I intend to laugh my way through it all.

"Car-nee-val is very sweet
Don't stop the car-nee-val!"