March 16th, 2005
|06:00 pm - I know some of you are/have been Clergy. . .|
Got home, and remembered I wanted to ask a question:
For those who feel they're pre-disposed to clergy**, what should I be looking for to tell me I am?
I've got the idea that I should be looking for a calling. . . a vocation if you will. Can anyone describe that? Or point me to a good book that does? (And no, I'm definitely not opposed to reading books about Christian "vocations".)
Because damnit, I'm confused. It's official. And it bothers me that I can't figure it out.
** - note: I don't mean necessarily ordained clergy: self-styled clergy works just fine for me. I've been trying for over 7 months to figure this thing out.
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: "Last Mango in Paris", -JB
It's a difficult feeling to describe. It's something you know you have to do, even if it's not necessarily something you want to do.
Seems to me that you already fill a somewhat clerical role with your grove and the various things you do in ADF. What made you want to do those? What makes you, or made you, want to keep doing it?
You're right, in that any Senior Druid is going to preform a very clergy-like role, but I'm not at all sure that what I'm doing is clergy. Then again, that's another thing I'm trying to figure out.
As for why I want to run a Grove (and lead rites in particular), though, I'd say that I actually kind of like it, it's fun, and I'm very happy when I'm leading a rite. There's something about getting up there and doing the rite that really gets to me. It's an indescribable sort of thing. The word I've always used to describe it, but that falls short when I use it, is that I feel "full". Full of what, I'm not totally sure. But definitely "full".
And it's that feeling of fullness that keeps me doing it, really. I could do without the paralyzing stagefright beforehand.
There's also the fact that no one else is dumb enough to do it, and in the end, I'm pretty darn good at it. But I imagine that I'd still want to do it even if others were willing.
That feeling there... that's the stuff. When you feel like that, you know you're on the right road.
Becoming an ADF priest, it seems, would only be external recognition of the inner reality.
As the bish was fond of saying, "If you're not a priest before your process down the aisle, you're not going to be one after."
"If you're not a priest before your process down the aisle, you're not going to be one after."
That's a good point. Through this entry and conversation with shizukagozen
, I think I've gotten a lot figured out. :)