March 31st, 2005
|01:19 pm - From a comment left on jenarael's journal . . .|
I do my best to avoid joking about Christianity, a religion I left a long time ago. It wasn't really like leaving. . . more like a prolonged breakup in which we're still friends, yet unsure how to act around one another. It's kind of uneasy. You know, we still see each other from time to time, I still remember the prayers (kinda like dancing to "our song") and have a lot of respect for Christianity's god (sorta like one has a respect for an ex-girlfriend's cool dad), but it's just mostly awkward.
I don't have a desire to go back, but I don't have a desire to burn the bridges, either. The awkwardness is strangely usual and normal to me. It doesn't bother me, really, it just makes me wonder what might have been.
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: "The Wind Cries Mary", -JB
That's a very good analogy. It's an interesting thing, what might have been. I mean, just the other day my CSE professor got me wondering who the hell I would be if I were Jewish or Baptist the other day, and I couldn't even begin to imagine myself as anything other than flat-out heathen. Paganism, beyond a faith, is a way of life, and it becomes a defining characteristic in our perspectives, our actions, or reactions, and our thought processes. As much as we have in common, you have to admit that Christians and Pagans THINK differently; there are entirely different patterns scrawled into our brains. When we look at each other fleetingly, we see sigils that don't make sense.
It's crazy, really, trying to remember me before I was pagan. I was nebulous, I guess. Through paganism I found drive and determination, and a fierce desire to change myself for the better; my "pagan" traits are the ones that keep me happy, or if I am unhappy, that force me to take action towards right. Most pagans, as you know, DO have morals and ethics, and these shape our personalities, too. To not have them would make us utterly different. I mean, even my speech patterns would be different! I would not have many of the same hobbies, most likely, because I would not see the glamour or power in them the same way, and my sets of friends and social circles would be utterly different as well. I would spend my spare time differently, read different literature, react differently to crises and pleasant surprises alike.... crazy, like I said. Anna the Presbyterian. As if!
As far as my relations to the Christian god, I think it's the same way; only we were not that close to begin with because I cheated on him with nature. Ehe, I don't think I ever fully understood that paradigm because it flat-out didn't make sense.
Time to uit rambling, though. DINNER!
You're very right. We'd be very different people. And I can't imagine myself as Chrisitan, either. Though I have been one on occasion in the past, when I was feeling like a bit of fun :)