When I joined ADF four years ago, I began searching for my Patrons. Patron number one was easy to find: Eris seduced me with a smile and a kiss.
Patron number two was much harder to locate, though. I knew he was there from the very beginning, but I didn't know who he was.
Every so often, a glimpse of this god would play across my imagination. Often, his visage was dark, as if he stood in shadow or my vision was blurred.
I studied intently to learn who this might be, working through numerous possibilities.
First, I sought a relationship with Odin, but not only did this bring a total lack of response, I also quickly realized that Odin was not a god for me.
Next, I had a short conversation with Thor, and again I found that relationship to be tepid at best.
For a time following this, I moved onto a rather fruitful relationship with the Dagdha. I worked very closely with the Good God for a few months, but eventually found that this deity was simply not right; even though he fit some needs very well, there were other needs he could not fulfill. We amicably decided to part ways.
Finally, I realized that I needed to follow my heart and open to the cultural Gods who called out to me for so long: the continental Celtic deities. Here, I began to work with Cernunnos.
I purchased a necklace of him in the famous cauldron pose, arms orans and legs bent. I wore this for a while, but found that while a spark existed, it was not the bright light of Patronage.
And so I removed the necklace. I few weeks later, Esus found me, stepping out of the shadows to call me home.
And at home I now am.