I've been asked to do a speaking engagement at Columbus College of Art and Desgin, dealing particularly with Paganism and with ADF. That gives me about 3 days to put together a full presentation on Neo-Paganism.
Anyway, that engagement is for Thursday in Crane Hall at CCAD. At 7 PM.
"Oh, crap!" I think. "That's the same time as the Grove liturgy meeting!"
So I sit around on this for a while, trying to figure out what to do. Do I move the liturgy meeting up one day? Oh, damn, there's another email that makes that impossible, one from singingwren that indicates that PSA has a presentation to do on Wednesday, and I did say I'd do that.
Oh, and let's not forget that I'm re-writing part of Sunday's Beltaine rite, getting ready to perform the Jimmy Buffett rite at Desert Magic, as well as presenting an elaborate thing on Chaos Magic.
And somewhere in all that, I'd really, really like to spend a bit of time with my girlfriend. You know, just a little?
Finally, I took stock of myself. I decided that what I want the Grove to have is not a Senior Druid who has to do everything. This isn't a selfish desire, really. Instead, it's a realization that what I do in the Grove does not have to be "be everywhere at once," but more "be there as often as possible, and be a good public face to the Grove."
I'm not the leader of the Grove, not really. What I settled on is that I'm really just a member who does a lot of the work. That's what the officers in this Grove are. Heck, our election process last year was incredibly informal . . . We didn't even just rubberstamp them. We just turned the checkbook over.
And this is what I wanted all along.
I don't hold this Grove together by presence or charisma or force of arms. No, the Grove holds itself together because we're dedicated to one another, and to our own vision of what we're doing. That's a beautiful thing. We show up. We attend. If we're feeling crappy, tired, or rushed, we still make time for it. It's a beautiful thing.
As much as I try to be there for my Grove, I'll never make it to everything. One day I'll come down with some modified genetic version of an Asian bird flu from picking up a hanky some Al-Quada officer dropped at my table and I won't get to a ritual. It'll be some last minute thing and I'll have to succumb. What makes this okay is that I know that my Grove has some of the most reliable people in ADF in it.
It's good to have dependable people who can fill in for me. It shows that I'm getting the Grove to a place that they don't need me, which is my ultimate goal. I have this thing about wanting to be obsolete. I did this when I worked tech support: I'd try to educate the customer and show them exactly how to fix their own machine. I don't want people to necessarily depend on me. That's not an ideal relationship at all.
So to know that romandruid and tanrinia can step in and take care of something like a liturgy meeting means a lot to me. Heck, watching mistw02 plan out her own ritual was great. I love enthusiasm and a willingness to work.
It's allowed me to take the time to go do that part of my job which is "face to the masses", to show what the Grove is about (and in this case, also Neo-Paganism in general), and to get more people to our Beltaine rite.
Thanks, guys. You mean a lot to me. Here's "the member who does a lot of stuff" (and accidental Senior Druid) signing off.