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September 19th, 2005


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01:49 pm - Sours to Flowers
"I find support in the sky and the earth; I find support in expiation and inspiration; I find support in day and night; I find support in food and drink; in the holy power; in the lordly power; in these worlds I find support."
      -Rg Veda

It's interesting, today, how I look out on things. It's a generally happy day, really. We're shockingly light on customers (though there's no shortage of work, for sure), the students are back, and I've gotten to see some people for the first time in a while.

But the escapist in me isn't letting go today. Maybe it's the overcast sky or the fact that I know the Autumn Quarter rush is just now hitting stride. . . but there's a lot I need to get away from.

The past few weeks have shown strange and slightly surprising introspection. In some cases, I wasn't aware of how deep I might actually be. In fact, I thought that the depth of me was pretty similar to the Grow Cube that fred_smith introduced me to today.

I spent the weekend avoiding (for the most part, successfully) the birthday wishes of most people. I don't care for a celebration of myself, never really have, and after last year's attempt at a birthday party fell through horridly (though for everyone's benefit, it seems), I've learned that birthdays are not to be celebrated. So, after receiving birthday wishes from a total of five people (four of them family who can't really be faulted for it), I consider this birthday a complete success. I've grown older, but not so much up. And no one cared.

Hehe. Just the thought that no one cared makes me remarkably happy, actually.

In these worlds, I find support

*snickers*

This was, officially, a good LJ entry!

[Oh, but I was going to mention that this overcast and cool day I've seen no fewer than five crickets. This is significant, but only to me and one other person, but it's significant enough to mention.]
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: "A Pirate Looks at Forty", -JB

(44 comments Leave a comment)

Comments:


(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:September 19th, 2005 06:15 pm (UTC)
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I'm not missing any. Nor do I think the other person who finds this significant is missing any. But I could be mistaken.
[User Picture]
From:unnamed525
Date:September 19th, 2005 06:12 pm (UTC)
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Can I talk you into copying an article for personal perusal (if that's legal) from the OSU Book Depository?
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:September 19th, 2005 06:14 pm (UTC)
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Sure. Get me the info.
From:perlgirlju
Date:September 19th, 2005 06:14 pm (UTC)
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I hope you noticed that I did not say anything remotely birthday related all weekend. I was going to slip you a little something, but as I related to you last night over IM, there were technical difficulties.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:September 19th, 2005 06:16 pm (UTC)
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I did notice. Of course, you caught on last year. Or was it the year before?

Either way, you caught on quickly.
[User Picture]
From:creature_tamer
Date:September 19th, 2005 06:29 pm (UTC)
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Well, I'm not going to pretend to understand your reasoning here (and I have read your article regarding your dislike for "milestone" events in general). And heck, I've been fretting about my own age far more lately than is probably healthy (I still don't want to admit that I'm now closer to thirty than twenty).

If you're saying you don't want a card or anything, I'm certainly prepared to respect your wishes. But in the words of Doctor McCoy.. "What's so damn troubling about not having died yet?"

[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:September 19th, 2005 06:46 pm (UTC)
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I just read a very nice card that I got over the weekend, and it made me remarkably depressed, just after I wrote this entry. Had I gotten this card any other weekend, I'd have loved it, but because it was a "birthday card", it feels like less in my mind. I've put away all other cards to be read later. Maybe when I have my next birthday party when I turn 100, which is the current plan.

I dunno what it is about such celebrations, but I think they just don't mean anything to me.

I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I dislike forcing people to pay attention to me because of the date or the phase of the moon or the time of year. It suddenly seems awkward and contrived. I have this strange feeling that those who really do care don't need to bother with birthdays, which are designed for people who can't bother with you 364 other days of the year.

It's part of why I have a really hard time getting presents or sending cards for people around major holidays, and generally can only manage it when it's either totally unexpected or done in a real spot of fun. Even the people I really, truly care for, I simply cannot bring myself to shop for a major occasion, but instead get really thoughtful things for times that totally lack occasion (though sometimes I try to pretend it's connected to something to reduce an awkwardness factor: not everyone can take a gift or card out of the blue).
(no subject) - (Anonymous) - Expand
From:bloodlikerain
Date:September 19th, 2005 06:58 pm (UTC)
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mwhahaha, I have birthday wishes .....of a sort.....coming yourway soonish.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:September 19th, 2005 09:59 pm (UTC)
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Okay.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:September 19th, 2005 07:06 pm (UTC)

Re: the Grow Cube thing

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I have maxed it out. I shamefully admit to spending about three hours on the damn thing. There's also, on the left sidebar, an RPG and something that's (I think) called "version 3" or something similar, which is also strange.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:September 19th, 2005 09:59 pm (UTC)
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Nothing from Wonderland is verbotten.
(Deleted comment)
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:September 19th, 2005 09:59 pm (UTC)

Re: I'm not entirely certain what I'm doing here, but it was fun.

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Well, I carefully avoided my friends page, I admit, until I'd written this essay. Some people on it do remarkably strange things on birthdays.

But I honestly would just ignore any birthday wish I see. The internet is convenient like that: you can ignore stuff and not seem overly rude.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:hekatatia
Date:September 19th, 2005 10:16 pm (UTC)
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In that case, ignore the card. Assuming it gets there -- if it hasn't already. Just chuck it right out, if need be.

[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:September 20th, 2005 12:58 pm (UTC)
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I received it last night. I won't be chucking it, though, as I'm not chucking any of the cards. They all deserve to be read.

Besides, I can't help but feel that there's something special about that card. . . Maybe it was the address on the back, or the monsterous amount of postage affixed. Dunno, but I like it without having opened it.

I've placed it aside to be the first one to read, when I get to reading them.
[User Picture]
From:deedeehopskotch
Date:September 20th, 2005 12:41 am (UTC)
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happy unbirthday! those are more important; there are more of them.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:September 20th, 2005 12:56 pm (UTC)
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Thank you. I agree.
From:healing_coyote
Date:September 20th, 2005 02:44 am (UTC)
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that cube blows my mind...:)

miss ya!
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:September 20th, 2005 12:55 pm (UTC)
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Miss you too. Always do.
From:piercedmaiko
Date:September 20th, 2005 06:00 am (UTC)
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You are so bitchy. My presents should have already come long before your birthday and if you fail to appreciate them for any reason I will spank you, I mean while else would I have had all that sex with you if I Did not want to give you presents you did not want!:p

If I were you I would get off my butt and call your mother and thank her for bringing you into this world, after all birthdays should be for the mothers and not the children. ;p

P.S. if this comment is all fucked it is because I am on a Japanese keyboard and they suck.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:September 20th, 2005 12:59 pm (UTC)
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I know I'm bitchy :)

How could I fail to appreciate Bruce and Deadites?

And I did call my mother :) She did all the work. I just cried and complained!
[User Picture]
From:wishesofastar
Date:September 20th, 2005 06:40 pm (UTC)
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Oh, hey, by the way, happy birthday! ;)

So, in truth, if your birthday means so little to you, why did you write a long-ass LJ entry about it? Why not just let it continue to go unremarked?
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:September 20th, 2005 06:46 pm (UTC)
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Because it made me quite happy that I'd avoided it.

Though it appears, now, that I've failed.

*shrugs*

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