September 19th, 2005
|01:49 pm - Sours to Flowers|
"I find support in the sky and the earth; I find support in expiation and inspiration; I find support in day and night; I find support in food and drink; in the holy power; in the lordly power; in these worlds I find support."
It's interesting, today, how I look out on things. It's a generally happy day, really. We're shockingly light on customers (though there's no shortage of work, for sure), the students are back, and I've gotten to see some people for the first time in a while.
But the escapist in me isn't letting go today. Maybe it's the overcast sky or the fact that I know the Autumn Quarter rush is just now hitting stride. . . but there's a lot I need to get away from.
The past few weeks have shown strange and slightly surprising introspection. In some cases, I wasn't aware of how deep I might actually be. In fact, I thought that the depth of me was pretty similar to the Grow Cube that fred_smith introduced me to today.
I spent the weekend avoiding (for the most part, successfully) the birthday wishes of most people. I don't care for a celebration of myself, never really have, and after last year's attempt at a birthday party fell through horridly (though for everyone's benefit, it seems), I've learned that birthdays are not to be celebrated. So, after receiving birthday wishes from a total of five people (four of them family who can't really be faulted for it), I consider this birthday a complete success. I've grown older, but not so much up. And no one cared.
Hehe. Just the thought that no one cared makes me remarkably happy, actually.
In these worlds, I find support
This was, officially, a good LJ entry!
[Oh, but I was going to mention that this overcast and cool day I've seen no fewer than five crickets. This is significant, but only to me and one other person, but it's significant enough to mention.]
Current Mood: amused
Current Music: "A Pirate Looks at Forty", -JB
You know, I kind of understand what you are saying, but it also sounds unusually jaded. It reminds me a lot of when we talked about flattery and you said that flattery was ultimately an insult because it implies that the person is NOT beautiful or attractive when they are not wearing/doing whatever flatters them.
Similarly, I think you are being jaded about birthdays. Yes, recognizing birthdays is somewhat of a social expectation, but why does that automatically mean that people don't appreciate you the rest of the year? Just because people do something that is expected of them does not mean that any other intentions they have are somehow nullified. If that's true, do you think Valentine's Day is a fraud because it shows that people don't really love each other the rest of the year? I'm not a big fan of the day, and I agree that people should be romantic spontaneously all throughout the year. But if people take extra heed to be romantic, and are more symbolic with their affections than normal, I do not think this is "empty" behaviour because they are simply "obeying" the date. They are honouring that date with each other. In the case of Valentine's Day, that's somewhat ironic (goofy!), but with birthdays it does make sense. Why should we not honour the days upon which the people that we love were born?
If you're assigning blame to behaving a certain way just because of the "date," why celebrate any set holidays at all? Why acknowledge Independence Day? Why acknowledge our pagan holidays if behaving according the cycle of the year is foolish and shallow-minded? No, birthdays are good things to observe, if not party on. They mark a turning point along YOUR circle of reality, your personal Wheel of Life. Your world began in the middle of September, and in the middle of September you find yourself looking at a reality that is once again beginning anew, even as it already began years ago. There's something unique about that. There's something to be said for seeing each September 17 through eyes that on this same date years before saw an entirely different world. It's a way of tracking progress. It's a good time for introspection on your behalf, but even more importantly, it's an appropriate time for others to reflect on what you have meant to them. It's appropriate for them to give you cards and gifts of appreciation particularly on this date because it marks the beginning of an adventure, and adventures are always to be celebrated. It doesn't mean there can't be other adventures, or that there haven't been plenty of others in the past.
I guess I just don't understand why you seem to think that in order for a thing to be sincere it must be spontaneous. I can see where in most cases that would be true, but I don't think the inverse is therefore true. Just because someone gives you a gift on Christmas should not make that gift mean less to you -- it's unfair. You have no idea when that gift was ACTUALLY acquired for you, nor how much time and thought was devoted beforehand to choosing it for you. Same goes for the words on cards. Birthday cards should be written in advance from the heart. If someone expresses a kind sentiment in a card, or even a mean sentiment, that doesn't mean it's any less significant because it appears on your birthday card. Birthday cards tend to be extra sentimental because they are reflecting back on another year of friendship to the recipient, and therefore it is appropriate to use the date as a mile-stone and recall some of the wonderful things the recipient has done or been until then.
I think it is bitterly cynical to think that it is simply people groping for flattering words because they need to write "something nice" to you on your birthday. But if you DO get birthday cards full of bull-shit from people who are not nice and sincere with you the rest of the year, maybe you should consider just how much you value these peoples' opinions and how much weight you will let them carry. Don't let them outweigh those who are true. I know, it's nicer when people are spontaneously sweet all the time, but maybe you should think about this harder before you go and pass off judgments.
re: flattery: that realization was an amusing one, actually. It has nothing to do with being jaded, really, but more with the fact that it involves conditions: "You're beautiful in that dress!" or "My, that hairdo really becomes you!" or even "Your eyes are beautiful when you smile!" Nothing is intended by it, but that's what makes it funny.
Valentine's Day, to me, is a good time of the year to get cheap jewlery. Let me tell you: you can get some excellent deals on them. Flowers, on the other hand, you cannot get good deals on. I never, ever buy flowers on Valentine's Day, and I'm clear about that to everyone. And so, if I ever were to purchase them then, they would be special, because they'd be out of the ordinary for me.
I haven't read your card yet. It's still in my bag, awaiting to join the others.
|Date:||September 20th, 2005 05:16 pm (UTC)|| |
Don't worry about actually reading it -- I did think for a while about what to say inside it, but, it is indeed a birthday card and will probably stay relevant to you for some time to come. (Unless you go and be a big jerk-store or something and make me mad. ;P) I try to be fairly nice to you the entire year and not just your birthday, so whatever I wrote is probably redundant anyway.
I just think your attitude about this is oppressively negative. I know you have your stances on things, and I know you are a stubborn male, but you are being somewhat rude here. Fortunately you are not a confrontational humanist by nature -- that would have been tiring. :P