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October 19th, 2005


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03:34 pm - My Gods, My Grove, and My Girl
My Gods, My Grove, and My Girl

Yeah, that's the order.

I place my relationship with the Kindred first in my life. Well, that's the intent anyway. It is and always has been the most important thing to me. I haven't really understood how to develop that relationship well for my entire life, but as I've figured it out and found patterns that work, I've gotten a lot better at it.

This, of course, led to the perception that I was placing more emphasis on it. . . I really wasn't, but as I became better at it and more sure of myself, it began to show a bit more in my personality. I draw incredible strength and peace from my faith. Really, if I could have nothing else in this world, I would merely ask for the chance to show my devotion, and I could be happy, full, complete.

My Grove, of course, comes next. Now, by "my Grove," I technically mean "ADF". You see, my involvement on ADF is primarily through my Grove (which is why I am constantly astounded at the implication that I'm important on the organizational level within ADF). I have, however, never really considered myself cut out for organizational leadership. . . I very much prefer working on the local level. "ADF" and "the Grove" are, to me, synonymous. Always have been.

But my Grove is something that I've worked hard with, and I've put a lot into it. If there's any sort of calling (and I believe that there is), it's to work on this level. Crazy as it may sound, I'm meant to do this stuff. I know that now.

And honestly, those two things are more than enough in my life. As I've thought about dating again, wondered if I'm ready, thought about whether I could handle it, I realize that with those two things, my life is already complete. Everything else is, well, just icing on the cake.

But some of you know how much I love licking icing off things. . . By which, of course, I mean that icing is my favourite part of the cake.

My girl, I'm afraid, is always going to come third. This does not at all mean that the girl is unimportant, or that I necessarily will not occasionally place her above the other two things, but in general, this is where she falls, push coming to shove. My time with her will be limited by these other two things. But then, I don't consider it "limiting", really. I don't have that conception.

The way I look at it, and have always looked at it, is that I will do my best for the girl, but I will schedule my time with her around the Grove. I will do my best for the Grove, but I will schedule my time with them around the Kindred.

Why am I writing this? Because anyone who is interested in me needs to know this. Anyone who wants a relationship will need to know. Tina felt that it had snuck up on her, or that I was dishonest about it. And that shouldn't happen again.
Current Mood: goodgood
Current Music: "Twelve Volt Man", -JB

(33 comments Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:unnamed525
Date:October 19th, 2005 07:38 pm (UTC)
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Calling them "Kindred" brings all sorts of correspondences to my mind.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:October 19th, 2005 07:39 pm (UTC)
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I've gotten over those correspondances. :)
[User Picture]
From:duriyah
Date:October 19th, 2005 07:56 pm (UTC)
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I'd say that's fair, as long as you are up front about it. A difficult think in relationships is finding someone whose priorities either mesh with or work around your own. Good for you for figuring out your priorities.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:October 19th, 2005 08:07 pm (UTC)
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Wasn't easy. Sounds kinda assholish, really.
[User Picture]
From:hearthstone
Date:October 19th, 2005 07:57 pm (UTC)
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And that's why life is so much easier when your partner shares your faith--means they also share your priorities. :)
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:October 19th, 2005 08:07 pm (UTC)
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*nods*
[User Picture]
From:khep
Date:October 19th, 2005 08:02 pm (UTC)
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It seems like it would be beneficial then, to find a woman who would hold you in third place. How do you feel about being third place to your new partner?

I have another question- say a condom breaks and she becomes pregnant with your kid. Does said kid become number four, or scooch his/her mother over from number three, or would he/she be number one (as the saying goes)?
... and if the kid could be made number one, would that make you and your partner (to each other) number four?

Yay for musical chairs!
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:October 19th, 2005 08:06 pm (UTC)
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*shrugs* Doesn't bother me in this instance.

As for breaking condoms, I'll burn that bridge when I come to it.
From:ex_acousticd43
Date:October 19th, 2005 08:06 pm (UTC)
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Nothing wrong with that.
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:October 21st, 2005 05:58 pm (UTC)

Re: A hint at where that perception comes from

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Are you suggesting that because you find a link to something on my website before you come to a link about Isaac that people might think I do something useful in ADF?
(Deleted comment)
[User Picture]
From:qorinda
Date:October 19th, 2005 09:28 pm (UTC)
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Good realizations. In fact, I could probably say the same.

My relationship with the Kindreds comes first in all of my life. In fact, it defines the rest of my life, and will continue to do so, regardless of my involvement in any given organization.

The work I do with my grove and ADF does tend to come second, although in importance, I think it is on a par with my primary relationship. By way of where I spend my time, ADF/grove definitely comes before relationship - mainly because there are deadlines I must meet.

And this is all new for me. It hasn't always been this way. I used to put romantic relationship first, and then I put it on a par with my spirituality. And then it evolved into my spirituality (my relationship with the Kindreds) determining the best partnership(s) for me.

Where I am at these days feels right, and balanced, and good to me.
[User Picture]
From:smithing_chick
Date:October 20th, 2005 12:18 am (UTC)
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Makes sense. In fact, I'm of a similar mind myself, only my number one priority is my art. Interestingly, the further I go with it, the more my spirituality connects to it.

Any guy who wants to be with me will have to be willing to put up with me spending long, long hours holed up in my studio playing with metal. I have a feeling that it's going to work out that most guys will be drawn to that part of me & then discover that they don't really want to put up with it. Kinda like my old roommate, who used to tell me how attracted he was to artists but was completely incapable of sharing a house with one.
From:healing_coyote
Date:October 20th, 2005 03:57 am (UTC)
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yay, I agree completely! it's a mature thing to write about it, and to actually figure it all out.

too bad we pagans (and ADFers) are such a limited few--there goes dating options!
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:October 20th, 2005 04:02 am (UTC)
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I'm not sure it would be possible for me to complain about you being among my dating options.

*winks*
[User Picture]
From:whitmanschild
Date:October 21st, 2005 01:04 am (UTC)
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Sorry to intrude, Michael, but would you mind if I added you? We knew each other once, long ago in a faraway land. (Well, Kentucky is faraway for me these days...) Yours is the face of the man that would have grown from the boy I knew, and a quick look through a few of these entries leaves no doubts for me. This is Ches, by the way.
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:October 21st, 2005 01:45 am (UTC)
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*nods*

Ay-yup, that would be me, I don't mind at all. I'll add you back. . . Probably tomorrow morning. I'm often slow on response :)

But I had found you, just hadn't decided yet if I should add at random. Some days, LJ makes you wonder what is polite to do, and what is not.

*grins*

Is my writing really so obvious?

Heh. I imagine it would be. Probably more in content than in style.

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