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Just when you start to see light, the wall of the hole you're in collapses - Chronarchy — LiveJournal

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November 1st, 2005


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05:02 am - Just when you start to see light, the wall of the hole you're in collapses
T: In the years we dated, you destroyed any sort of self-worth that I had.

M: How?

T: Just know that you did.

Yes, the time-stamp is right. It's just after five AM, and I'm in my office.

Sleep, well. . . It wasn't much of an option.

I'm headed back toward home around 6AM to vote. Then coming straight back here. Maybe, just maybe I'll stop and get some breakfast on the way.

Edit: Yeah. No voting today. Apparently, the concept of "First Tuesday in November" is null and void if the "first Tues." is the first of November, too. Two firsts don't make a voting day.

Personally, I think it's a Communist plot.

Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: "Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes", -JB

(78 comments Leave a comment)

Comments:


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From:ceolnamara
Date:November 1st, 2005 10:32 am (UTC)
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Want to go out to breakfast? I get off at 6. If you can put up with me being a zombie, I'm there.
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 10:33 am (UTC)
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Nah. Not looking for much actual physical company today. Besides, time is of the essence for me today.
From:ex_acousticd43
Date:November 1st, 2005 11:12 am (UTC)
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I know exactly how you feel. And it's not so good. I wish I could offer some words of encouragement, I hope you'll settle for a virtual hug?
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 11:14 am (UTC)
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No worries. I'm doin' alright. Plenty to keep me busy here.

Now, off to vote :)
From:mistw02
Date:November 1st, 2005 12:27 pm (UTC)
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WOMEN...
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 12:34 pm (UTC)
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*laughs* They gotta be good for something. Might as well be kickin' me in the teeth, ya know?
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From:deedeehopskotch
Date:November 1st, 2005 01:06 pm (UTC)
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damn... you're right, it hasn't gotten completely better for you, yet. (it's my turn to console you). i don't understand how that is so. whenever i saw you with her, you treated her remarkably well.
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 01:16 pm (UTC)
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Well, you know what they say about perception and reality.

Actually, I'm not sure anyone says anything useful about perception and realtiy.

But nah, her reality was not the same as my perception, either.

Nothing to be done about it now, I think.

Thanks :)
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From:duriyah
Date:November 1st, 2005 01:23 pm (UTC)
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Fuck, I’m not sure what to say. Unless you were a completely different person in private than around me, that statement seems to me to be undeserved. You have always seemed respectful and courteous to me. You always seemed to put her on a pedestal, too. All I can say I guess is that you never know what is going inside another person’s head. I hope you both find healing. I wish this wasn’t so hard for you. *hug*
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 01:30 pm (UTC)
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Eh, no worries. No need to say anything. I toyed with leaving the comments turned off, so people wouldn't *have* to say anything, but I figured that'd show more hurt than actually exists at this point.
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 02:20 pm (UTC)
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Oh, I know. I'm not actually worried about it. I'm still unsure why it woke me up this morning.

Then again, I wouldn't be human if it didn't affect me in some way.

I'm totally into *anything* involving blueberries.
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From:unnamed525
Date:November 1st, 2005 02:10 pm (UTC)
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It's not a Communist plot ... it's a terr'ist plot.
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 02:20 pm (UTC)
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*grins* Trying to avoid the FBI putting your name and those "terr'ists" together?

Ha. Probably a good idea.
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 02:41 pm (UTC)
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*snickers*

Yes, I suppose I do know what to do when [a situation that is best solved by eating blueberry pancakes].
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From:singingwren
Date:November 1st, 2005 02:48 pm (UTC)
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You should have come over to my place and slept here. It's WAY better than some office. 5am... seriously. That is not healthy.

On the other hand, getting up really early is sometimes awesome because it can yield an uberproductive day, which will hopefully help get your feet back under you with all the stuff you have to do. Just remember, PSA presentation is last priority -- we don't need hand-outs or any of that shit, just you to talk to us some and tell us some neat stuff. So don't focus on that.

Man, that hurts.

If you haven't already, I suggest you join into a rousing edition of "How Am I Doin'?"
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 03:00 pm (UTC)
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Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. Dierks Bently has been playing a bit today in my office.

"How am I Doin'" and "Lotta Leavin' Left to Do" are high on the play list.

As is some Kenny Chesney. . . "Anything but Mine" And you probably know why that one is.
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From:whitmanschild
Date:November 1st, 2005 02:56 pm (UTC)
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Oww... Was that square in the balls, or was she just trying to be funny? Damn, I REALLY hope you day improves from there, and not just in terms of sufferage-glee. Jeez...
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 03:00 pm (UTC)
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Square. It'd have been dead center of the strike box in baseball.

The day started improving on waking up.
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From:gypsydove
Date:November 1st, 2005 02:58 pm (UTC)
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hugs...don't know what you need...if anything...so all I can offer you is huggles..

and warm fuzzies....
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 03:01 pm (UTC)
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Thanks. I'm doing well so far. :)
From:bloodlikerain
Date:November 1st, 2005 03:45 pm (UTC)

hrmmm

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It's my firm belief that no one knows what a relationship is from the outside, so I'm making no judgement calls here.

When me and eric first broke up I would get up super early sometimes to get out of the house, I couldn't go into work early so I would just drive around for hours, listening to music.

So. it's hard to get out of a long term relationship with a completley unscathed heart. if you ever need a ear, a back rub, a couch to crash on, a beer, or thrown in the olentangy just to get away, i'm here for you.
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 03:53 pm (UTC)

Re: hrmmm

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Thanks, but I'm not actaully worried about things, honestly.

Just making sure that my initial impulse this morning of calling off my presentation doesn't occur. It seemed like a good thought before the sun came up, and then it felt like I was being an ass. I'm not feeling the effect of last night right now, but I will be tired tonight, so please be kind :)
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From:edelweiss68
Date:November 1st, 2005 03:48 pm (UTC)
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"Waitress, I need two more boat drinks...

...and some blueberry pancakes..."

You're stronger than most people I know, babe. *hugs*
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 03:54 pm (UTC)
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Not really. I can simply operate without certain information.

Today, I'm mostly operating without the idea that this is going to be a problem.
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From:valkyrvolva
Date:November 1st, 2005 06:11 pm (UTC)
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That's the worst alarm-clock ever.
You should get one that plays a different tune; y'know, something you can sing along with.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


I was all ready to vote today and feel like a good 'mer'can, and my patriotic intentions got me nothing but late for work.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

on more important matters....Trillium, was the weekend of April 22 what you wanted to hear or am I going to have to drive to Ohio and hog-tie you?

And how do you feel about discussing the spiritual aspects of dance, oh great person who helped to found the Dance Guild?
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 06:19 pm (UTC)
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You're right, I should. Something more melodic.

As for Trillium: I'll be there. With a funny parrot hat and some tiki gods.

About dance? Well, amusingly, spiritual dance isn't my thing so much. I'm much better at looking like an idiot and not caring about form or function, and generally simply consider it good exercise. I just helped do the legwork for getting the thing formed because shizukagozen and I saw the need and desire for one. :) I was kinda hoping that actual dancers would then do the appropriate legwork to make it a good Guild. So far as I can really tell, though, the amazing interest we started with. . . has grown smaller. Esp. with the Guild chief in Japan and without much internet connectivity.

However, sounds like shizukagozen has been thinking hard about a study program. There might be something Guild-related that can be done, for sure.
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From:caitriona
Date:November 1st, 2005 06:36 pm (UTC)
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I've only recently started reading your journal, so I haven't a clue what the backstory is here....but ouch. Here's to hoping for a better day!
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From:chronarchy
Date:November 1st, 2005 06:49 pm (UTC)
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Yes, I was looking over your userinfo this morning and was planning to add you at some point, then my computer crashed. Since everything is open to the public on this journal, I'm never very quick about adding people back, because they don't miss anything.

Like now. . . I'll be adding you when I get a free sec to get back to the page :) Sometime this week, I'm sure.

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