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Ár nDraíocht Féin
Three Cranes
Chaos Matrix

November 15th, 2005

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08:50 am - A clear will and a strong sense of clarity go hand in hand.
It's been crazy here, and will be more crazy before the end of the day, so here's a pre-work update of a few things I've been thinking about over the past week or so that (unfortunately) may be the only update that gets done today:


Why is it sometimes so damn hard to say, "I'm sorry, but this just isn't working out"?

Is it because you want it to work out? Is it because you feel obligation? Is it because you are looking too hard for reasons that it should?

I don't know. Sometimes, though, the honest thing is the hardest thing.

Even when it's so obviously easy.


I've realized that my clarity isn't what it could be. I need to find ways to be more certain of my intent and of how well that intent is conveyed.

I cannot and should not be insecure with what I want.


Clarity seems to be a major issue. I'm feeling completely unclear on so many fronts and in so many ways.

Am I clear about what I want? Or perhaps more correctly, am I clear about what I don't?

Maybe I just need everyone to realize that sometimes I don't know what I want, and that's okay.

But the most important thing I want to be clear about?

Just because I don't know what I want, I'm not necessarily looking to find out what it is. I can't be told what I do want, or what I need. Others' conceptions of my desires, or their will for my desires, is not going to make mine match.

Nothing is created when their will attempts to shape mine except a deeper rift between their desire and my will.

Is that clear?


Finally, Infinity has joined the ranks of the hunters, catching her first mouse last night. I managed to get it away from her, but it died as I watched. I'm proud of my girl. Very, very proud. (For those wondering, yes, she's an indoor cat, and the mouse was caught indoors. I'm not quite irresponsible enough to let my cats outside.)

And thank you all for the addresses. Now to figure up how much I need to set aside just for postage. . .
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: "Volcano:, -JB

(35 comments Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:November 15th, 2005 05:35 pm (UTC)
Wow, those would be sweet to see (although I don't know what a tayu us.
Do you like elegant gothic lolita stuff, out of curiousity? :)
Date:November 15th, 2005 05:45 pm (UTC)
Tayu are better than (and more rare) than geisha. Of course I am biased. :)

EGL? Yes, I do not do the more doll like things because I am older (27) and married with a small child. I mostly wear Putumayo and H. as it is a bit more grown up (well, not really for the Putumayo) and wa-loli. I went on insane shopping sprees while in Japan and I was in an egl fashion show at an anime convention in Chicago this year. :)
[User Picture]
Date:November 15th, 2005 05:58 pm (UTC)
Ooh, sweet. I used to be a very active Cosplayer when I had the time, although I was never skilled enough to make my own Lolita-style stuff. Well, I made some headbands which I was supposed to sell, but I got too lazy to mail them. Shucks.

I really think Japanese fashion is fascinating, though. I took some Japanese language and culture classes here and daydreamed about studying abroad there, but my class schedule got too structured to allow for the hours of time more Japanese would have taken. But I DO plan on going there, someday... and shopping. Lol, got to go shopping.

I'm not familiar with putumayo, as it is... now I have exciting things to go look up and distract me from my studies! ;) Man, you make me wish I still had all my sewing stuff around.

PS Was this anime convention AnimeCentral, by any chance?
Date:November 15th, 2005 06:18 pm (UTC)
Hehe, to most EGLs cosplaying is a sin. I do not get bent out of shape with it though: I dressed my son up like Shipo from Inuyasha and made my husband go as Ed from Fullmetal Alchemist. Putumayo and H. are brand names of EGL clothing, H. is more gothic-punk and Putumayo is cute-casual with a bit of punk and BDSM.

And yup, it was AnimeCentral. It was the second convention I have ever gone to and it was.... weird.

There is an EGL community on LJ (egl) that has many neat things (except the bagillion photographs of girls in gothic clothing claiming to be egl, haha).
[User Picture]
Date:November 15th, 2005 08:18 pm (UTC)

as we happily tangent away from mikes entry... hehe

Hehe, to most REAL EGL's. Lots of people just cosplay as them, which I kind of daydreamed of for a while. Still would love to dress all up like that, but it'd cost a lot to get all of the sweet ingredients for such outfits.

As for Acen, that was my second con too. It was crazyweird. But it was also lots of fun -- my friend Stephen Poon is in this band called the Spoony Bards and I got to enjoy all sorts of fun music and occasional sing-alongs with them. Mostly, I work at anime cons, doing either security or AnimePavilion stuff. BUt I've not gone to one other than Ikasucon (a summer con AnimeUC puts on) in a year.

AnimeCentral for me was.. mm, a couple years ago?

I doubt by some freak chance I saw you there, but we can pretend. :D
I cosplayed FElicia that time... I think I have pics in my old gallery under 'AnimeCentral.'

Date:November 15th, 2005 09:01 pm (UTC)

Thread hijack! (need a vat of jello)

Yes, EGL is rather expensive. I spent well over 1500 while in Japan on EGL clothing, probably more on my kimonos. :D

ACEN was my second ever convention, I went to an SG1 last year. I liked the SG1 better, probably because I felt rather out of place at ACEN (being one of the "older" people)and that I had no idea what was going on). That and I was pissed that we pre-registered and asked people where we should get in line and the staff told us the non-pre-registered line and we did not figure it out until we waited in line for about two hours (with a toddler). WTF.

I am rather hard to miss-- I can confidently say I was probably the only woman with a bald head in EGL clothing, haha. :) I think I saw the Bards playing at some point in time, I had to explain them to my husband (who is an electronic and non-electronic musician).

We mostly went for The Pillows. :)
[User Picture]
Date:November 15th, 2005 09:25 pm (UTC)

Re: Thread hijack! (need a vat of jello)

Sweet. Don't know if I saw you, but then, I saw a billion people there and it was madness. I missed the Pillows, but I forget why. There was a decent reason, at least.

You should stick around the states long enough to go to some more animecons, and I'll see if I can staff them so I get in free and then get to see you! :)

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