I've been nauseous since the end of the weekend, and had to force myself to eat. I don't particularly like the taste of food right now; it's all fairly bland and painful to think about, even. I've also been staying up way too late cuddled in a blanket, checking email at odd hours of the night and watching The Legend of Zelda in between checks.
I still kinda shake every so often, kinda like I'm suddenly cold, even though the weather is beautiful. Other times, I shake like I have no control over my body. I can't even type most things correctly: I've been in conversations over IM recently that have been so full of the wrong words, weird typos, and the occasional freudian slip that I know I'm not actually thinking clearly about most things (thought there's one thing I know I'm clear on).
It's an interesting experience, to view the way my body reacts at the moment. I've found a couple ways to put off the symptoms, but none last very long. Rational thought, at the moment, is doing the worst, I think because rational thought doesn't really work for this. Forgetting about things only works for about 10 minutes, and then I'm right back to it. Staying physically busy works to some extent, but the moment I stop, I'm back to the nausea and the shakes.
Yeah, it's obvious I'm worried about something, but what exactly it is doesn't belong in my journal right now.
This weekend is Trillium, and I admit, I'm a bit worried about how that will go. I leave tomorrow for that long-ass drive to the middle of nowhere Virginia. I'll have a lot of time to think, which can sometimes be dangerous. It's a good festival, though, and there will be people there that I really want to see and hang out with. I wish I had the gumption to go through the Buffett Ritual stuff, but I haven't, not really, though I've been working on the music. It helps to sing certain songs.
But, I'm willing to experience this, willing to take it. For as long as it takes.