June 21st, 2006
|01:36 pm - My foot, and a morning devotional.|
Well, It's official: my foot (and sock, and part of the inside of my boot) is a bloody mess.
It is, actually, not so bad as I thought. I've replaced the bandages and my foot is currently barefoot and outside my shoe. But man, the blood. . . I wonder if it'll even come out of the sock, or if it'll affect the gore-tex in my boots.
This morning, in the pre-dawn dark, I ripped my foot across the carpet flashing in the basement, and it sheared the skin right off between two toes. Must have hit it just right, because the flashing (not entirely sure it's the right word, but it's close enough) wouldn't do that under normal circumstances. I went into the bathroom and soaked my foot in alcohol and bandaged it up, roughly, with what was handy (and sterile): regular old band-aids. I'll need to find some more creative bandaging supplies in the near future for a better coverage.
It still hurts, but isn't nearly as tender to the touch as it was this morning, so I'm walking generally without my cane right now.
Of course, I've decided that I need to learn how to walk with a cane. My shoulder is killing me because I've put all my weight on it all morning, and I did a lot of moving around this morning before making it in to work.
The ritual this morning was all right, but I was distracted far too much by my foot to really get into it. I imagine I probably didn't seem like the nicest person this morning, but then again, I got in my fill of ritual before anyone else showed up, surprisingly enough.
I got there early (I'd planned enough lee-way to get woken up and moving this morning that the incident with my foot didn't really slow me down. . . It actually probably woke me up faster) and sat in the labyrinth for a while, alone.
I'd been reading MacDonnell's Vedic Mythology the night before, which is what made me decide to go into the ritual the next morning in the first place. Particularly, I was reading about Usas, where I came across the line: "She is besought to arouse only the devout ... worshipper, leaving the ungodly ... to sleep on."
And I could not help but feel spoken to.
So this morning, I raced her as the daughters of heaven, the shining mothers of order, changed colour and showed the sun his path.
And as I saw the sun come up entirely, I found myself asking, "When does Usas give way to Surya?"
So I wrote to Usas, for Usas. I find that I absolutely must get a copy of the Rgveda so I can study the meter and speak well to this particular goddess. What I wrote, I would be embarassed to show her.
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: "Happy Christmas (War is Over)", -JB
Thank you, Mazi! It makes me feel good knowing that somebody is out there trying to share something good. I feel all shy now, of course, because I feel silly for being intimidated... but hey. I have a feeling I'll be very thankful later for you asking to examine why (and then in theory get over that!)
I guess my first level of intimidation is the writing style. From what I've heard of it, it seems to be written in a very convoluted, long-winded style. I don't know that I would comprehend it all, or if not that, whether or not it would make me impatient to read sentences that are two pages long each. Hopefully it's not as Tale of Two Cities is as my impression?
Another thing that intimidates me, I guess, is the vast difference in culture. My coziest paradigm is Gaulish, and Celtic and Norse paths harmonize sweetly with it. Other things... not so much just yet. Roman and Greek do not work for me at all unless I'm doing something chaotey (because that's a word) and certain Asian and Egyptian deities draw my interest, but little more. With the Vedic culture, though... it's different. There might be a calling, but if there is, it's obscured by a great deal of hesitation and the unfamiliarity of the voices. They could be screaming, "STAY AWAY!" or softly singing, "Come closer..." and I could not tell the difference. I still can't decide if I should fear or love Agni. Is he protecting me or do I need protection from him? I seem to be caught somewhere in the middle.
*thinks, trying to be helpful*...
I'm not so worried that the culture will clash with my primarily Gaulish workings, but I admit to being sort of an overachiever at times and I worry about honouring the Vedic gods properly. I know very little about how to do that, other than it seems fairly different and more involved. I also believe in the importance of understanding cultural context and really trying to feel what the people whose gods I am trying to contact felt, which is... a lot harder for Vedic with me, mostly because of ignorance but also because of disconnection. I'm sure once I start learning I'll see we have a lot in common, but right now it's hard to feel like I'm not being new-agey and grabbing token "Indian" gods for good measure. These people are not yet people I can relate to in my life. The Celts and the Norse I ahve always been familiar with, but the Vedic... I hadn't even heard of 'em until this year.
I guess you could say I feel a bit like a stranger asking to stay at somebody else's home.