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Trying to get back, baby. Back to where we were. - Chronarchy

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July 10th, 2006


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11:58 am - Trying to get back, baby. Back to where we were.
I've been hearing from lots of places, quite honestly, that I'm just not keeping up my end of the "friendship" bargains I have with lots of people. I haven't been hanging out with them, or relaxing with them, or sending them email. I've been "short" in my responses, sometimes ignored entire emails, and often missed events like parties and dinners that I've tried to get to.

And I wish I could fix it.

But right now, I'm more busy than I've been in a long time. Far, far more busy. Work is harder, and so is play. My research has taken on a life of its own, and I've been sucked into it. I'm at a point now where things like reading Latin are getting a bit easier, and to put that on hold will undo a lot of work I've done. I'm also out of money, entirely, at the moment, and am living about a quarter paycheck behind, so getting places (and managing to eat) have taken a back seat in most cases.

So I suppose what this entry is about is, "Hey, I love you guys. Just please don't be offended or think I'm avoiding you. It's just not an easy life right now. But I'll be back. Things will get better: they always do."

Just be patient with me, please.
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: "Knees of My Heart", -JB

(19 comments Leave a comment)

Comments:


[User Picture]
From:anivair
Date:July 10th, 2006 04:34 pm (UTC)
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rest assured you are totally keeping up your end of my friend bargain. Whenever we see one another you are perfectly friendly and that's really all I need.
[User Picture]
From:tlachtga
Date:July 10th, 2006 05:42 pm (UTC)
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Don't worry, at least on my part.

BTW, we're trying to nail down everything going on here so that we can make it out to Summerlands--woohoo!
[User Picture]
From:ferrelux
Date:July 10th, 2006 06:10 pm (UTC)
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What?!? Please don't tell me somebody actually tried to guilt you with a line like that. In short, friends -- *true* friends -- won't do that. If somebody actually used that line, they're just being manipulative and merely using you to fulfill their own needs. :/

< /rant>

I think you'll actually find that your real friends enjoy your company and don't begrudge the fact that "real life" gets in the way quite frequently. I've got many friends that I haven't even spoken with in 2-5 years. But I know that if I ever need them, all I have to do is pick up the phone and they'll do anything they can to help me (I know this as fact; I actually had to take one up on it a few years back). That's just how real friends treat each other.

You shouldn't need to ask permission, or make excuses. Go do what you need to do. Those people who really care about you will still be there when you come back 'round again.

_
[User Picture]
From:chronarchy
Date:July 11th, 2006 02:32 pm (UTC)
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Thanks particularly for this post.

And yeah, I've got friends just like those. Haven't heard from you in 5 years but you need help burying a body? Sure, I'll be there as soon as I can find some pants. Earlier if you require, but I'd really like to put on the pants first, and I think you would too.
[User Picture]
From:ferrelux
Date:July 12th, 2006 05:55 pm (UTC)
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Well, if it's really a pinch, the guy you're stuffing in the car trunk probably doesn't need pants any longer.

But then there's that whole 'loss of bowel control' thingie when you kick off.

Yeah, I'd say pants are good. Go ahead, take your time; he won't start to stiffen up for another half-hour or so...

_
[User Picture]
From:lillassea
Date:July 11th, 2006 06:00 pm (UTC)
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Well said.

I've jettisoned some "high maintenance" friends from my life -- the kind who would get mad because they've apparently counted the days since I called them last and then yelled at me when I went over the limit (not that I was informed of said limit, either). Not to mention, they didn't call ME either during that time.

I don't get that and you're right, it's not true friendship.
From:healing_coyote
Date:July 12th, 2006 02:46 am (UTC)
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I agree totally!
[User Picture]
From:singingwren
Date:July 10th, 2006 07:03 pm (UTC)
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I can especially relate to something like the research suddenly sucking you in. It's awesome, you are very passionate about it, and it's sort of like running through a big intriguing labyrinth. You have to keep on running because to turn back now would be to never get closer to the goal you're approaching, but you have no idea how long it will take you to get there or how many turns it will take. You always feel sort of close, though... and so you run. And it's exciting and meaningful to you. But other people start to get frustrated that you only have eyes for that maze...

I used to get really inspired with costumes and then spend hours making them. I didn't have enough time or money, but I spent what little bits I could find trying to get these costumes done, and I constantly talked on LJ or elsewhere about new ideas or findings. Me, I felt like I was on fire. I was excited and alive and having fun. But everybody else started to treat me like I was an obsessive freak and increasingly harder to relate to, which I never did figure out how to completely reconcile. The best thing I could do was more or less to do what you are doing... to keep updating people on what was happening and what I was doing so they felt included, to let them know that I was enjoying myself and felt GOOD though driven so they wouldn't worry, to make sure people knew I heard their concerns and was determined to find a balance in life, and to try to make time now and then to quench my fervor so other people felt they could approach me. Being "on fire" with productivity and other stuff is great, but it's important to remember that just because that fire doesn't consume that it can still burn other people.

I guess what it comes down to is moderation. :) I don't think anybody minds you being busy and productive, but you being busy and strung out or depleted is no good. When you start to have no energy for your friends in the form of health and happiness, then they CAN complain... and should. It's not just them being selfish, it's them worrying about you letting your various fires consume you. They should complain when you don't hang out with them as often or what have you if it's because you are not eating and sleeping or relaxing enough -- because that means you've lost balance. Then you need a wake up call. It's not a selfish desire, wanting to see you taken care of first... which is really what I think most (though I don't know) friends are trying to say.





[User Picture]
From:serendipity_9
Date:July 10th, 2006 07:24 pm (UTC)
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Ya never call, ya never write... Ya do these kookie blood-letting rites to keep people wondering as they maintain a safe distance... Hey, I'm totally offended, so you need to come over to my house after work today!

Just kidding. I'm a long-distance friend anyhow (at least, you're a friend of mine; I cannot speak for you). So it's more about how we get along when we do get to see each other. Would that all friendships were like that, regardless of the distance.

Be sure to take time out of your busy schedule to fit some socializing in. It's healthier to remain connected; I should know, 'cause it's one of my chief faults.
[User Picture]
From:carmesita
Date:July 10th, 2006 08:50 pm (UTC)
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Good luck with all your work. If you drown in it, there are those who will throw you a life jacket :)
[User Picture]
From:creature_tamer
Date:July 10th, 2006 08:59 pm (UTC)
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No worries, all is well. :) "Your presence honors me!"
[User Picture]
From:singingwren
Date:July 10th, 2006 10:00 pm (UTC)
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"You mean Mike had FREE time yesterday? ... I thought that was only a legend!!"
[User Picture]
From:creature_tamer
Date:July 10th, 2006 11:02 pm (UTC)
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From what I've heard, he's been spending time at his local library. There you can find a treasure trove of exciting stories and adventures! Just be sure not to judge a book by its cover.
[User Picture]
From:singingwren
Date:July 11th, 2006 01:44 am (UTC)
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... *sighs and removes an article of clothing*
From:ceolnamara
Date:July 10th, 2006 10:05 pm (UTC)
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I can be easily offended at times, but I'm not offended by you at the moment.
From:ceolnamara
Date:July 10th, 2006 10:07 pm (UTC)
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Besides, learning Latin is a really worthy endeavor. Something I completely support, because it's cool and it's just the sort of thing I do with my music. In my life, there's nothing better than getting absorbed in learning something fantastic.
[User Picture]
From:wishesofastar
Date:July 10th, 2006 10:08 pm (UTC)
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I've been feeling like I've been pretty anti-social lately as well. And man, it sucks to go hungry. If you ever find some time, I'd be more than happy to buy you a meal. Just let me know if/when you're free. :)
From:red_sput
Date:July 11th, 2006 04:36 am (UTC)
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Feel lucky bro. Passion seems to derive friendship desires among people. People usually try to be best friends with the people who are popular but are so passionate about something that they have no time for the many contacts in which they have. The loners like me have a tough time sending email after email and letter after letter to people with no responses. However, I would never go after people and tell someone they are not being a good enough friend. Just for someone to say that I'm their "friend" and genuinely mean it means so much to me that I would do almost anything in return.

I definitely think you hold up your end of the bargain. I know you always give time to me if I want to talk to you. I don't do it a lot and perhaps you would like me to do it more, but it is nice to know you're there. I think it's obvious you value your friendships and they mean a lot to you. It's hard in this selfish world for most people to see that though, especially when you have as many friends and contacts as you do.
From:tanrinia
Date:July 18th, 2006 04:00 pm (UTC)
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IMO, true friends should understand the ebbs and flows of life, and not take it personally.

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