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Ár nDraíocht Féin
Three Cranes
Chaos Matrix

July 10th, 2006

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11:58 am - Trying to get back, baby. Back to where we were.
I've been hearing from lots of places, quite honestly, that I'm just not keeping up my end of the "friendship" bargains I have with lots of people. I haven't been hanging out with them, or relaxing with them, or sending them email. I've been "short" in my responses, sometimes ignored entire emails, and often missed events like parties and dinners that I've tried to get to.

And I wish I could fix it.

But right now, I'm more busy than I've been in a long time. Far, far more busy. Work is harder, and so is play. My research has taken on a life of its own, and I've been sucked into it. I'm at a point now where things like reading Latin are getting a bit easier, and to put that on hold will undo a lot of work I've done. I'm also out of money, entirely, at the moment, and am living about a quarter paycheck behind, so getting places (and managing to eat) have taken a back seat in most cases.

So I suppose what this entry is about is, "Hey, I love you guys. Just please don't be offended or think I'm avoiding you. It's just not an easy life right now. But I'll be back. Things will get better: they always do."

Just be patient with me, please.
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: "Knees of My Heart", -JB

(19 comments Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:July 10th, 2006 07:03 pm (UTC)

I can especially relate to something like the research suddenly sucking you in. It's awesome, you are very passionate about it, and it's sort of like running through a big intriguing labyrinth. You have to keep on running because to turn back now would be to never get closer to the goal you're approaching, but you have no idea how long it will take you to get there or how many turns it will take. You always feel sort of close, though... and so you run. And it's exciting and meaningful to you. But other people start to get frustrated that you only have eyes for that maze...

I used to get really inspired with costumes and then spend hours making them. I didn't have enough time or money, but I spent what little bits I could find trying to get these costumes done, and I constantly talked on LJ or elsewhere about new ideas or findings. Me, I felt like I was on fire. I was excited and alive and having fun. But everybody else started to treat me like I was an obsessive freak and increasingly harder to relate to, which I never did figure out how to completely reconcile. The best thing I could do was more or less to do what you are doing... to keep updating people on what was happening and what I was doing so they felt included, to let them know that I was enjoying myself and felt GOOD though driven so they wouldn't worry, to make sure people knew I heard their concerns and was determined to find a balance in life, and to try to make time now and then to quench my fervor so other people felt they could approach me. Being "on fire" with productivity and other stuff is great, but it's important to remember that just because that fire doesn't consume that it can still burn other people.

I guess what it comes down to is moderation. :) I don't think anybody minds you being busy and productive, but you being busy and strung out or depleted is no good. When you start to have no energy for your friends in the form of health and happiness, then they CAN complain... and should. It's not just them being selfish, it's them worrying about you letting your various fires consume you. They should complain when you don't hang out with them as often or what have you if it's because you are not eating and sleeping or relaxing enough -- because that means you've lost balance. Then you need a wake up call. It's not a selfish desire, wanting to see you taken care of first... which is really what I think most (though I don't know) friends are trying to say.

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