October 3rd, 2006
|10:24 pm - How did I get here from there?|
137. I'll stop from here, you stop from there; we'll meet somewhere in the middle. Thanks, Jimmy. Right again.
I found myself thinking today: "Somewhere, you were a complete fool, and you let your chance go by. How could you do that to yourself?"
I want to erase my life for the past year and a half. There may be a lot I would never change, but I see that for the rest of my life, there is one thing I will forever regret.
I wish we had met in the middle.
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: crappy
Current Music: "12-Volt man", -JB
Yay being cryptic?
If you need to talk, feel free to drop me a line.
Oddly, sometimes I just need to post somethin'. Rarely actually means anything.
I described to a friend today: I'm actually in a great place, in general, except the one place it's vital. . . Emotionally.
There's a hell of a malestrom of crazy things goin' on in my head and heart right now. I'll be fine, once I figure them out.
But thank you for the offer.
|Date:||October 4th, 2006 03:27 am (UTC)|| |
Re: Per our earlier discussion
Oh, it's amazing how that works, isn't it?
Where am I going and why am I in this tapestry?
Sorry that you're feeling crappy. Is it possible to send a burger through the internet? If it was, you'd have one.
There's gotta be somewhere that you can order one.
Miss you, btw. :)
|Date:||October 4th, 2006 03:31 am (UTC)|| |
Hm. Seems to me that you are probably talking about one of two things, and they both have to do with relationships.
And I would love to offer you words of wisdom, but the truth is, I have a regret or two also in that department.... but, truly, if it had been any different, my path would be totally different. Somewhere, amidst the regret, is a knowing that it's how it had to be.
And I sure hope that, in the long run, the price I paid will be worth it.
The way our lives could change, it's a strange thing. One question, one answer, or one move could make a hell of a difference.
Really, I'm just re-taking stock of where I am. As above, "Where am I going, and why am I in this tapestry?"
|Date:||October 4th, 2006 03:37 am (UTC)|| |
*grin* MY Buffett oracle for the day:
184. Take a sail and wind up in some moonlit bay.
I am going to suggest you take two of those and call me in the morning :)
|Date:||October 4th, 2006 03:41 am (UTC)|| |
It's gonna be fun trying to find a sailboat in Phoenix, AZ. ;)
|Date:||October 4th, 2006 03:42 am (UTC)|| |
Oh wait. That's what TRANCING is for!
|Date:||October 4th, 2006 03:56 am (UTC)|| |
I told you that you shouldn't run out of beer, I gave you fair warning! :)
Seriously though, one of the things that drew me to taoism is the concept of living your life without regret. There's a lot of ways of interpreting that, and they're all probably right. Sure, making appropiate decisions at the time is very important, but so is not kicking yourself in the future if your decisions end up being "wrong". Worry about "what is", not the "what if...". That's all I'll bore ya with for now, you know how to get a hold of me if need be.
Looking back at decisions regretfully is frustrating for sure. But just remember that as dark as things seem now, they have a way of eventually turning out for the better in ways you wouldn't expect.
Hopefully we can get a trip to Eternia going soonish to help distract you from whatever is going on.
I should reply to your email about that.
there is no rewind or fast forward...you would not be you if not for the last year and a half, the wind, the rain, the daily toil of life is what shapes you into you, to see the sunrise, to feel the rain fall apon your face...do not remember me tomorrow for I will be different when we meet again, do not forget me today, for I may need a friend...as for yesterday, things are always easier from a distance
If you find out how to do that erasing bit, please let me know. I could stand to do a fair bit of erasing myself...
Hm. Well everyone else has all this sage advice, but me, I cut right to the chase. There's one vital point that you are missing here.
What, my love, do we call the far ends that *aren't* in the middle?
Quit being a square and admit that you finally understand all my talk of being X-treme.
Can't go wrong -- as my Jimmy says, "152. We're gypsies in the palace, there ain't no wrong or right."
I am forever a gypsy in the palace.
That is how I see my role in ritual.
I'd rather be a gypsy outside, personally. Gypsies are too nomadic to stay inside for long.
Palaces can sure be nice, though... maybe I should get us one some day. :)
In days of old,
When knights were bold,
And journeyed from their castles,
Trusty men were left behind;
Knights needed not the hassles.
They helped themselves to pig and peach
And drank from king's own chalice.
Oh, it was a stirring sight
These gypsies in the palace.
We're definitely not knights, at least. ;)
I am, personally, a Knight of Indecision.fred_smith
once drew me a Knight of our order.
I wanted to be part of the Order of the Sleepless Knights, but I get too much sleep for that.
Is this Discordian stuff? 'Cause we aren't talking about that.
My weirdness quota has already been fulfilled for the day: I woke up at 4:30am to a buzzing noise that seemed to have been rhythmically occurring for hours, eventually discovered my phone was sporadically vibrating, and picked it up. There I was greeted by a "NEW PIX MESSAGE!" screen that unfortunately turned out to be a big picture of a stuffed Cthulu.
Discordians of Unusual Size? I don't believe in them.
I just noticed this comment in my inbox. And I must say, I am forced to inquire: what the fuck are you talking about? o.o
Also, because I know you adore poetry and won't step begging me for i left and rightt, my favourite verse by the Rumster himself seems very appropriate here. Written to look like prose for yer delicate eyes, it goes: "Come, come, whoever you are, wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving: this is not a caravan of despair. Though you have broken your vow a thousand times, still come, and yet again, come." :)
|Date:||October 5th, 2006 02:30 am (UTC)|| |
I pass to you my love and many hugs.
|Date:||October 5th, 2006 04:10 pm (UTC)|| |
I have been struggling with regrets of my own recently. Though in my case it has been regrets of things done rather than a chance let slip by. Which kind of regret would you rather have?
You would not be the person you are, and are becomming, without that experience.