November 2nd, 2006
|01:07 pm - Inspiration invocation|
Inspiration Invocation. Written at lunch, Thursday, November 2, 2006:
I reach deeply within myself;
My eyes turn inward and see deep;
My fingers reach out, feeling forth;
My ears are open, listening;
My nose sniffs for any sign here;
My tongue tastes the sweet nectar now;
Here it is, within me, calling;
Here I am, to greet it, hold it;
Here we are, together, tightly;
Inspiration, I call to you;
hold me, know me.
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: calm
Current Music: "Something So Feminine About a Mandolin", -JB
|Date:||November 2nd, 2006 06:38 pm (UTC)|| |
Truly, deeply beautiful. I lack the gift of writing, but I am glad that you share yours.
It's not really that great. I wrote it as it came, and so this is first draft. I haven't had the chance to edit it at all yet, seeing as I got back from lunch, typed it in, and then went straight back to work.
But I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Not to be a grammar nazi, but "My eyes turn inward and see deep" should end in "see deeply." I mention this because the lack of an -ly is on some level jarring.
I like the ending.
"It's poetry man, back off."
You wanna fight?
I'll show YOU inspiration, you pansy poet!!!
heh. It's a quote from somewhere. I think the Reduced Shakespeare Company, actually. Or, possibly, Dr. Science.
I forget which.
But when I get around to attempting to revise this draft, I'll take your request for a change to an adverb under consideration.
*laughs* I am honoured.
Now you need to set this baby to music. ;)
I like this.
Is it avalible for ritual use?
Atributation isn't even necessary, but if you'd like to, you can indicate that it is "KopyLeft: Michael J Dangler, 2006" :)
Everything I write is KopyLeft.
Kewl! I like the litany effect and how the litany changes once you reach your destination. I also like your use of the five senses. If you tighten up some of the language (particularly the nose line), you'll be in terrific shape!
Here's an idea... toy with it if you will: what if you could slightly change the litany right after "Here it is, within me, calling" to transition a bit more gradually to the "holding, knowing." It seems like you've already found what you seeking for the three "Here" lines, and I wondered why you were still seeking. Because you don't yet grasp it?
Reminiscent of the "Are we there yet" chant? Hmm... I think you've got a theme going, mebbe.
(I also had some unpleasant imagery occur at the thought of you reaching deeply within yourself with your sense of touch... thoughts of tentacles ran through my mind and made me shudder.)