The other part is that I need people to give me a hand with part of it.
PCtG: My Lady Eris, I'm here.
Eris: As am I, my child. What's wrong? You look troubled, kid.
PCtG: Well, it's been a long time. I'm struggling with several issues right now. Everything seems. . . Boy, this sounds silly. . . It all seems disordered and chaotic.
Eris: You expected anything less when you chose me?
PCtG: I didn't choose you, Gorgeous. You chose me. Or did that detail slip your mind?
Eris: Greeny, you're so *cute* when you're confused. Has anyone ever told you that? And I like the goatee. Reminds me of an old flame. . .
PCtG: The goatee is getting cut off. And I'm not keen on looking cute. *deep breath* What do you mean, I'm "confused"?
Eris: Babe, you chose me. I just opened my arms to you. You asked to be in *my* embrace.
PCtG: You forget the fact that you wouldn't leave me alone. I fought you for a very long time.
Eris: Why Green?
PCtG: Don't change the subject. What happened there? How are you under the impression that I chose you and I'm under the impression that you chose me?
Eris: Silly boy. It's really very simple. *You* read Illuminatus! without any prompting. *You* bought the Principia. *You* wrote Erisian fiction. *You* wouldn't stop bugging me. And now you have the nerve to blame *me* for this relationship?
PCtG: Sorry, Queen. . .
Eris: Don't call me that. Makes me sound gay. And I'm definitely not in drag.
PCtG: Sorry. But your sandals match your peplos so well. . . Anyway, I'm not trying to piss you off. I know that hell hath no fury like a red-head scorned.
Eris: Nice to see you learned something from all this. . .
PCtG: Oh, I've learned a bit. You saw my jaw drop when I first saw you.
Eris: I do like to think I made an impression. How's BJ now?
Eris: Oh, yes. How is he?
PCtG: Seems to be doing good, but I don't hear from him much. I'm not entirely sure he knows what's going on with you two.
Eris: Neither did you when I started.
PCtG: I thought I started this?
Eris: Now you get it. You're so cute when you're confused!
PCtG: Not again. . . *sighs* anyway, I wanted to ask you a question.
Eris: Shoot, Kemosabe.
PCtG: Okay. Well, you remember that girl I mentioned?
Eris: *rolls eyes* Which one? The blonde? The brunette? The red head? the older one? the young one who is "so full of life"? That one from 6 years ago? The one. . .
PCtG: Okay. . . I get it. You know which one I mean.
Eris: I also know you're writing this down, and I'm going to make you as uncomfortable as possible.
PCtG: You do an excellent job, My Lady.
Eris: It takes years of practice, but first one must have the calling.
PCtG: Don't remind me. Anyway, I need some help with her. Can you provide it?
Eris: Well, I suppose I could whip up *something* fun. . .
PCtG: No, not "fun". Something effective.
Eris: Sure. But you have to do something for me.
PCtG: Do I get a choice?
Eris: Of course not, dear. But I like for you to think you do.
PCtG: Well, what would you like?
Eris: You don't ever finish the work you begin, do you?
PCtG: I do sometimes. I think I know where you're going.
Eris: Yep. You owe me big already. I want a slice of that little organization of yours. Something Irish, right?
Eris: Yes, that one. I want a little bit. You've been working with it. You already know there are two other Erisians in it. You need to get me a Cult that can *do* something. You've got it in you. Make it happen.
PCtG: You do remember that ADF is where I got that liturgy you didn't like, right?
Eris: You bet. But I also know you can chuck the parts you don't like. Fix it.
PCtG: And you'll take care of my dillemma?
Eris: I'd say "cross my heart", but that movie ruined the idea for me. Can we shake on it?
PCtG: Works for me. You *are* beautiful.
Eris: I love you. You're so much better to me than the Greeks were.
PCtG: Most of us Discordians are.
Eris: I suppose. Just make sure something happens.
PCtG: We both have our words to keep.
Eris: I know, Dear. Promise me one more thing.
PCtG: What's that?
Eris: If I do this, you'll take action on the opening?
PCtG: Yes, Ma'am.
Eris: Don't call me that. Makes me sound like your mother.
PCtG: In a way, you are.
Eris: Yeah, but it also implies I'm *old*.
PCtG: Point taken, Babe. Sorry about that.
Eris: No problem. Anything else?
PCtG: Well, you know I'm working with Esus more.
Eris: Why do you do that? He's boring! Come be mine. I can promise I'll make it worth your while. No more of this favour-for-favour stuff.
PCtG: While your experience with your father may not have been that great, mine's working out well. But I'm ignoring Him for you.
Eris: Maybe I like it that way!
PCtG: Please don't pout, Babe. It's not a Goddess-like quality.
Eris: How do you know what constitutes a Goddess-like quality?
PCtG: I happen to know the prettiest one personally.
Eris: Aww, thanks, Green. That means a lot.
PCtG: Only the truth for you, Gorgeous. Anyway, I want to find a better way to pay more attention to both of you. He's given me so much, and so have you. I want to deal with you on an equal footing, and I want you to help me with that.
Eris: Well, so long as He doesn't get more of you than I do, I suppose it's okay. You'll continue to sacrifice to me at every ritual?
PCtG: Of course. Every one I go to.
Eris: I'm not a jealous Goddess. I just play one on TV.
PCtG: I know. What sort of ritual can I do for you next?
Eris: I like your idea of doing me a Black Mass. Are you seriously considering that?
PCtG: Well, stealing the Host could be a difficult thing, but I might be able to pull it off. The main problem with doing a Black Mass is that I was never Catholic, and so the order of ritual isn't all that familiar to me.
Eris: Get a missal and use that. Or take some of those Catholic classes.
PCtG: Might not be a bad idea. But I was hoping I could do something more creative. Black Masses are *so* 1970.
Eris: You have a point there. How about this: you sit down with a blank sheet of paper, and have a committed group of people to work with you. I'll give you the ritual.
PCtG: I don't believe in Automatic Writing. . .
Eris: That's what makes it fun, Darling. I can promise a good ritual. Who knows, I might just give you an orgy for all your trouble. . .
PCtG: You know I don't need *that* in my life, Gorgeous.
Eris: Oh, I know, but it's fun to watch you blush. Funny how you blush as soon as you realise I'm serious about that kind of thing.
PCtG: I'm not sure if it's a blush of fear, or one of pleasure.
Eris: Oh, it's probably one of both. But I know that, deep down, you don't really want it.
PCtG: I appreciate the idea.
Eris: So go post this in your LJ and on your website and get volunteers. Enjoy it. Oh, and schedule it for November 27. You'd better decide where you're going to be that day.
PCtG: Well, that shoots my plan to go to Chicago to hell. . .
Eris: Unless your participants are there.
PCtG: Point taken.
Eris: Don't forget that you're free, Darling.
PCtG: I won't, Gorgeous. Don't forget that I'm yours.
Eris: How could I? You're too cute.
So now I need some help. Seem like She wants me to do some work for Her. Any takers for a completely Discordian ritual? We can run a ritual over a large geographic area, if there are only a couple of people who can get together locally, too.