Chronarchy (chronarchy) wrote,

Oops. Maybe that explains how I act :)

I don't often do memes anymore, but every so often one will catch my attention. Today's attention was caught by a quiz about Asperger's:

Your Aspie score: 109 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 90 of 200
You seem to have both Aspie and neurotypical traits

Detailed results suitable for printing

It interests me that I generally fall in the category of "almost but not quite" when taking tests for signs of Asperger's.

Another test is here, on which I scored a 24 (after learning to read the script since it didn't calculate the score for me) with 32 being the threshold and 16 being the "normal" state for most folks.

I suspect that it's my "almost but not quite" status that keeps me trying these tests. I might think of it as a slight obsession I have, really: I know the score isn't going to change. I won't score higher or lower (at least, not by more than a few points here and there).

And yet, I still try them.

I suspect it has to do with my general inability to form relationships that are as meaningful as I think they should be (and don't get me started on the relationships where the other person thinks that it should be deeper). I suspect that what I'm really doing is seeking an explaination for a number of what I see are "defects" in my ability to accomplish many things socially. It'd be much easier for me, I think, to say, "I'm sorry I don't understand this, but the reason is X."

Logically speaking, I know I'm not an Aspie. I am not and I never will be. Sure, from time to time a trick I've picked up from talking over some of my similar issues with people who do have Asperger's has come in handy (e.g. having a script for social situations, learning how to show emotion through facial expression regardless of internal feeling, &c.), but I'm fortunate not to be reliant on them.

Still, I've missed out on a lot of things until pretty recently. I still don't have an emotional response to poetry or writing (I never really did, and my appreciation of poetry has become worse), and I discovered the concept of "young love" very late in life. The oddest thing, though, is that I don't feel as if I actually have "missed out." I just feel (perhaps coldly, perhaps "naturally" for me) that things I may have "missed" are simply not important.

Well, that was a bit of unintentional soul-searching. But it was intriguing to write.
Tags: memes, reflections, writings

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