Chronarchy (chronarchy) wrote,
Chronarchy
chronarchy

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Shenanigans!

Note: This LJ entry may be very mean, but it's supposed to be funny. And only half serious.

From now on, I'm calling shenanigans on various Pagans and classmates. Examples:

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"The whole of Norse Religion was designed so that it would fall apart when Christianity came along!"

Proper response: "Shenanigans!" (I swear I heard this. And the teacher ran with it! I was too confused to be mortified.)

===

"And my great-great-great-grandmother on my mom's side was a witch who was burned at the stake in Salem!"

Proper response: "Shenanigans!" (And the Third-Degree-Granny-Factory in New Forest strikes again. And, just in case it needs to be said, not one person was burned at the stake in Salem. Sorry.)

===

"Pagans don't believe that! They believe in a God and Goddess who get married at Beltaine! And that's why Pagans don't marry at Beltaine: it steals the thunder from the God and Goddess!"

Proper response: "Shenanigans!" (If all Pagans everywhere believed anything, we'd be Roman Catholic. As far as marrying on Beltaine: it's not because it steals the thunder from the Wiccan God and Goddess, it's because May 1 is a *very* unlucky day to get married in Ireland, and this stems from the fact that no one got married at Beltaine in the Celtic world. This was actually a time of seperation, when the women left the village. Beltaine was actually the *end* of what MacLeod has termed "marriage season".)

===

"America was founded by Judo-Christians."

Proper response: "Shenanigans!" (Not only was this country not founded by Judeo-Christians, but it certainly wasn't founded by Christians karate-chopping their way across the frontier.)

===

"I was posessed by the God/dess and s/he told me to sleep with you!"

Proper response: "Shenanigans!" (If a deity told me to sleep with someone, I'd probably ascribe it to the mushrooms rather than the God/dess. Religion tends to be a real convenient way of getting into someone's pants.)

===

"My tradition comes from Atlantis! There was this really big eye in this pyramid, and it controled the weather! Oh, and Edgar Cayce predicted it would rise from the ocean in 1953!"

Proper response: "Shenanigans!" (Atlantis? Unless they're a Discordian, you know they're just makin' it up. And Cayce was a fruit.)

===

"Nine million women. . ."

Proper response: "Shenanigans!" (Reference to the "Burning Times", current estimates sit at about 100,000 - 500,000. ish.)

===

"I can conjur a thunderstorm and throw fireballs down the street!"

Proper response: "Shenanigans!" (I mean, come on!)

===

"You don't know what you're talking about! On page [insert random number] of Drawing Down the Moon. . ."

Proper response: "Shenanigans!" (Anyone who quotes a page number from DDM is assuming you haven't read it either. It's the old Pagan joke, and I've seen it pulled.)

===

"My crystal has the power to heal all the bad things in the world!"

Proper response: "Shenanigans!" (Maybe I'm biased, but if I see one more person shell out $300 for a crystal and then complain about being on food stamps, welfare, or being "poor", I'm going to scream!)

===

"Oral tradition tells us how. . ."

Proper response: "Shenanigans!" (Yes, Starhawk, I'm looking at you. Don't try to hide. You know you just made up those statistics, traditions, and stories.)

===

"Most Pagans (esp. Wiccans) are duotheistic."

Proper response: "Shenanigans!" (No, they aren't. Duotheism, which some have said is a word made up in order to insult Wiccans, is seriously on the decline. Most Pagans are Polytheists or Henotheists.)

===

"The Druids didn't have any women among them." Related: "The Druids and the Druidesses were trained seperate from each other, and had different spheres."

Proper response: "Shenanigans!" (There were female Druids. They did not fit specific spheres and roles. If you want to believe this sort of crap, read the 21 Lessons of Merlyn.)

===

"The Celts were matriarchal."

Proper response: "Shenanigans!" (This should almost be "Bullshit" instead, but I'm too polite for that.)

===

Wow, I think I went on a tirade. This whole thing came up last night. Brian and I were talking about the stupid things we've heard in Religious Studies classes, and then it became stupid things we've heard come from Pagans' mouths. We sort of decided that we should just start calling shenanigans in class when someone said something stupid.
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