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Ár nDraíocht Féin
Three Cranes
Chaos Matrix

March 3rd, 2008

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09:31 am - Oh, and:
To those aware that, as of two months ago, I had plans to move west, those plans are entirely scratched.

I will be in Columbus for the foreseeable future.

Resolutions are coming. Plans are solidifying. Things are changing here and there.

To those unaware, well, no worries: Perhaps 20 people (on and offline) knew, and only those people who actually asked about my personal life (or came to a Grove business meeting) between June '07 and January '08 were among them.
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: busy
Current Music: "Pre-You", -JB

(28 comments Leave a comment)


[User Picture]
Date:March 4th, 2008 04:01 pm (UTC)
For me, RS was a lock. It was a lock I was happy with, granted, but it was definitely a lock. It had a feeling of comfort and resignation: Back to the past, where things were rosy and simple. Back to times where things didn't change, and goals were set for you instead of by you. It's also paying someone else to validate you, which, at the point I was at last June, was the only way I could have gotten validation. Now, though, there is a potential for validation to take the form of money to me.

The fact of the matter really is this: my lot in life has gone from one where I was stuck and confined, and the only way to get out was to start over, to a place where I've been given a change to build on what I have learned and done in the past. I spent 7 years here proving myself.

Besides, if it doesn't work out, what's the worst thing that can come of it? I pay off most of my debts, don't have to sell my house in the current housing-slump market, and go to grad school next year? I mean, I have to re-take the GRE, but I wasn't happy with my 87th percentile four years ago anyway.

Maintaining a job, a house, relationships, and a Grove are things I'm proud of, though. They're constant studies in change and adaptation, constant sources of strife and resolution. I don't think you're too young to understand, but you are in a different paradigm. Change, for you, means new faces and new places. Change, for me, means being who I am in the way that satisfies me most. It's adding spice, not ordering a new dish. It's swapping a side instead of changing restaurants. It's seeing the changes in the seasons here in Central Ohio instead of changing the landscape to Florida.

There's nothing wrong with either view, of course. Perhaps grad school will open more doors for you than it would have for me. But I know what I need in my life, and I spend a lot of time considering how I want to interact with the paths that come and go. In this case, my vision directs me on this path, where there are old friends around to support me, where there is a Grove that can help me through the rough times, and where the radical changes in one part of my life are offset by consistency in other parts.

I had grown somewhat sad thinking of Grad school. I am excited about new opportunities here. And really, when it came down to it, that's what caused the decision.
[User Picture]
Date:March 4th, 2008 04:22 pm (UTC)
What is all this talk of having goals set FOR you and visions HANDED to you? Was college like that for you? That's sad if so. It shouldn't've been. Undergrad for me has been all about setting my own goals and visions and using the tools given to me in undergrad in the best, most inventive ways I can in order to achieve my goals. When I was a business major, though, it was totally evil like you described.

do you not care about military history anymore? wasn't that your undergrad or were you religious studs?
[User Picture]
Date:March 4th, 2008 04:47 pm (UTC)
I was an undergrad Military History major. I became more interested in religion, though, after I graduated. You never knew me while I was in school: I was quite passionate about history. That I found something I was more passionate about after graduation surprises me still.

However, my undergrad has served me very, very well in my post-undergrad career. In fact, I used it very recently in this job, and I used it prior to that to land the opportunity of doing this job.

I originally was interested in continuing on in history. The issue came about, though, that I wasn't so keen on what graduate-level history programs are, so much as I was interested in what history is. What I learned is that I can study history all I want without ever taking another history class. I can learn the things I really want to know without teachers and tuition. I can even go to the places that mean so much to me without being a professional student.

Besides that, I found I had a greater aptitude for religious studies: my 3.7 GPA in history is nothing compared to my 4.0 in religious studies. The subject matter inspires me in a different (and, I might admit, deeper) way than the history work did.

In the end, though, school is about validating yourself to an outside authority, and paying for the privilege. The Humanities are also different than a lot of other schools, too. My early college life was stuck in the horrific stranglehold of the honors program here, where I was told what to achieve and when to achieve it. I broke free from that my Junior year, but even then I was held to a different standard as a varsity athlete: "finish a certain percent of your undergrad work and do it now-now-now so you can get back to practice."

I think I learned more from my fencing career than I did from my GEC's, all told.

Really, the only academic freedom I ever had was after graduation, and I have really grown in that time. Maintaining that academic freedom is something I've sought for a very long time, and I've managed it so far. I don't have as much time to take classes, but I do devote all my time to them when I'm there. I'm fiercely competitive, strongly focused, and a much better student as a result. This really does seem to be because the only person I'm proving myself to is me: there are no goals of degrees, publications, or oh-my-gods-what-about-after-graduation panics.

I struggled a long time under the expectations of my father, as well. He wanted an MBA for a son, something he never was able to accomplish. He still pushes me for it every now and again. My entire career, really, has been attempts to buck the system of goals and visions of others. And at this point, I can say I've succeeded marvelously.
[User Picture]
Date:March 4th, 2008 04:32 pm (UTC)
and because it's great when opposite paradigms clash...

you know change for me is not just running off to california instead of appreciating the seasons change, or changing all my the faces around me rather than one or two. your classification of me fails. :P if anything i'd say i'm even more focused on the subtle, gradual changes than most people around me, which is why i talk so much about the importance of balance, which i define as being something in constant fluid motion. i am not so fickle that i see things, assume i have seen them, and throw them away because they're boring; i notice the different size of the first worms every spring seasons and millions of other small changes all the time. and those i agree are very enriching.

i think the key difference between us is that 9 or perhaps 8 times out of 10 you prefer to change your attitude rather than your situation. you used to always say, well i dont like this arrangement, but ill just put up with it and think about other things i do like such that i do feel happy and everything is fine even though the arrangement hasn't changed. what's changed is your attitude and not your situation. which is change. i'm not invalidating that.

it's just different from what i often choose, which is probably 7 times out of 10 my position in a situation. my attitude has to change too, as everything is interrelated and i don't randomly change situations without first thinking about them and where i stand first, but there's no question i am more predisposed toward action and [hyper?!] proactivity. you are more passive, which is why the two philosophies sometimes clash.

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