June 21st, 2008
|05:03 pm - Frustration|
Some days, I get frustrated with my progress through the ADF Clergy Training Program. It's hard (and it just gets harder as it goes on). I just stood up, my brain hurting from trying to manage answering a question, and walked around in a circle, not really knowing why I got up in the first place. There's a specter of fear in my mind telling me that I just can't answer them, and that I'm simply not good enough.
Right now, I'm stuck on Divination 2. There, I need to provide nine divinations I've done for others. Right now, I only have access to notes for three. I cannot find others (though I know I've done others).
So, if anyone needs any sort of divination work done, please let me know. It would aid me greatly to do some divination for you.
I'm within two questions of finishing Divination 2 and one question of finishing Trance 1. I have nearly all the information I need to finish the biggest question in Trance 2, as well, but actually doing it is really hard for me. It's so hard for me to see the end but to feel like I simply cannot get there. I feel like Zeno's frog.
Well, back to work: complaining about it doesn't make it finish itself. I really, really want to finish Trance 1 today, and get a solid start on Trance 2. Perseverance is the virtue of today.
(If I could choose two "moods" for this post, it would be "frustrated, hopeful." But, alas, I cannot.)
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: "The Captain and the Kid", -JB
It reminds me my tutor told me something revealing recently, that I have high expectations / demands from myself and thus from others (now I´m really unsure about the right wording!)
And while that´s excellent personality trait for some fields, like business or the academe, it´s troublesome when one acts in a clergy-like position (Grove Organizer) among people who are seekers and not yet settled in their personal lives, young and unsure about their spirituality... I figured out that the magical cue is to expect *nothing* really, just be there. In case somebody comes and asks. Or, if I get extremely lucky, want´s to get engaged.
I scratch my head over the attitude that one can be "dedicated student", "seriously interested" and alike while unable to come on time to a meeting once in a month. (Gimme a scourge and I will get it outta´em! ) But it´s not up to me to judge, really. Well... I can be judgemental, but it won´t help anything, ultimately every grown-up person must decide on their own and though manipulation gets people out of their bums, I have moral reservations when it comes to cultish manners. Sure you can succeed if you push a little, and sometimes it´s necessary, but not in the context of spirituality.
Also there is the danger of falling into the un-pious attitude that you can do anything you will on just your own (which has been my biggest challenge). You can´t, really. There is a certain border when personal resources exhaust and ultimately, nobody will feel satisfied when they are just passive consumers ... well, most. (Which brings us to the "how to get people from their behinds" dilemma again.)
So that´s my two personal conclusions about being ambitious, in case I could spare you from my mistakes
I've learned that most everyone learns differently than I do (I'm starting to think that there really aren't learning "types", just individuals who occasionally learn in similar ways).
The seeker population (to quote Ian, who was quoting someone else, who was taking off PT Barnum, "There's a seeker born every minute") is notoriously difficult to motivate: what I have learned is that the key to motivation is to show them the benefits of being motivated through example.
People are likely to get into a group with a motivated leader, and as they see what they can do with their own motivation in that situation, they're likely to become more and more motivated, as well.
It's the old adage: power with, not power over :)