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Ár nDraíocht Féin
Three Cranes
Chaos Matrix

October 5th, 2009

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03:26 pm - The first of three lessons: Focus
I learned three lessons during my journey as my mettle was tested as an ADF Initiate. These lessons were not the lessons I expected, nor are they specifically private to me alone: these are guiding lessons that I must take forward, that must draw me along as I go forth as an ADF Initiate, and by my oath I will use them in service to others. The lessons offered to each Initiate will be different for each individual Initiate, based on that individual's needs and the work they must do.

The first lesson of my initiation is Focus.

As I my journey began, I was instructed very carefully to learn focus. There were specific things I learned I must focus on from the Kindreds, but those things were spoken to me alone, and won't be passed along except to those who are directly affected by things I was explicitly told to fix. I was told, though, that I am not a focused person: I am both poorly organized and highly unreliable. I have difficulty staying on task and greater difficulty in concentration.

I have great trouble focusing on individuals (including myself): often, e-mail conversations will simply dissipate over time; I fail to make phone calls to friends and family "just to say hi;" the membership of ADF has expressed a feeling that I've ignored them; I spent a great deal of the year not doing my sunrise/sunset devotionals; I cannot even keep myself to a set of specified goals for CTP course completion; and my work has suffered from a lack of detail-focus. Yes, the last few months (since about February, when I officially took this job) have been hell, but that is no excuse. I need to learn to focus, compartmentalize, and move forward on projects that need to be completed and be more open to people I need to be available to. . . in my personal life, my spiritual life, and my work life.

Of particular note is that my trancework is not done: there is more to do. Completion of the trancework practicums, Trance 1 and Trance 2, does not entitle me to say I'm done with it. Indeed, it is clear that more work needs to be done, and it must be done in a focused way. I must work the Trance journal I have started and supplement it with additional regular practice, and bring that practice to others.

Another place that I have noticed focus must be brought is in my religious speech, particularly in ritual. I've been strongly bitten by the elusive AwenBug recently, and as a result have been waxing on with a lack of focus, trusting my gut to understand the way an invitation to the Kindreds or a purpose must go. This has become an issue, actually, where even though everything I say in ritual is related, it is not focused. I've been given a charge to start speaking in a more specific manner in ritual.

Some improvements occurred prior to this rite (as the work was completed), but this rite is likely to have induced lasting change in my behavior on this front.

So these are the ways, visible to the community, that I will work to fulfill the first charge the Kindreds placed upon me during my initiation.
Current Location: Southeast of Disorder
Current Mood: thoughtfulthoughtful
Current Music: "Life Is Just a Tire Swing", -JB

(8 comments Leave a comment)


Date:October 5th, 2009 10:39 pm (UTC)
In more ways than you will probably know this blog of yours has inspired me, as well as your initiation, and it has helped set a fire under me to resume my studies and do something.

See I too am a poorly focused person. I always have been. I start projects and seldom complete them, or put them off for a long time before completing them. I start off with things very passionately, but lose it along the way.

Same with ADF, which I think is a great thing. As my Wiccan coven came to an abrupt end. I wanted to belong to something that was permanent. I even thought about it for some time before joining on-line. As my membership packet arrived I read through it and began my studies, but without a local group to attend I quickly lost my way and became very stagnant, still am really. I know I have a void in my life since our coven disolved, and I know many things that I should be doing, but I can't get myself motivated to do so. I even let my membership expire, but have been putting serious thought into renewing it.

Finding out that you have struggled and pulled through is a big spark for me. Maybe I too, can or will.

Thanks for sharing that part of your life.
[User Picture]
Date:October 6th, 2009 12:25 pm (UTC)
I am pleased that some of my own humble musings and thoughts have inspired you to get up and do something. :)

It's easy to become stagnant: my CTP work for Circle 2 was slated to be finished by March of this year, and here it is in October and I'm only now submitting most of it. I have a "deadline" of Summerland 2010 for my ordination, which means I have to complete CTP 3 before then. . . I don't know if I can, but I'm sure as hell going to try.

So, the next order of business? Finish the submission process for CTP 2 and get CTP 3 done and turned in this winter.

Good luck moving on your DP, and hopefully, I'll see your name on the list of Dedicants before Summerland, too. :)
[User Picture]
Date:October 6th, 2009 02:16 am (UTC)
Yes, thank you for sharing. While reading I realized areas that need more focus and that I really need to schedule my days better. Not just at home, but spiritually and with work. I need to set my schedule and stay to it.

I have a couple projects that need to get finished asap and though knowing this, been putting them off. Just not felt them but that does not matter.
[User Picture]
Date:October 6th, 2009 12:21 pm (UTC)
My list of unfinished projects is very long. I suspect I need to prioritize them to an extent, and get them moving.

I accomplished most of a specific step this morning, and have to have a discussion with someone to finish that one shortly.
[User Picture]
Date:October 6th, 2009 11:46 am (UTC)
You also need to focus on what you have accomplished and the personal growth you have experienced. This too is just another step in the journey. I am very happy for you and proud of you! There is ALWAYS more to be done, ways to improve but find your center, kindle your heart fire and focus on the road you have traveled. You have beat back the undergrowth for other to follow, never discount that my friend!
[User Picture]
Date:October 6th, 2009 12:19 pm (UTC)
Indeed, that focus must remain as well. . . but I have focused on that often, and the journey was clear: this is focus for improvement.

However, wait until I get to "joy". I think you'll see why I differentiate the two foci, because I think you'll identify with that joy as well.
[User Picture]
Date:October 6th, 2009 01:20 pm (UTC)
I find I'm a bit stunned that you believe yourself to be unfocused. I know I'm not around you every day, but I'm amazed at how much you are able to accomplish and how articulate you are in expressing yourself. When I first met you, I would have said yeah, you're a bit scattered and inarticulate, but not now. It seems somewhat patronizing for me to say it, but I'm incredibly proud of you, all you've done, and how much you've grown since we first met. I like to think... perhaps erroneously... that you might even pause and reconsider before you go climbing rocks and trees or performing dangerous magical workings. But I suppose there's a limit to my sobering influence. :)

Cuz I don't say it often enough: I am incredibly proud of you. You are an inspiration and rock for many of us, little-big bro.
[User Picture]
Date:October 6th, 2009 02:24 pm (UTC)

wwjd (what would Jenni do)?

Well, accomplishments aren't everything, after all: there is a danger in focusing on the goal rather than the path (something I was sort of warned about) and focusing on something to the exclusion of other things (something I was specifically warned about, with detailed examples).

Focus, like anything else, needs to be properly done. And there is a lot of room for improvement in that area, I think.

FYI, because I don't say it enough, either, I'm proud of you, too: you're strong, independent, and an inspiration to me in ways I'm not sure I can articulate accurately. And I do occasionally ask myself, "Wait, WWJD?"

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