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Ár nDraíocht Féin
Three Cranes
Chaos Matrix

December 11th, 2003

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05:17 pm - Stories
Tell me a story.

Seriously. I'm a bit stressed and could use the break :)

It should include the following items (you may combine them):

A cabbage; your favourite God/dess; a naked man (mlleelizabeth, you can have two); an apricot; a palm tree; you as the main character; a naked woman; and a monster of some sort.

Genre? I haven't decided. Maybe horror?
Current Mood: blankblank
Current Music: "Great Heart", -JB

(6 comments Leave a comment)


Date:December 12th, 2003 09:45 am (UTC)
I'm gonna post my story on my journal now. Let me know what you think.
[User Picture]
Date:December 12th, 2003 08:55 pm (UTC)

You asked for it!

I posted to my LJ as well, given the length of the story (and its not recommendended for children nature). Enjoy!
[User Picture]
Date:December 13th, 2003 03:01 pm (UTC)
There once was a girl from Nantucket....

Oh wait, I've already told that one this week.


DEC 13, 2003
Archaeologists this week have unearthed what they think maybe a goddess of Cabbage. According to David Eddings, head archaeologist, a statue was found just east of the A 12 roadway in Yorkshire. The statue depicts a woman of Roman style and dress, with a cabbage in place of a torso. Found nearby the statue were the remains of approximately 27 cow and pig bones, as well as fragments of Roman pottery.
The site was found when farmer and hick by occupation, Willamina Henderson, was digging for oil in random places. The native Yorkshire resident was surprised when her shovel struck not oil, but statue leg. Not knowing the significance of the statue, but not being stupid enough to ignore it completely, she reported it to the proper authorities.
Researchers date the statue to approximately 200-500 CE, using carbon dating. It appears that the Roman pottery found are of the type typically found used by the Native British after trading with Romans. The statue, while of Roman style, is of a Goddess not known in the Roman pantheon. Researchers have named her "Cabbagina".
[User Picture]
Date:December 15th, 2003 01:53 pm (UTC)
Nice :) And different, so it's even better :)

Thank you!
Date:December 15th, 2003 11:00 pm (UTC)

Here's a very stupid story.

As I was journeying out of the realm of Hades, who should I come across but Dionysus, and his crazy orgiastic followers?

"Hey, Dionysus," I said, "What are you doing here?"

"Well, Kristina, things haven't been the same since my sparagmos incident."

"I beg your pardon?"

Dionysus didn't look pleased. "You know, the ritual tearing apart of the limbs? I'm technically a shade right now, and so I thought I'd kill some time before Zeus impregnates Semele, destroys her, and then gives birth to me from his loins. Take a guess at what I'm doing."

"Umm...covorting with a naked man and a naked woman?"

"Besides that. Honestly, in my presence I thought you'd be a tad more creative!" Dionysus said. Sighing, he continued, "I'm going to start the first and only Underworld Fruit and Vegetable Cult of the Dead. For the initiation rites, we're going to chuck apricots and cabbages at the monster Cerberus until he gets REALLY PISSED OFF! What do you think?"

I was stunned into silence. Dionysus was not happy with my reaction, so he turned me into a palm tree. And so, I remained the only tree in Hades for miles (before you reach Elysium, of course), while Dionysus and his naked followers chucked fruit at Cerberus until it was time for Dionysus to be reborn.

THE END (and thank goodness).
[User Picture]
Date:December 15th, 2003 11:03 pm (UTC)
Very nice! I like the inclusion of Cerberus. Remind me to show you my lost puppy flier sometime. . .

And excellent use of an actual myth :)

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