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February 9th, 2004


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09:07 am - "Who's that blonde stranger?"
You know, I wasn't *trying* to set up a campaign for Archdruid *laughs* No, I'm not running, and no, I'm not interested. *grins* It was all joking. Promise.

Anyway, Skip would beat the crap outta me in any election :)

But, you know, if you're going to make me. . . *rolls eyes*

Anyway. . . It's not so much that I think ego is a bad thing. It's not so much that I worry about how other people see what I'm doing, and how it sometimes makes me feel.

The real problem is that I'm coming up with all sorts of nifty reasons to be doing what I *know* is right, and then coming up with more reasons why I really shouldn't be doing them: it looks like a political power-play; it makes me sound "holier-than-thou"; or it feels like a mask, a facade. That's why I'm sometimes uncomfortable with it.

Now, here's the nifty, interesting part. The act, the doing, the experiencing of it all doesn't seem like it's a play, or like an act. It's the reflection. When I stop to think about why I do this stuff, I'm somewhat cursed with having to look back on it from more than just my own personal reasons. I start to look at it from multiple angles, and I start to wonder what motivations others would see. Maybe I've been around Columbus too long, but I start to look at my actions from a political point of view, and they're kind of scary.

Really, if I were doing this stuff just for the political gain, or so I look good in someone else's eyes, I wouldn't actually have to do it. I could just say I did it. And, honestly, it'd be pretty easy to say I do two devotionals per day. There's no control (and, in fact, if anyone asked Tina, who'd be the only other person who would be close enough to find out, she'd probably say she didn't know for sure, because I don't do this in front of her, or even when she's in the room). The mere fact that I actually do it (and my muscles are sore enough some days to prove it) goes a lot toward proving to myself that I mean what I do.

To those willing to disagree with me: Thanks.

Oh, and for all you Snape-i-philes out there, I was amused to learn that Alan Rickman also played the Sheriff of Nottingham in Prince of Thieves (yes, this is a recent discovery for me), and there's an extended cut of that movie out on DVD now, with another 12-freaking minutes that the back of the box claims is mostly about the "evil sheriff's origins", so I suspect lots of "Rickman goodness". You know, just FYI. Weirdos.
Current Mood: weirdweird
Current Music: "I Have Found Me a Home", -JB

(6 comments Leave a comment)

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[User Picture]
From:hearthstone
Date:February 9th, 2004 07:44 pm (UTC)

Re:

(Link)
Ah, now that I see it again I remember reading it earlier. Okay, that makes sense then :).

I have to say that I will probably not be following your example on the sit-ups, though. Mornings, I'm doing well to stand upright at my altar!

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