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March 10th, 2004


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06:16 pm - Confessions. . .
I have a confession. Well, more of a statement, for there is no shame in this.

Yeah, I read Maxim magazine. And yes, I firmly state that I read it for the articles.

I submit this month's cover girl as proof.

I mean, honestly, how could anyone find that attractive? She is, simply put, just not hot. Sorry.

Anyway, let it be known that I have passed up some very hot women in Maxim simply because the magazine was unable to produce a cool article, or even a worthless gimick to cause me to purchase it.

As an example of a worthless gimick, once there was a yellow stripe across the corner of the mag's cover, with the words, "And get this yellow stripe absolutely free!" written on it. Yes, I purchased it. There is much to be said for creativity.

Many people seem to change their opinion of me when they learn that I read Maxim. Somehow, that's icky, or perhaps sexist. But I ask them to read a Cosmo sometime and tell me *that* mag isn't creating and reinforcing a stereotype that is anti-feminist. Maxim is Cosmo for guys, but the sexism is less rampant. Okay, so maybe it's just as sexist, but at least it's *honest* about it, and it doesn't change who I am, that's for damn sure.

Plus, it's full of useful (if stupid) information, especially the "How To" section. I learned how to read palms from Maxim (an early issue), and I could even build a sauna if I wanted to. This month taught me how to train a tiger, install an outlet, and make a sock puppet. Is that sexist, or is that cool? There'a an article on the ELF (not the Erisian Liberation Front, unfortunately) and domestic terrorism. There's also one on survival (in case you get lost in such out-of-the-way locations as the woods, the snowy wastes, the ocean, the desert, and New Jersey). My personal favourite are the English to Arabic phrases that would be useful in Iraq:
"Are you alright? You look shocked and Awed."
"Hal anta bekhair? Tabdu a'laik assadma walkhoshoua'."

"Is that a Weapon of Mass Destruction in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"
"Hal aslehat addamar ashamel mawjouda fee jaibek, am anka saeed Iroa'yatei fakat?"

"Lovely vest. Is that real dynamite?"
"Ya laha men basa jameela. Hal heya hizam motfajerat hakeekei?"

"Your country has vast oil deposits that could give the United States a strategic advantage ofer the rest of the world for decades? Gee, we had no idea!"
"Lebeladek makhzoon kbeer men aneft yomkenoho an yamnah alwelayat almotaheda afdalya estrateejya a'n saa'er ala'alam? Fee sanawat ala'shr alakheera!

Yeah, I know. Completely useless. But fun.

*shrugs*

All I'm sayin', ya know, is that just cuz I'm really about 6 years old and get excited at the prospect of seeing boobies. . . Um, I mean, reading an amusing article. . .Yeah. . . doesn't mean you should form a different opinion of me.

That is all.

See you tomorrow, kids. *laughs*
Current Mood: amusedamused
Current Music: "Everlasting Moon", -JB

(23 comments Leave a comment)

Comments:


From:moonversion
Date:March 10th, 2004 03:23 pm (UTC)
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Occasionally I read Maxim. I like Stuff better though 'cuz it has a pineapple.
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From:chronarchy
Date:March 11th, 2004 07:42 am (UTC)
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A pineapple? I gotta check that out!
From:moonversion
Date:March 11th, 2004 08:05 am (UTC)
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Yup, Randy the Pineapple.
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From:aislinggheal
Date:March 10th, 2004 03:25 pm (UTC)
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I used to read Maxim, and Playboy. I really only got them for the pictures, though.
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From:chronarchy
Date:March 11th, 2004 07:42 am (UTC)
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I have an issue of playboy. I was really, really unimpressed. I don't think anyone would read that for the articles :)
From:exina
Date:March 10th, 2004 04:02 pm (UTC)
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Cosmo *yawn*
I like Leg Show better for pics (can't adapt hustler posed females into non-pornographic artwork no matter how good you are). I don't read magazines too much. I prefer the internet for my short articles, and books for my portable reading. Prolly should get a palm one day...
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From:chronarchy
Date:March 11th, 2004 07:41 am (UTC)
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Yeah, Cosmo's boring, but it's *huge* for the amount you pay. each mag has like, what, 200-300 pages? It's insane!

And there are occasional gems of info. One if my girlfriend's roommies once read an exerpt out loud. It went something like this:

"I was driving down the highway when Santana's Smooth came onto the radio. that song always gets me into the mood, so I started going to town on myself right there. As the song climaxed, so did I, and I went off the road into the grass median. It was okay, though, because the officer who helped me out (in my flustered state) was really cute!"

For that one paragraph, I would have bought the entire magazine. :)
From:exina
Date:March 11th, 2004 09:59 am (UTC)
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huh. doesn't do anything for me. wonder why?
Oh, that's right... I'm jaded.
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From:chronarchy
Date:March 11th, 2004 10:00 am (UTC)
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I'm jaded, too. I just pretend not to be :)
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From:liliths_bane
Date:March 10th, 2004 04:24 pm (UTC)
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I've been considering forming an anti-judgment movement for anything judgmental: race, love interests, article choices :)

Considering all in all, it sounds interesting enough for me to get an issue or two.
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From:chronarchy
Date:March 11th, 2004 07:37 am (UTC)
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Oh, you should definitely check it out! It's a great mag.
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From:satikat
Date:March 10th, 2004 04:30 pm (UTC)
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i have a subscription to Stuff, by the same people.
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From:chronarchy
Date:March 11th, 2004 07:36 am (UTC)
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Stuff's pretty good, usually, but lower on the article count. I'm also often unimpressed with their girls.
From:rubydolphin
Date:March 10th, 2004 06:24 pm (UTC)
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I used to have a subscription to Playboy, and only let it expire for financial reasons.

Was reading the November issue of GQ in the doctor's office today. Almost swiped it just for the photo of the oh-so-yummy Johnny Depp. Also read a very amusing article entitled "Bush is Back". It had nothing to do with politicians. (Snarky moment: Anyone who can't figure out what the article was about is too stupid to be told IMNSHO)
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From:chronarchy
Date:March 11th, 2004 07:36 am (UTC)
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Yeah, I never subscribe to mags anymore. Even Maxim is so hit and miss that I only pick it up when, say, at least 60% of the articles are cool. I've passed up some *hot* women because the articles sucked.
From:exina
Date:March 11th, 2004 10:03 am (UTC)
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ew!ew!ew!ew!ew!ew!ew!ew!ew!ew!
My minds eye is blinded.
sorry. can't stand "bush". of any stripe. lol
(Deleted comment)
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From:chronarchy
Date:March 11th, 2004 07:35 am (UTC)
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Ugh. She's just, in a word, *ugly*. I'm not a big fan of blondes, really. It takes an exceptional one for me to be interested at all.
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From:fajrdrako
Date:March 11th, 2004 04:30 am (UTC)
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I didn't know there was any stigma attached to reading Maxim. I read it sometimes too. It won me over long ago by having articles about comic books. Magazines just don't get cooler than that. (Except for a yellow stripe, of course.)
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From:chronarchy
Date:March 11th, 2004 07:34 am (UTC)
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A friend once told me that the more she knew about me, the more she wondered about what I do / think / movitvates me. She cited Maxim specifically as reason to wornder.

Yeah, the articles about comics are cool :) And video game reviews!
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From:fajrdrako
Date:March 11th, 2004 04:25 pm (UTC)
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Your friend probably has a few quirks of her own. All interesting people do - and I would guess that anyone who was your friend would be an interesting person.

I think we've just cited several good reasons to read Maxim!
From:exina
Date:March 11th, 2004 10:09 am (UTC)
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Have you read NewType? anime and some videogames
kinda expensive though.
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From:chronarchy
Date:March 11th, 2004 10:17 am (UTC)
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Yeah, expensive is an issue. Maxim is all of $5, which is pretty cheap (used to be $4, the bastards) as mags of this type go.
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From:roc441
Date:March 11th, 2004 04:40 pm (UTC)
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"Ya laha men basa jameela. Hal heya hizam motfajerat hakeekei?"
(Lovely vest. Is that real dynamite?"
bwahahahaha! I need to use that in my arabic class! See, its not totally useless! thanks!

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