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Ár nDraíocht Féin
Three Cranes
Chaos Matrix

March 17th, 2004

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06:05 pm - I'm tired. So very tired.
I wonder what it's like to cry? So many times, people say they "need a good cry". I've never had one. Well, not that I remember, that's for sure. Not since my grandfather died. That was. . . geez, maybe 15, 16 years ago? I don't know.

I wonder if it does someone good to cry. I wonder if it's a useful thing, beyond the functional aspects of clearing one's eyes of dirt and dust.

I don't know. I've never been able to experience it in a way that I could appreciate it.

I occasionally squeeze a single tear out, but not often. It's not like I try to hold it back, but I just can't do it. Heck, I even tried once. Nothin'.

It's caused me problems. It's not even like I haven't been in situations where I should have cried. Trust me, my life isn't all skittles and beer, no matter what I may like to believe.

Did I do something wrong? Is there a mistake in my central programming? Is there a switch that I accidentally flipped one night while sleeping oddly?

I dunno.

But sometimes it bugs me.

I won't be on IM tomorrow. Email me if you need anything.
Current Mood: melancholymelancholy
Current Music: "Come Monday", -JB

(13 comments Leave a comment)


Date:March 17th, 2004 03:53 pm (UTC)
Sometimes people don't need to cry to have that release. I think it's just the way we're built. I did not cry too much growing up but then I had my son and now I can cry at the drop of a hat or a cute kitten on teevee.

I'll trade you. ;-/
[User Picture]
Date:March 17th, 2004 04:22 pm (UTC)
I cry at the drop of a hat also, and people I know who have chosen to take estrogen find that they cry more easily after they start treatment. Perhaps you just don't have enough estrogen in your body. *wink*
Date:March 17th, 2004 04:29 pm (UTC)
I generally feel better once I've indulged in a good cry. I think it lets out some horomones or something ... No clue.

I hope you're feeling better. No stressing, leave that to me. I stress enough for the both of us and then some :-)
Date:March 17th, 2004 05:19 pm (UTC)
I used to not allow myself to cry. Went to funerals, way too many for a kid, and didn't cry a single tear. (I would cry to get my parents to stop spanking, but that doesn't count)
I just didn't allow myself the emotion until it was too much to bear. *shrug* Guess I had to learn the hard way.
[User Picture]
Date:March 17th, 2004 06:49 pm (UTC)
Never cried a lot, but when I was in my late teens I decided to give it up. I'm not sure why, I think I wanted to prove a certain level of self-control to myself. I lasted a year or two. Eventually realized it was pretty silly :). I'm not a drop-of-the-hatter but I think I do it more often since I had kids (lack of sleep, perhaps? :)).

However, a good cry? The whole rest of the day my sinuses are clogged and I'm miserably uncomfortable. I've never noticed feeling particularly better emotionally, either, honestly. I think it has a purpose, but I don't think I have ever "appreciated" it either :).
Date:March 17th, 2004 07:30 pm (UTC)
talk about hard core spiritual revelations that I'VE had latley, thanks much to ayla.:) i'd like to do a tarot reading for you? for practice? maybe next psa meeting? it would be neat practive, or something.
[User Picture]
Date:March 18th, 2004 05:54 am (UTC)
If you really want, but I'm not an ideal candidate.

I don't like traditional Tarot cards. I've come to the conclusion that I don't even really like touching them. My Discordian Deck is about all I will use.

But if you really want to practice on me, then sure, why not?
Date:March 18th, 2004 06:50 am (UTC)
ok. cool:) we can do it whenever you can make time.:)
Date:March 18th, 2004 09:15 am (UTC)
You are in luck! The first meeting of spring quarter is a Divination mtg!

Yay for lazy cochairs!
Date:March 18th, 2004 01:48 pm (UTC)
lol. that will work:) a good way to kick my ass out of the house too.

i'd still like to do one for you, sooner though, practice and all.
Date:March 18th, 2004 02:23 pm (UTC)
You are very welcome to do a reading for me. I'll be back in Columbus on the 27th- but busy all day. The 28th I plan to sleep, but on Monday the 29th I can chill a bit before or after work.
Date:March 18th, 2004 07:10 am (UTC)
I find it upsetting when people cry for someone they didn't know, or a celebrity. I don't cry regarding a death or horrible illness unless I personally know the person. As for other reasons to cry, I tend to do that in private. I just don't share that part of myself, and I know that's programming from my unemotional father. Hard to get past, though. Ironically, when acting, I can cry very easily. I do tend to shed tears in September, though, in memory of my loving kitty who passed in 2000, who had been my companion for 16.5 wonderful years. Love ya, booboo.
[User Picture]
Date:March 18th, 2004 07:32 am (UTC)
crying for me is like masturbation. it is great for one thing: a release.

if i'm really pissed off and i know i need a good cry, i just voice my thoughts aloud. i can't ever cry unless i'm trying to explain things. when i hear how pitiful my voice is i usually break down.
if that doesn't work i break out my little purple freind.

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