April 8th, 2004
|06:41 pm - Chaos working I|
There's a part of my life I rarely talk about. It's kind of weird that I don't discuss it much, because it really is a huge part of who I am.
Of course, I think I know why I don't talk much about it. I think a lot of it has to do with how much I try to appear serious.
There's a constant, ongoing struggle for me, really. The grey of the boring, mundane world closes in around me, and I start to drown. I wasn't made for this kind of a life, really, living from paycheck to paycheck, month to month, and being tied to a real schedule.
I'm not sure what exactly I was made for, but I expect it had something to do with sandy beaches and distant reaches (and, while I'm rhyming, let's throw in a few lovely Georgia peaches). Even if it doesn't have to do with all that, though, it's fun to think it does.
Anyway, those who saw my little strip show (also known as the Chaos Magic workshop I did for the Pagan Student Association) got a taste of that part of me.
It's the part that pushes the envelope, not because the envelope needs pushing, but because it's there. I've been told it's a dangerous game, but it's also an exhilarating one.
I've mentioned before that I do at least one Chaos Magic (CM) working per day. It can take an entire night, three hours, or a split second. I don't usually share the results or the performance with anyone, because it's kind of a personal thing. Occasionally I let people know the results (you've all seen my conversations with Eris), and I have (rarely) asked a few others to help me with the a working.
But no matter how I slice it, I cut this part of my life off from the rest of it. It's really a small part (it has to be for me to function fully), but it's an important part.
It's the side of me that's really, truely free. It's the side that I don't show Tina, because it's not something she'd be into. It's the side that I question the sanity of.
One morning a few weeks ago, I was working through a Chaos exercise. It was a fairly simple one that I'd been holding off on, mainly because I like a challenge, and I didn't think this one would offer much of a real challenge. Little did I know that I was in for a hell of a ride because of this.
The object of the working was well defined, and the process was simple, but it lead me through doors and vortices I never imagined I would even see, let alone open.
To be continued. . .
Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Part V
Part VI | Part VII | Part VIII
Current Mood: artistic
Current Music: "They Don't Dance Like Carmen No More", -JB
I thought of something while reading this. Just when I stopped "fretting" (for lack of a better word) over Chaos Magic, and if it has any place in my life, you post this. It makes me think...
Hmmm... Kinda makes me wonder the reasoning behind my despising schedules and routines and habits.
Strip show? Goddamit, why do I keep missing this stuff?
Yes. Strip show. Some people on here will remember it. They were getting a little worried, I think, that they would see more of me than they wanted to :)
"Of course, I think I know why I don't talk much about it. I think a lot of it has to do with how much I try to appear serious."
Yes, the appearance of seriousness is kind of vital, after I'd been calling myself a Discordian for a few months I noticed that I had developed that strange compulsion. Good luck with it. I'm looking forward to the continuation of this entry.
I've been attacked in the past by people who didn't believe me serious about my religion. It's kind of weird, because I'm always shocked to find people who don't believe that humour is sacred.
But that's a story for another time :)
Suffice to say that there's a difference between "serious" and "stick-in-the-mud"!
Try telling that to the Denver Wiccan community. And they wonder why I don't socialize with them...
I'll tell it to them. Got an email address? :)
Oh yes. Its interesting to deal with, although I think with me it often comes down to the fact that some people just know me too well to take me seriously.
Same here. Quite often, in fact, my most serious suggestions are ignored, simply because it sounds amusing, fun, or (in general) silly.
I've always said, "If a child's laughter isn't sacred, I don't know what is!"
Thats a hell of a quote, I'll have to remember it. Where did you get it from?
Um, I think it's an original, actually. Let's put it this way: I don't recall ever hearing it before, thus I expect I made it up.
But I think it's an extrapolation from the following set of statements (in particular, line 3):
I am Chaos.
I am the substance from which your artists and scientists build rhythms.
I am the spirit in which your children and clowns laugh in happy anarchy.
I am Chaos I am alive, and I tell you that you are free.
-Eris, Goddess of Chaos, Discord, & Confusion.
Hail Eris, All hail Discordia, etc. If you can't remember where you got it from, then you may as well say you created it yourself. I may quote you on it.
Feel free to do so :) I expect I did create it myself. But then, it's one of the more true statements I've ever uttered :)
This has absolutely nothing to do with your post, although it could be a realm of chaos by some people's standards. I've been sorely tempted to find a human outsider to the pagan community to offer to the Outsiders. Kind of like, here, boys, this is your plaything for a while, please leave us alone. Sadly, I don't think I can convince one to go to Trillium, but I'll still wait for the proper moment for human sacrifice in ADF ritual.
Haha. The Outsiders play with me whether I invite them to or not.
*slaps Eris' hand, turns to her*
Not now, babe. I'm at work!
|Date:||April 8th, 2004 10:47 pm (UTC)|| |
I like pushing the envelope too.... In fact, I like pushing most any edge. :)
|Date:||April 8th, 2004 10:48 pm (UTC)|| |
And yet, I LOOK so sweet and innocent. :)